temptation or happiness?
By migenKC
@migenKC (792)
Philippines
October 18, 2008 7:21am CST
please put your self into my situation to understand every values i consider and the reason behind i get confused.
it is basically like choosing between my boyfriend and everything my parents thought me to believe and them.
it is on my religion that we could not marry someone who are not on the same church. and my father had been very strick to me ever since. i kept my relationship from them for years already. until sudenly there's this someone who told him that he saw me being with a man. freak!! now my dad is kept on sending me messages, telling that he trusts me of not doing anything i know is wrong, of not listening to templation... and he wants me to be truly happy.
i did try to break up with my boyfriend... i did had a hard time trying and i ended up choosing him again. i want to be with him. i am happy. i dont know if this love is classified as a "puppy love" as what my parents are thinking.
i am not against anybody... neither my father to anyone who believes different, but its kind a like a culture that i could not easy escape. put your self of believing something that you are afraid to break of.. example, being a vegetarian.. or being someone who are not allowed to eat because you are thought it is a sin.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
19 Oct 08
Where are you from girl, to have such a strict restriction on your choice of your mate. I do understand where you are coming from.. and it's just like those Muslim malays whereby they can only marry within their own religion and race. And I could never understand why would religion matters in something that is a matter of our heart? Oh well..
I have no advice for you.. Just that for you to be strong, and to fight for what you truely believe in. If your dad is wrong, then he's wrong. Take care!
1 person likes this
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
the reason is actually to keep the strenght of the faith.
example, if you marry someone on different belief, you will most likely have different traditions, spend some time to discuss of your different beliefs and critisize each other. or the worse thing is, if the partner will insist and ask you to do what he/she is doing in which probably againts from what the other one believe. its like, you can never mix light and dark... white and black... sugar and salt.. the two different elements will keep on fighting against each other.. and my dad have seen many families broken because of it.
thank you anyway for supporting me.... enjoy mylotting
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
19 Oct 08
Ugh... Screw that freak who told him. Hehe. But then again, you cannot hide the relationship forever either way right? So it's better off this way that you can try to find a way to make things better than to keep things in secret. Hmm... I basically think that religion doesn't matter. Because there are so many religions in this world and we don't know which really is the real one. I do stand for my religion and believe in God but still, it makes me wonder where all the others came from. Practically speaking, people would want someone who live in the same principles. Such as parents would naturally want for their sons and daughters.
I think you're still young and that religion is not an issue yet. You aren't getting married any sooner yet right? It's a long way to go. So I suggest that you live life to the fullest and enjoy every time you have with your guy. In the end, I hope that your father understands you for that. You have a lot of time to make a difference and make your dad understand how happy you are with him. Everything is not going to be easy but if you two really love each other and are willing to go against the odds, then I believe you'll get through somehow. Good luck.
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
19 Oct 08
:) i appreciate.. you gave your opinion..
but it is not as easy as what you think or said...
assume that you are a vegetarian or something that you can not eat.. and then you are tempted to eat because everyone is eating it and it smells so nice to you...
and you where thought that if you eat it, youll be in sin... what are you goin to do?
it might be easy to choose what you want.. but it will always be difficult to ignore the people you love and loved you from the begining
1 person likes this
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
its okay... atleast i know how people can actually simphatize with me.
i had a serious talk with my boyfriend last night, and we decided to face all the odds. he's going to try to believe what i believe. i hope everything will be fine..coz i dont want to leave anybody
1 person likes this
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
19 Oct 08
I see. I'm sorry, yes it is easier said than done. I was hoping to give some encouragement but I guess I failed.
Umm... In that case. It's really hard to make a choice, to eat or not to eat. Then again, maybe it is the right time to follow what you think is right. And sometimes the right decision is the hardest decision. It's not about ignoring the people you love and loved from the beginning, you have to take both into account. As you said, it's difficult... I wish I knew what to say to somehow make you less confused.
@nickventere (1420)
• Zambia
19 Oct 08
One thing you and your dad need is trust, confidence, love and respect for each other. I can see you are not getting enough from him already.
However, you are able to chart the way in the right direction by initiating a discussion with you dad.
You must find time to tell him, honestly, about how you feel in regarding your private life.
Remind him that he stands for your happiness. Then tell him that your happiness can only be found in a partner of your choice, who has YOUR own preferences, etc.
Perhaps you could try to make him understand that he cannot impose someone on you.
Time is gone, I guess, when parents played the role of match-makers!
So, dearie, go for your happiness.
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
19 Oct 08
Well, i guess al parents are alike ^_^ They only want the best for their child, and especially u are a gal, plus u are still young.. HE's scared that u might neglect your stidies because of your bf, and that something might happen that will make u regret later in life.. SO your father is not wrong here..
But at the same time, u need to prove your father wrong, that u are able to care and protect yourself well.. When such a thing happen, think for yourself, what do u really want.. Fight for it and always maintain a win win situation for both ^_^ Because if u dun fight for your own rights for things, then nobody will be able to help u with it.. U have to grow up one day, let your father understand that
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
18 Oct 08
well as a father, i was brought up the same way. i was brought up cathic, you marry a cathic, or they go end up going to be cathic.
my son married someone who isn't a cathic, and now he changed his faith. to me it's no big deal, but i often hear my dad complain about it.
i guess some parents are stuck in thier ways, but to me if he's a good young man, and treats and respect you i see there shouldn't be any problmes.
i would be straight up with your parents and say he's great and dad he treats me the way you treat momma. if you have him meet your family he really have to pour on the respect.
want i like hearing from young men who dates my daughter is "sir i will love, respect and treat her the best"
good look to ya
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
19 Oct 08
thank you for the comment.. gee.. my boyfriend read it and the only thing he said was... "he's a cool dad" well you are.. coz you did change as time did change..
but let me ask you a question if you may... if you did marry someone outside cathic, will you going to fight against all the odds?
@hellcord (673)
• Romania
19 Oct 08
Well really I see no way of NOT marrying your bf if this is what YOU want to do. What's the alternative, break up with him and hope to find another guy you will like, that fits your parents' needs ?
What if the next guy is a different religion as well ? :D
I'm not sure how things work in your culture, maybe parents and their wishes are much more important, but if anyone tried to tell me in which religion I could or could not marry, they'd be talking to themselves :)
It's your life, your heart, and you only have one of each. I say if the man is good and the feelings are strong, then no religious dogma or tradition or 'saving face' should get in the way.
Peace :)
@tholitz (1127)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
Hi migenKC!
You are really in a difficult situation, who will you follow, your heart or your parent. Though I know that a father really wanted the best for their children and would not in anyway meddle with what their children want, it is probably the thought of what their church mate would say to them if they will allowed your relationship to happen.
I think you should follow first your parent. They say that love will find it's way to each other heart if it is meant to be. Maybe if your parent will see how persistent your boyfriend in suing you (and see how much he loves you) or how this break up had affected and ruined your life, they could change their decision and allowed your relationship to continue.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
23 Oct 08
It is your life... you don't belong to your parents...
You have to do what's good for you first...
And what's good for your parents second...
If your parents don't respect your choice...
They are selfish in putting their happiness before yours...
However... as you are only 18...
I would doubt very much that you are wise enough to decide what's good for you. Which is why your parents are still guiding you... That's what parents are for.
Religion is a culture... but its role in the Western World has been diminish.
Today you would be call "Racist" for not letting your daughter marry someone from a different religion. When people of two different religions marry... one of them usually convert to their partner's religion in order to marry in church. It is usually the one who puts love ahead of religion... who does convert.
@donn_juan (325)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
explaining to your dad or parents what will make you happy will make them understand. if your happiness is what's important to them i think they'll understand how you feel. although it is safe to marry someone from your own religion, i guess you can never fool the heart.
you should also consider their concerns. try to soul search and ask for guidance from above, i'm sure he'll shed some light on your situation..good luck!;o)
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
19 Oct 08
oh thank you...i am praying hard..but sometimes its hard to ask for something that you dont actually know what to ask for.. when you are not prepared if something will be out of control... i know i should always have my trust into Him... but he have given me the will to choose, and in any of the given choices.. i guess there is nothing wrong unless until i finally cannot go back.
