How Far Should We Go To Let Our Kids Feel Included??

As a teenager myself i think that it is essential to be able to express myself. I think you should sit down with your daughter and ask her about it. Make sure you do not make fun of or in any way affend the 'emo' dress style or stuff like that. Just kind of ask her if she is dressing like that just to fit in.

The whole emo movement is a copycat movement of the goth movement of the 90's. Sorry emo kids, it's just the truth. I went through a phase where I wore black lipstick and clothing and heavy eyeliner. My personality didn't change. I was still the little church girl I always was...just trying to express myself. This is just a phase. Ironically, I went through this phase at almost exactly the same age your daughter is going through it. I promise you that if you let her dress how she wants to, the phase will past within a year or two. She might carry over one or two characteristics of this style into her personal style that she adopts as an adult, but she'll get tired of it. Most kids do something like this when they are in high school or late middle school. I'm surprised that the dark makeup bothers you more than the hair. My mom wouldn't let me dye my hair when I was that age, but she didn't really argue with my makeup. She didn't like it, but she never told me NO I couldn't wear it. I think that was part of the reason the phase ended as quickly as it did...she didn't fight me over it so it wasn't a form of rebellion anymore.

Personally, I think this is a stage that she is going through. A Fad if you will. Encourage her that a little goes a long way and is much more attractive. Perhaps take a picture of her before and after and compare them with her. Ask her to try and go lighter and see how she feels. My niece went through the same thing, including piercings. It's all better now, a couple years later. On the other hand, since she is only 13 and you are her Mom, you could easily just say no, that the heavy make up is not acceptable. She may thank you later. In the large scope of things, her is your kid at school with hundreds of others. She stands out with the heavy black make up. Sure her friends may or may not wear their make up the same but to the majority, she probably looks kind of gacky. If you think that it looks bad, just tell her so. Sounds like your relationship is such that she is likely to respect your opinion. I hardly doubt that the way we wear our make up gauges if we "fit in" or not. Cloths, maybe but make up, to the extreme? I hardly think so.