Not my kind of mother

No, not all women are capable of being a good mother. It takes a lot more than giving birth to a baby to be a mother. It really aggravates me when a parent, mother or father fails to take care of their child. I have children of my own, and every decision I make is based on how it will effect them.

I believe everyone is capable of being good mothers but then there are women who cannot basically due to several factors like psychologically they have been abused or did not also receive much love from their parents which causes them to be a less mother to their children... I have a neighbor who does not care about her children at all. She just lets them roam along the streets and when the children wakes up in the morning the children does not have anything to eat...she doesn't care if they are not in school but from i could see the reason of all of this is poverty, they do not have the financial capacity to bring up their children which is very sad and this situations affects them psychologically, she is in a state where she does not mind what is happening and just accepts whatever is there infront of her...:(

Most women are physically capable of being mothers, but not all women have the ability to be good mothers. I don't think it's something that can be learned easily, but that it is something that comes naturally to a certain extent. Over time, "good" mothers learn and grow along with their children. No mother is perfect. In my opinion, any mother who would claim to be such is proving that she's far from it. I don't know all of the details of your friend's situation in kicking out her son and his family, but it is quite possible that there are underlying issues that haven't been mentioned. Perhaps she had been enabling some bad behaviours by having them there, and the only way for them to pull their own weight would be to kick them out? Rarely do minor incidents cause major changes such as you've described, unless of course, the issue is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. What would it take to throw my own kids out of the house? It would be a last resort, I know that. But there are rules, and if they weren't abiding by them, then they'd have to go (once they were adults.... before then, they are fully my responsibility). I'm not talking about putting away laundry or helping with garbage. I'm talking about society rules that need to be abided by. I would also expect my children to either be working or in school. If neither of those were happening, then they would need to move out.

Not all women are capable of being good mothers. Wouldn't it be nice if all the people in the world who are destined to become horrible parents were born sterile? But on the other hand, it's a parent's responsibility to raise their children to be independent, contributing adults. And there are some situations where a child needs to be shown some tough love rather than having the parents rush in and make everything all right for them. Depends on the situation.

Perhaps we don't know everything? My brother was homeless on and off for 20+ years. Sometimes my parents took him in. Twice they bought houses for him...which he lost due to not paying a $200 a month mortgage payment!!! For a 4 bedroom house!!! So...like I said, perhaps we don't know everything there is to know. Sure a mother should love her children so much that she'll do anything for them. My mom wore the same winter coat for about 12 years, but we got new ones each year. Still, sometimes being a good parent means using tough love.

Some people just don't have that nurturing instinct in them. They may be intelligent enough to raise the children, especially if there is a spouse there watching. But even though they may love their children, once they are grown, they see them in a different light. They become adults competing for the same resources. Very easy to disconnect from. Too sad. I have six kids three are 24, 23, 20 and they all still live at home. I am in no hurry for them to leave either. Especially with the way the economy is. I want them to not just be okay. I want themt to far surpass anything that I have ever accomplished.

Just as all human beings are capable of being good people,so too are all women capable of being good Mothers.The choice is theirs.One wonders why some Mothers are so cruel,cold and unfeeling.I cannot understand this myself,as I have the most loving,kind, and caring Mother any child could wish for.Perhaps it was the way in which these unfortunate individuals were themselves raised.

wow this is cruel for a mother to just put your child out door but there are two side to every story it must have been a pretty bad disagreement for her to put them out doors.

Hi Alena, I can never understand this either, my door is open at any time for my children but I am friendly with a guy who gave up the RAF to be a fulltime single dad because his wife at the time abandoned all three of her children and the youngest who was new born and his would have been taken into care otherwise, her two others are in foster care as they are not his, this woman much prefers to go drinking with her new boyfriend than even call to see how her children are. It is so sad to think that these woman can be so heartless and cruel. I thought be a nuturing mother was natural as it is to me but obviously not to some eh! Huggles. Ellie :D

Some people believe once the kids are grown they have to support themselves. Sometimes it's necessary. My inlaws have taken my BIL back into their home numerous times. He is now past 35 years of age, has not been able to hold a job for longer than six months (except for a brief stint with the army that lasted about 1 1/2 years), never saved a dime if his life depended on it, has three kids with three different women, managed to marry and divorce the last one... Well, the list is longer but my inlaws have spent a great amount of money on him to put him back on his feet over and over again. They themselves don't have much but he still comes back every single time. There is a point where you just have to cut off your child or he/she will never learn to live on their own. In your case, I suppose you are talking about your mother? Otherwise I doubt you really know what's going on and only hear the kids' accounts. How was she as a mother when the kids were kids? How grateful are the kids for the care they received? If she was nicer when they were younger something must have happened to bring on this behavior. If she was a bad mother back then, maybe she resented the kids to begin with, only had them to please her husband, whom she might not have liked either. How was she treated by her husband? Was the marriage forced? Not all women are good mothers. Those usually choose not to have children to begin with. If they happen to have children, they are greatly left to themselves or to the care of nannies etc. But even for good mothers there are circumstances where tough love is in order or you'll raise somebody like my BIL.

I think most women would be a good mother but not all. The ideal mother would love her child uncondiotionally. I think it has something to do also with the upbrining. It may be unintentional but sometimes we mimic some of our parents traits. There are some mother who choose to give up their children for adoption. Does that make them bad? I guess it depends on the reason.

That is so sad. I know mothers like this and it is heart breaking. There are so many selfish mothers out there that should never be allowed to have kids. Always putting themselves first with no regard for their children and their needs. I've seen kids do without while their mothers go out and buy everything for themselves. I could not imagine spending money on myself if my son was in need of anything. He is always first in my life and that will never change. Not all women are capable of being good mothers.

hi. Sometimes, life is a chain reaction. I have read some of the responses to your discussion and i believe them. Some parents mimic what their parents were when they are still children. And intentionally or unintentionally, they follow that trait or traits when they already have their own kids. If this happens, then the cycle goes on and on building hatred, anger and broken families or alienation to parents. But I admire those who really try to cut the cycle of traits in the family. Like my mother. She was sent to school only until elementary. During those days, she has to wake up 5 am to work in the fields and then get ready to school by 6. When they have school projects, my grandmother will force her to be absent because she had no money to pay for that project. While her sister and brother were sent to high school and college but were not able to graduate. She was not the favorite. We are 6 and all of us were schooled. The 1st studied Automotive, 2nd a Seaman, 3rd a nurse, 4th a welder, 5th a computer engineer and yours truly, soon to be a lawyer. Thats my mom. She is not a perfect mother but she strived hard to cut the cycle. As to the woman you speak of, just pray for her. There is power in prayer and try to fill the gaps with communication and humility. Harsh words will stir the heart with fury but compassionate voice will pacify a raging storm. God Bless