abuse

Women who have been abused have no self-esteem. You don't know what she's truly feeling. You don't know why she's staying. Some of the men that are abusing these women make them feel 2 inches tall and that they wouldn't survive without them. It is hard work and very tiresome to deal with- but think about what it must be like for her to get beaten and made to feel as if she's lower than dirt.

You can advise her and ask social workers to intervene if you think her health and life is at risk, or those of her children. But I am afraid that you cannot do much in this situation. She has to fight for her rights and earn her self esteem. © ronaldinu 2008

I do not think you are selfish, but I think sometimes friends just want a should to cry on and do not want the advice or tips we want to give thme. It is a sad fact of life. I wish you and your friend good luck tho, there will be hard times again if she continues to think the same way.

that guy is psychotic! your friend should leave him now because he will do it over and over again.. and for sure things will be worse once they get married.. i hope your friend will realize the consequences if she will prolong the agony caused by her abusive bf.. if i were her friend, i wouldn't tolerate this kind of thing.. i will tell her stop being a martyr, move on and look for someone else who will love you unconditionally..

Baby...................please! Abuser are the best performers that ever lived. You friend has low self-esteem. You have to hit girlfriend with the truth. If she likes it you love it. In her mind, she thinks she need him because she has his children. Those tears are suppose to prove he can't live without her! BS........common sense,How a man that beats your behind, cry! He's kicking your butt. I've been there done that! Tell your girl to develop a plan and get the hell out. If she decidess to stay tell her you do not want to hear anymore about their drama. If she you're friend, she is going to do one of two things. She's either going grow or go! Boo Boo you don't need him, He needs you! Love yourself, because your feeling matter. When she get fed up, she will take action. You have to make her mad enough, call it what it is................he's a bum and liar! I can't stand man that abuse women. I was battered so bad by my minister(ex) husband, I don't even play fight with my fiancee. Cause I would probably catch a flashback of Ike Turner and go to jail! OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wmen in abusive realtionshis stay for many reasons. None are truly good ones, but to the woman in the relationship, they seem to be. It is a horrible cycle. As her friend, you have a choice. Sit back and let her make her choices, even though you don't agree with them, and be there for her when she needs someone, or you could chance ruining your friendship, but doing so only because you want help for her, and the next time he hits her, you can get law enforcement involved. I have a friend whose husband used to be pretty abusive. They split up a fw times, and she is now with him. They seem to be doing okay,he hasn't hit her in almost four yesrs, but, she had to take a stand and they had to work together to make it all work out. They have relocated, changed jobs, gone through counselling, and are fortunate to havseemingly beat the odds. I was in an abusive realtionship for three years, before my oldest son was born. I didn't get out until I felt he put my son in danger. If it weren't for that single incident, it is hard telling how long it would have lasted. Since I left him, he has married and realized what he did to me. If it weren't for that single time i felt my son was in danger, I would have continued on on the realtionship. For a very long time in my life, I actually thought that was normal behavior, and all women dealt with it. Your friend will hopefully see the light at the end of the tunnel before it is too late. I think she should really take a look at her kids and ask herself what it does to them, and how it will effect them in the future. Maybe some day, she will. In the meantime, be her friend, she will most definately need you. Even if you choose to call for help for her the next time, and she does become angry with you, I think eventually, she will be thankful in the end. That is a choice only you can make. Of course you are frustrated, you see the danger she is in from a different perspective than she does. Her self esteem is probably very low, she actually believes his lies, and she really thinks that it is love. She can't see it from your point of view. Have you asked her what she would tell her own kids if it were one of them?

This is really terrible stuff. I worked at a shelter for women who were victim of abuse, over the summer. And believe me, this is something that the caseworkers probably see. I can somewhat relate to how you feel. It's a very helpless feeling.

you're not selfish at all.....ur human. i would feel the same too it annoys me just to read about it espec when there's children involved cos at the end of the day its the kids that will really suffer. i suppose you have a couple of options, some of them quite harsh, some not, you can stand by your friend and be there all the time, you can tell her thats its breaking your heart watching her throw away her life especially when her life is at risk and possibly the childrens' too and tell her to realise the danger of the situation thats she is in and while she is involved with this man you will have no part in her life because you cant bear to watch her suffer more abuse at the hands of a man who it seems will not change, or you can wait until they move in and inform social services as soon as anything happens then even if she is willing to risk her life for 'love' at least you dont have the guilt of the childrens lives on your hands. we have a moral obligation i think and i know sometimes its best to just keep out of things and for a while your friend will not thank you for interfering but if she comes out of this relationship at all she will forgive you eventually for saving her children. but i am sure that we do have a moral obligation especially with children that we cannot just ignore what is happening, we have an obligation to ensure safety in a life and of possible to remove them from that danger. this would obviously be an option that needs serious consideration, could you report annonymously as you dont want your life being put in danger?? this is a horrible situation you are in and i would not wish it upon my worst enemy how do we know what is for the best and who has the right to decide this, you dont say how old the children are so i dont know how much psychologically viewing the behaviour of these two people will affect them. i had a realtive oonce who went through years of abuse and it took her ten years to finally leave him, she still took him back a couple of times for 'the kids(what rubbish how do kids benefit watchin daddy beat up mummy) or becuse she 'loved' him i think sometimes people get love mixed with fear. but whatever happens i wish you all the strenght in the world with whatever you decide to do and all the luck to your friend and her children especially.