A touchy subject...

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This is a topic I was surprised to see here. It is an important topic that few will embark on for various reasons. I for one avoided it becaue I was asked to stop talking about it or leave a site. Trust me, I do understand that it is a rough topic. I also understand that there were many younger people at the site and it was worriesome for the administrators. I respectfully stopped discussing it. Is it funny in a bad way or maybe even a bit hypicritical that I have a blog site and have never discussed this there? Truthfully, there are a lot more of "me" out there than people want to believe. In reality, it is a subject that they would prefer to think does not exist. But... It Does! There are websites all over that will tell you some of the medical causes of this problem. This one is as open as they come though there are many. www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/cutting-self-harm-signs-treatment There are may reasons for cutting, most involve some kind of abuse in a persons childhood. It is very easily hidden under clothing and often goes un-noticed unless by accident it is seen. Cutters often confide in one person and swear them to secrecy. What I say next is strictly MY opinion. I have been cutting for longer than i care to remember. The reasons for the cutting having started are for now... my own. I believe there are stages or perhaps simply 2 types of cutters. The first cutter is the one looking, pleading for attention of some sort. This does NOT mean they are un-popular or un-loved. I came from a very close family that I always Knew loved me and I them. And yet I cut. I started to pay a penance or atonement if you will for actions did against me. I cut where cuts could be seen if one wanted to take the time to look. Some were even exttremely outward though I was never one to "show them off." I believe that anyone that cuts on their lower arm and allows it to be seen are seeking attention of some sort. They may be in fact also trying to ccontrol emotions inside but by revealing them, they are asking for someone to reach out to them. Many times, at first site, a parent or a friend will freak and bcome an attacker. Telling them it is horrible and that they are suicidal or excuse the word "nuts" will only give them a new reason to cut. They are seeking love and seeking a closeness and that is, as hard as it may be, what you should be offering them. Will it stop the cutting? It might. Reaching out to them in love can heal a lot of wounds sometimes. It IS scarey and it IS frightening to see for the first time. But it is also someones heart that is suffering and crying out to you. The second type is well... Me. I do not want the world to see what I do. I dont do it so the world can shun me or hug me or tell me everything will be alright. Often times, cutters are suffering from manic or bipolar. As in me, I am an empath. I feel peoples pain even if they dont share it with me. I take in the people around me's pain. I carry their burden and often take blame for things I truly had nothing to do with. I feel guilt for things that the person I feel I have done wrong t never even felt that way. It doesnt matter to my mind. If i feel it, it is there. So I cut to cleanse myself of the hurt I may or may not have caused another. The cuts are often scarey, even for me but I still do it. It is the way I cleanse myself. I hurt people, not meaning to. I love easily and hen run and hide because my bipolar brain doesnt allow me to stay with someone. I feel suffocated and owned. They love me and want to be with me and I hurt their hearts by saying "you have to go" without a reason. My cuts are concealed and only 2 people ever see them. They are my safe place and they do not pity nor coddle me. They try and understand and simply love me for who i am. The cuts often need not be deep or huge, they need only to be ugly for me to feel cleansed. Do I see someone for this issue? YES and if you cut, I truly implore you to seek the help of a proffesional counselor or the likes. Can they cure you? Maybe, but they for sure can help by listening and tryng to offer ways to cleanse that do not always need to be cutting. Finding the right one is often hard and it took me 4 switches and 5 years to find someone that would listen and has helped me some. By help i mean tha I cut much less and need more reason to do so.So there is help if you seek it. I wanted you to know that you ARE NOT ALONE. there are people to talk to and sometimes just that knowledge helps a person look and find that help. I lisen to many that do what do and through each others help and hearts, we bring a peace to each other. I am right here. Reach out and do not walk this very scarey road alone. Darrel