Do you ever have problems with your children and find it takes a lot of time to
By Loverbear
@Loverbear (4918)
United States
October 14, 2008 2:27pm CST
Do you ever have problems with your children and find it takes a lot of time to forgive them? I have posted about what happened with my grown daughter and her family, and how much it hurt. I still love my daughter with all my heart, but there has been so much after shock from their living with me for 9 months. I've had my car repossessed, I had an Acura that I loaned to my daughter and her husband; I ended up having to sell it because of the 44000 miles they put on it and the damage to the under body including the catylitic converter. I had paid $6000 for the car a year ago last Christmas and managed to sell it for $800. I am trying to pay off an enormous electric bill, necessary repairs to my house have had to go on hold for an indefinite period of time, and I ran out of propane and can't afford to get more; so I am having to use the second water heater that is out side in my wash house to take my showers-out in the wash shed.
There is much more that happened, and it nearly killed me- seriously! I not only was considering suicide, but also I was having so many physical problems that if things had continued on suicide wouldn't have been an option because I would have already been dead. My life has settled down, my daughter and her family have moved to another area in the state; and I have had time to reflect on what happened.
I am sure my daughter reads my posts, as she is a member of myLot. I hope she realizes that the posting that I did was out of the necessity of getting the built up poison out of my system. I needed input to see if I was nuts in the feelings that I had. I love her with all my heart and hate the feelings that I have had but with everything that happened it was really difficult to get the feelings under control.
Today is my birthday, and as a gift to myself I am finally letting the awful feelings go. I just want my daughter to know that I do love her and her family and I forgive them for everything. And CONGRATULATIONS on getting into UC Bakersfield.
3 responses
@cathywigg (14)
•
14 Oct 08
I know it must be hard for you forgiving things like that im sure if it was anyone else but your own flesh and blood you would not have been able to forgive.
It takes a big person to forgive such things and i hope you daughter realises how much she is loved and that she shows it is returned. I wish my mum had been more like this when we had our problem but it was me who had to be the bigger person.
xx
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
14 Oct 08
There are a lot of times that we have to choose to set aside our pride and be the bigger person in a situation and apologize for what ever happened.
I was at my Mom's side every day for the last 53 days of her life. During that time she looked up at me, in one of the brief times that she was lucid, and said "I am so sorry for being such a B---H and being such a burden on you. I know it was hard for you to put up with my temper and my mouth but I do want you to know how sorry I am for making things so difficult for you." I cried, and told her that she didn't need to apologize that she had been forgiven long ago. Two days later she lapsed into a coma and the next day she passed away.
There will come a day when your Mom will come around and apologize for everything. It's a hard thing to do in any situation because none of us like being wrong or admitting that we did something to hurt someone. But once we do apologize, we do feel better.
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
15 Oct 08
I decided yesterday, my birthday, not to carry the venom of not forgiving my kids. I love them dearly but was very upset with their actions and the treatment of me while they were living with me. I just can't hold on to the hurt and upset of not forgiving them for their actions.
I think a big part of it is that by harboring the negative emotions it brings more negative emotions to you. Pretty soon your whole world is full of negativity and it is a very non productive world. By giving up the negative, I am becoming more productive in my choosen form of art, and really starting to enjoy doing the work involved with that art, and what I am producing is showing the lack of negativity on my part.
I will admit that it will be a long time before I allow them to spend the night, but it was a very big step to finally say to myself and the world "I forgive my kids."
I don't consider myself a big person, it's just that I am tired of feeling the hurt and pain. The funny thing is that I am able to forgive an outsider faster than someone who is a member of my family. I think it's because an outsider doesn't know me well, where my family should know me and what rules I want followed along with the fact that they should be more conscious of being careful with my possessions than they were. That is a big reason why I took so long to forgive my daughter and her family. So, I figure that in the amount of time it took for me to finally decide to forgive them (7 months!) I really am not as big a person as you would think I am.
@cathywigg (14)
•
15 Oct 08
you go tthe in the end hun. and personal i think that does make you a big person even if you dont feel that way xxx
@rev1wendy (611)
• United States
14 Oct 08
My son has been married for 7 years and I forgave him a long time ago, but he didn't call to let me know for over a month after their marriage. I hurt very badly, as we had always been close. It made me resent my daughter-in-law and blame her. We didn't talk for more than 2 years. Now I know that I will never allow anything to come between us again. Forgiveness is so very important to our well-being. I am glad you are healing. God bless.
Rev Wendy
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
14 Oct 08
I watched my Mom for the last 17 years of her life. She wasn't one to forgive. It seemed like with the lack of forgiveness just built a horrible wall in her life. She missed out on wonderful friendships, fun trips with potential friends, and it affected her health. In short, not forgiving people just added hateful brick upon brick building that wall around her until it totally enveloped her. The people that she hated and didn't forgive were the ones that stepped forward and not only were there when she was dying, but the have helped me out a LOT after she passed away. I had these same people bring me food and other things while my kids were staying with me (I had five extra people in the house...three adults and two children).
Each time you deny forgiveness, you add a brick to that wall that you are building between you and the world.
Thank you so much for your response and your blessing. Would you please pray for me? I am having an MRI next Monday on my right shoulder which has been extremely painful for me the past 4 years. It's gotten to the point that it has affected my function in my right hand. I am hoping that they will find what is causing the problem and will fix it.
1 person likes this
@rev1wendy (611)
• United States
14 Oct 08
Dear Heavenly Father;
We come to You today to ask for relief from pain in Loverbear's shoulder. You, Lord, are the Great Physician. You know our needs before we do. And You know our hearts better than we do. Lord, bless us, your children, and help to know your will in our lives.
We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son and our redeemer,
Amen
Happy Birthday.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
14 Oct 08
i am going through this situation with my siter in law and my mother in law (hubbys family) because my father in law has recently diagnosed with altzheimers and my sister in law is trying to be helpful and warn my mother in law of stuff to come and she is in denial at the moment, so its sort of tough right now with lots of hurt feelings etc.
