Women, which is worse? Losing husband to another woman? Or to a man?

United States
October 19, 2008 10:49am CST
I just heard it's happened to ANOTHER friend. Her husband has left her... for another man. She had absolutely no idea he was gay and is in shock. She is having a very hard time with this, and seems to think it's worse that he deceived her since she never had any inkling he was attracted to men. Having your marriage end is never easy, but which do you think is worse, being left for another woman, or for a man? And why?
3 people like this
9 responses
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
19 Oct 08
I think that losing him to a man would be easier. Either way would be hard but I think for many gay people, it is very hard to "come out". Some were raised to believe it was sinful and there is also the very real fear of ridicule and rejection. I think some marry or get involved with women in an attempt to hopefully keep their little secret. I think they really do care about the women they choose to be with deeply. The problem is that they are gay and they were born that way and they can't change it. It is a shame that they are not more free in this world to be just who they are without all the torment from judgemental, ignorant people. Things have improved some over the years but they still have a long way to go.
@monimo (83)
• Canada
19 Oct 08
but if he were to be gay all along, he wouldn't have chosen the lady to marry, or be attracted to her physically. But I do agree with the coming out part, it's still a very difficult thing to achieve in our society and I feel for the people who can not bc of other people's mentalities.
1 person likes this
• Kenya
20 Oct 08
Well, losing one's husband to a woman is worse. This is because you will feel used or cheated upon rather than losing him to a man.Losing him to a man is a sorrowful and shameful act upon the man or what do u feel?
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
20 Oct 08
For me, another woman would be harder. I'd constantly question what does she have that I don't...what does he see in her that he doesn't see in me...ect. With him leaving for another man, it's just that I'd look at it as there's something wrong with him...some attraction that draws him to men. Not to mention it would give me the ick factor. Hopefully my Hubby never leaves me...I don't ever see it happening. [b]~~IN SEARCH OF PEACE WITHIN~~ **AGAINST THE STORMS, I WILL STAND STRONG** [/b]
@tessah (6617)
• United States
20 Oct 08
losing em to another woman i think would be worse. afterall.. itd mean i werent "good nuff" considering shes got the same equipment i do. another man would be easier to swallow. if couples could have the ability to comminucate openly about everything without fear.. these types of secrets and destruction wouldnt occur. my husband likes men.. i dont have a problem with it. i like women.. he doesnt have a problem with it. we can talk, express, speak freely, and trust each other enough to share these things as a couple should be able to. there are no secrets.
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
i would feel bad for both not only feel bad but i would be deceived with it. it is not a matter of losing your husband to another woman or a a man but the thing is the husband was not as faithful as what he had promised when you both tied the knot. i would be hurt with both no matter what.
@animeniak (425)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I think for women it would be worse for them to lose their husband to another woman, because naturally, it seems that when women lose their husbands to another woman, it's like that her husband would be having another affair (what?) or just simply cheating on his wife. If the woman loses her husband to another woman, than it's like saying that woman who lost her husband to another woman isn't any better than the other woman who took her husband and whatnot. I didn't have a such experience as a guy losing a girlfriend to another guy, really because I have never had a girlfriend for whatever reason lol but I have seen something similar going on in my house (yes.. sadly) but recovered a couple days later. If a woman lost her husband to another man, then I don't know how to say that, but maybe a woman who recently lost her husband would be pretty shocked, because that means that she has been a wife of a gay person..... (kind of sick -_-) technically that is cheating I guess, but it's just natural for women or man losing their partner to their another person of their own gender is shocking.. I think? lol
@djoyce71 (2511)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
Both are worst for me, because both situations would hurt someone so much specially if you love that person who did that. The thought of losing someone you love is painful, how much more if you realized that he has another woman or man.
@mimico (3617)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
For me, it would hurt more if my husband was with another man! That would mean that I was a fool to fall for him in the first place and that I'm not enough to keep him happy so much so that he had to turn to another man. Yuck! I'd really be pissed and angry. Being left for another more beautiful or more successful woman would also hurt too. I'm not taking lightly.
@Tianna2 (1273)
• United States
19 Oct 08
Not having gone through this I cant say for sure but I would imagine it would be worst as on top of everything else I would feel used and lied to about his sexuality. Whether or not he knew he was gay, he at least had to have feeling about being with another guy and that should have been confessed before marriage. I would cetainly confess all of my feelings before making a life comitment of any kind. I feel for your friend. Hugs, Tianna