Do you take away priveledges?

my son gets grounded from his PS2 all of the time. He normally gets grounded for a week at a time, but I cave and let him use it after a few days. He mostly gets this punishment if he is just constantly not listening. Which is something we have trouble with.

I'm glad I've seen others saying the same thing as I'm about to. Never, ever take something like that away. That is just flat-out WRONG! He "misbehaved" so a game he practiced for is taken away? Never, ever okay. My mom used to ground me all the time, but she took away the computer, the television, phone privledges, things like that (and yes when I was five she'd take away the television and dessert, so it is possible - even if he doesn't watch much TV telling him that now he CAN'T will drive him batty)... but never ONCE did she refuse to take me to a sports event, or theatre events since I eventually lost interest in sports and did musical theatre instead. Please don't do that to your kid again. I can't stand seeing that. Five or not, that game still mattered to him and now you're going to make him anxious every time there's a game - "will mom let me go THIS time?"

Well, the point of punishment is that the kids aren't supposed to like it. I don't have children yet, but I do know from watching the parenting styles of my friends and family, that if you don't show that you mean business, your kids will try to walk all over you. When I was younger, if we broke serious house rules, we were spanked and grounded for it. Was it overkill? Maybe - but it got the message through. As we grew older, though, I parents started getting soft in their punishments. They slowly stopped spanking us, and being grounded was usually no big deal. They'd take away phone or TV watching privileges, but we could always go online and compensate for the loss. They never really took away anything we really liked, so being punished was no big deal. We didn't fear the punishments, so there was no incentive for us not to break the rules. I firmly believe that if your child doesn't like the punishment doled out, then you've chosen the right course of action. If they don't care, or it's not really too big of a deal to them, then you've punished them the wrong way. They need to fear the consequences of their actions. Beware the shrug or roll of the eyes when you punish your kids - that usually means it's not going to bother them (at least, that's how it was for me). If they cry and beg, though, then you know you've hit a soft spot.

I don't dole out punishments of that nature too often. I believe it was last year that, in Sept, my 5yr lost his bike until the next spring. We were going for a walk and he got about 2 blocks ahead of me by the high school and there was a volleyball game going on. (my husband was at the weight room there). He had been pushing his luck before then too, but that was the last straw, no more bike. He didn't like it at all, but we don't want him to get hit by a car, which of course never occurs to him. Normally I take away smaller things, tv time or computer time.

While I agree that children must have consequences for their actions and that taking away certain things is more than acceptable, I would caution that not allowing a child to play in a team event hurts not only the child but the team. If enough members don't show up- the whole team suffers. This takes away from the team concept and can hurt your child socially as they age. I have taken away favorite toys and games and this does seem to work, my boys are 11 and 8 and have reached an age where taking away the TV or computer works wonders. At 5 I can't really recall taking away a privilege such as a game but with age yes I have taken that away- but I have also let the coach know so he/ she can prepare for that. Good Luck and enjoy your son- this is a great age and time flies.

I nver take away privileges as it reallydoes not solve tehproblem. Waht if your child accepts theloss of teh privilege but still does not budge from the original stand? How many privileges can you keep taking away? It is sending a wrong lessonto your child. Tomorrow whenhe is ina positionof authourity, he willuse the same method with his workers.

Thankfully we don't have to do it often, but we do take away such things. In fact, he is punished right now. Yesterday my parents came out this way since the kids were off of school. We ate sushi and then wandered over to starbucks. We were all sitting around talking, my son and my husband were goofing off. Well my son starts talking about something, well I didn't notice because I was in a different conversation.He got annoyed and pinched me (which is very out of character for him). So he lost his computer for a week - i went in his room last night and took ALL of his wires, he also is loosing his DS and Game Cube and depending on his attitude when he gets home tomorrow, he may loose his outside time as well. Was that overreacting, maybe. I am going to be in a situation soon where I am the only one home dealing with him. I know that he is testing his boundaries and is 9, that is normal, but I can't allow him to push his limits and not see a consequence. His step-dad will be gone for months and I know I am in for a long journey.

I try to keep it is a last measure. However if I say something then I stick with it. If i say that he won't get out or watch his favourite programme on tv I would not allow him to watch it. Otherwise my son won't take me seriously next time. I try to keep this type of punishment as rare as possible.

I haven't started taking away privileges yet. Though I've heard that Dr. Phil recommends doing so. He says that you have to find your child's currency. For my daughter that would be her DVDs or playing outside. If I took away her DVDs, she would simply sit by herself in her room and play with her dolls. She's very resourceful. Right now, she's not doing anything too bad. So I haven't taken anything away yet. Maybe soon, I'll have to. I'll keep this idea in mind!

Well, I don't know as I'm right or not here and I certainly am not judging you so don't think that I am but I do think that sports are a good thing for kids. I never took away something like that as a punishment. The school will usually take away the sports privilege if grades are not kept up. I usually never took a pre-planned event away from my kids unless it was stated ahead of time that you can do this IF you do this. Much depended on the crime and the situation. I usually use the "crime" for future priviledges. Not knowing your situation, its hard for me to really say that you were wrong here. I try to make the punishment fit the crime. I raised 4 and every situation and every kid is different. I could tell you what I'd do with my daughter in any given situation and it would be all wrong for your son. Heck, with 4 of them here....there were no cut and dry solutions. All you can do is listen to the advise of everyone else and then listen to your heart. No one knows your child as you do.

hi katsmeow no you are not too harsh, just be consistent. I never had a lot of money to buy my son a lot of stuff like computers and computer games, but if he pushed me and disrespected me I would cut down on his outdoor p riveleges but he was really a good kid and this seldom happen So I can truthfully say maybe once in three months if that.

Good day.. Well, it depends on the gravity of the mistake. I mean if I think it's fair to give him a second chance without repercussion or the mistake is minimal/ easily forgivable I won't take away his privileges and can give him another chance. But if the mistake is grave and that action should be taken immediately so as not for him to forget it easily and repeat it then I would take away his privileges if not more. It's hard but I'll do it for his sake.

When taking away privileges, I think you have to weigh the consequences. I think, when you stop your child from participating in the soccer game, it hurts the other players on the team that depend on him. If my daughter did that to her son who is goalie,it would definitely penalize the team since he is the best goalie in the league. I would find another punishment, another privilege to take away. And do stand by whatever you decide, but I would have found another one to take the place of this one.

Discipline and education is the most important things but sport activities are not less important. If my kids doing something wrong i don't let for them to watch tv or something like this. But i don't think that it is right don't let for kids to do sport activities because they did something wrong. In future you can get situation when you son will do something wrong on purpose that don't go to do sport activities. Just leave him without favorite toy or don't let for him to watch favorite programme on tv.

As a parent, I’m well aware that there are times when a certain punishment fits the crime, and there are other times when all logic goes out of the equation, and the punishment that’s dished out is way overboard

Yes, I used to feel bad after punishing my children, but I also knew that it was good for them. When they are asleep and you watch them after being punished, you wonder whether you did right. Now they are all grown up and I don't have to worry about such things any more. When the children are very young, keeping them indoors as a punishment works out. But once they grow up, say after 8 years onwards, they really don't mind because they have a lot to do inside the home itself. Play games on the computer, or just use the computer or watch television. So the grounding has to be total when they grow up. I do wish you all luck in bringing up your son. Do enjoy it.

katsmeow1213, Kudos here. I am on your side on this taking away of privileges and you had done the right thing. Soccer may be a team sport, but I can always tell the coach and get him excused for some good child discipline. So what if he is an essential team member or the key player, I am sure you would not want another spoilt brat soccer star who is going to ruin away his life without any good old parent discipline. I would not stand and agree to that. All parents will never want to punish their child if they had behaved and showed discipline in the first place. Just ignore what some had said about your son getting misunderstood by his team, I am sure as adults from the coach to you parents - all will understand. Parenting is never easy and there is no true methods, everything and everyday is circumstantial. We just need to go trial and error and be ever observant. Where they enjoy most, will be their soft spot and we just need to limit them when they are out of line. There will be certain instances where it will warrant a corporal punishment and I just hope that that day will not happen for your child. However, you will need to be prepared for such a day and hopefully you will not spare the rod and spoil the child, then. Take care and have a nice day.

I threaten them with it, but up until now I have never had to carry it out as they always behave themselves once I warn them. If they got to the point where they thought I was just joking and carried on messing about then I would carry out my threat because they need to know that they cannot get away with it.

Well I always tried practiced "let the punishment fit the crime". Often times when I look back on my parenting, I think I was too hard in some areas and maybe a wee bit lax in others where my oldest is concerned. It is always unique with the first child and in my case I was divorced too. As one grows in parenting life, one sorts these things out. So long as the children aren't always on punishment for little insignificant things, then privileges should be taken away and rules must be honored. You question yourself to keep in check and that's a good thing. Parenting is tough because love is so great. Keep up the good work, your children will benefit greatly!

Kat,time and time again I watch my kids struggling with parenting their own kids,and boy its a hard job.Yes you may have to take away priveleges to make them understand right from wrong,in the UK it is now against the law to chastise your child by smacking him/her.so that is out of the window.But therefore we need to adopt other ways of making them toe the line.The one way that my grand kids are affected is if they have things taken away from them ,things that they love doing,say the play station gets removed and they have to go and read a book,or the Nintendo is confiscated lo and they have to go play bat and ball instead.But this method does seem to deter them,it seems to make them think twice about doing any real wrong.OK well supernanny would say send them to the naughty corner lol,but then it breaks your heart to see them sobbing in that corner,so you cave in,and soon enough you are back to square one.I reckon a little deprivation never hurt anyone.