What do you think of young mums? ie under 18
By vikkiadam
@vikkiadam (59)
October 27, 2008 11:08am CST
Many young parents fall into the steriotypical view of their child being conceived during a drunken one night stand and the parents living on state benefits.
I have to admit i had my little one when i was almost 15 but i was mature enough to deal with it. I finished high school and got all the grades i needed to get into the college course i have always wanted to do. I did this whilst bringing up my boy. My gorgeous boy is now 3 whilst i'll be 18 next month. I am still together with my son's father who is now 20. We are engaged to be married andhave a mortgage on our own 3 bed house. My partner works full time as a software developerwhilst i go to college to study midwifery and watch our little one.
My son may not have been planned or brought into this world in ideal circumstances but he has made us stronger as a family. We have supported him and love and cherish him every single day. I have not once relied on anyone else to bring up my son. Myself and my partner teach him right from wrong and we are doing as good a job as any older parent.
Everyone who meets my son comments on how fast he is developing which is a direct result from the time we as parents spend with him teaching him new things and reading to him. He can count to 20 already and he has just turned 3!
At the end of the day i believe not all young mums are bad mums.
It would be great to hear other people's views though - Do you believe all young mums are bad mums?
6 people like this
23 responses
@vikkiadam (59)
•
28 Oct 08
My family is not well off but my partner worked hard at uni and now has a good job in software development. Neither of us were given money on a plate we have to work hard for it like nay otrher family. Thanks for your comments =)
@thaMARKER (2503)
• Philippines
28 Oct 08
I guess it's too early for an 18 year old to get married or have a baby at that age. I guess at 18 you're still enjoying your teenage life and planning what to do after college. When I was at that age I had experiences that an 18 year old should not supposed to experience but it happened but thank goodness it's not about having a baby.
young mothers has a lot to learn at such a young age and already taking care of a baby. and a lot to know of herself too.
but the good side about being a young mum is that, she may know or relate how it feels if her baby is getting better and at when comes at 18, she can relate that quick because their age gap is not that far..
1 person likes this
@shell94 (990)
• Canada
27 Oct 08
Not all young mums are bad mums. But I feel that they are missing out on an important part of their life that they can never regain. I commend you and your mate on remaining a solid family unit for your son. It is hard to maintain any relationship let alone one when you are at such a young age. I would hope your parents are proud of you both for your determi9nation to make a good life for yourselves.
@Sheepie (3112)
• United States
27 Oct 08
Well, I'm glad you did such a good job raising your son, you seem very mature and intelligent, and you might even be a better parent than my mom who had me at 37.
But the people who are my age are definately not what I would think of as good parents, generally. I don't want people to kill their unborn children, but if the child was going to be raised by some of my peers, I would think it would be better off that way. Their parents haven't raised them correctly, so why should the chain continue? I think that things should be different in terms of teen pregnancy, but I'm very glad that you were so responsible. I don't think even I would do a wonderful job.
@leicyn (96)
• Philippines
28 Oct 08
Its hard to be a mom in an early age. but there is nothing wrong bout it as long as you know how to handle your responsibilities and mature enough to face all the circumtances of being a mom. You should be good example in raising a child. Emotionally and physically and financially ready to be a parents. Age is not a problem although you miss a lot of things in teenage life....
1 person likes this
@hildas (3031)
•
27 Oct 08
I can not really say anything bad, as I had two daughters by the time I was 18yrs.
I too am still with my partner (husband) after twenty two years. I now have another two daughters. One of my daughters just had a baby boy. I was cross at first as I did not want her to go through the hardship that we had, all them years ago, but now he is here it is great. They both work, have their own home and are a lot better of than I was.
What you have done is a great achievement. I wish you, your partner and your little one even more success in the years ahead.
@vikkiadam (59)
•
27 Oct 08
Thanks everyone for your input =) I'm glad to hear that not everyon will judge me by how old or young in my case i was when i had my son. I look alot older thn i am and when i recelty went to a parent toddler group with my little one i was chatting away to everyone with no problems but as soon as the aspect of my age came into it everyone seemed to change their opinion on me and the atmosphere completely changed. I haven't felt comfortable going back there. Some things are challenging in being a young parent of course but parenting is a challenge full stop.
@vikkiadam (59)
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27 Oct 08
Thanks hildas. It's great to hear of someone who understands what i'm going through lol!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
28 Oct 08
I think that you have a very sensible head on your young shoulders and you seem to know what you want and you are very focused it is great to hear. Seeing a lot of young Mums makes me feel sad, because unfortunately they are not all like you and do not know what they want and so end up having more children before they are 20 they have no fun, no time to be young themselves. I had my first child at 17 and I made a mess of everything, I raised my son well but I was not focused and just bumbled along instead of doing something with myself.
@vikkiadam (59)
•
28 Oct 08
Thnaks for your response =) It's always good to hear there is someone who won't judge me by what age i had my first child.
@Little_Boy (448)
• India
2 Nov 08
Girls under 18? Oh well, I believe they themselves are baby! So, they see a baby in the same eye as another baby sees its baby companion! How can a baby take the responsibility of another baby? Both physical and mental? When a girl crosses the age barrier of 12 or so, she biologically becomes fit for mothering a child. As I think, she can be only biologically a mother, not mentally or socially. This is not like that, as the girl has given birth to a child, so she would be formed into a good mother overnight. Actually girls under 18 years are legally not fit for being married. So if she gets pregnant, that is from an illicit relationship with her boyfriend or lover. So her parents need to be careful about that.
@vikkiadam (59)
•
3 Nov 08
I wouldn't say i was a baby - Far from it. I am perfectly capable of bringing up my son at the same standard as any older parent. You can legally get married at 16 in the Uk and why would my parents have to be carefull about my partner? I don't stay with them any more - we have our own mortgage. Plus my parents fully supported me in my decision to have my son. Thanks for your response anyway.
Guess its about how a person is. From the top of what you wrote shows that you a nice mum. Keep it up young age deosnt means that you are a bad mum. If you have a happy life and your husband is responsible for you then i wish you live a happy life.
@Shar1979 (2722)
• United States
27 Oct 08
i dont really agree on teen pregnancy. they're too young to even take care of a baby. it feels sad that some are in their teenage moms. i feel that they are already deprived of enjoying their life. they still has a lot of things to do than be a mom at an early age
@tcage08 (88)
• Canada
27 Oct 08
I agree with Shar's disagreement on teen pregnancy. Yes, there are some that CAN handle it (like yourself) and still succeed in life, but they are in the minority..and the situation hurts a lot more people than it helps.
If it happens, make the best of it...but otherwise NOT a good idea
@lou_66 (909)
•
28 Oct 08
i think it is unfair how young mums are treated. i have no childreen but i have plenty of friends who had there children when they were still under 18. i dont think it matters how old you are as long as the child is well looked after. as long as the child is healthy i dont think it matters how old ther mother is
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
28 Oct 08
Of course children should not be having children. I say children because teenagers can barely look after themselves without looking after someone else. Women in their twenties are better suited as they have hopefully matured and can look after themselves and have hopefully acquired a life partner. Father's role in child rearing has been discounted to the point where the state seems to take of the role of support and the father is deemed superfluous, which is a shame. It also makes it harder on the single mother without a life partner to help. These days it seems to be the way to have children, out of wedlock and single, and society has changed to encourage this state of affairs. Now we are getting lots of grandmothers in their 30's as they had children as teens and their children have children in their teens.
There seems to be a disconnect between young girls and teenage girls. The young girls want to have a career as a doctor, nurse or astronaut, but seem to lose that somewhere. Congratulations on finishing school and staying with your partner in what seems to be a successful life and career. Unfortunately you belong to the exceptions as pregnant teens tend to settle into a life of poverty and stay out of the work force, and tend to forfeit their education.
@kryshia (5)
• Philippines
28 Oct 08
well,well,well...(hope you wouldn't mind)but as far as my observations concerned, all young moms I knew was very liberated & hard-headed...of course we couldn't deny the fact in that age aggressiveness is present...but afterwards they will become hopeless...everytime they remember it, regret follows...parenting in adolecent stage is really needed but sometimes parents are so selfish...very strict...which could probably lead their children in doing such foolishness...some young moms I know are still depending on their parents financially...I'm glad to know that despite what happened to you in early stage...you were still able to manage it very well...just keep it up girl....GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR FAMILY!
@vikkiadam (59)
•
28 Oct 08
Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and comments. Its always good to hear whaty everyone thinks.
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
21 Jun 12
I was married in 1966, i was 23 and my wife was 16 then, we had our first kid a daughter when she was 17, things were different those days, but now girls marry around age of 25+ and guys at 35, so how are you now?
Let’s enjoy life to fullest.
Professor ‘*^Bhuwan^*’. .
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
27 Oct 08
I don't think that all yound moms are bad moms either. I think that you are very lucky that you partner stuck by you and truely must love you and your son. That is the most important part of being a strong family.
I do feel sad when I see a 14 yr old pregnant. I think that that baby is having a baby! I don't come to the conclusion that she is a bad parent, I feel that she is missing out on her own childhood. High school events, college experiences, life in general. When a young teen has a baby they have to turn their life around to doing what is best for their child. I do see way too many that rely on welfare to help them and that does make me mad.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
28 Oct 08
Although exceptions often make the rule, I feel sorry for young teen Mothers. The reasons for this are, they usually don't have all the facts, or if they do, its because they know they will finally get the attention they crave from their Parents. Most teenage girls know enough about the facts of life to avoid a pregnancy, so when a young girl becomes pregnant and she is asked "why?", she will say, "oh we were just taking a chance," or, "well we only did it once." This answer could mean that she is not getting the loving attention she needs from her parents at home. Also young girls will get themselves into a situation that ends in a rape for the very same reason. Generally this problem begins with Family Life and the General Upbringing of the teenager.
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
28 Oct 08
I admire young moms for their maturity for taking responsibility of raising a child. However sometimes I can't help but feel sorry sometimes, because some young moms were sort of forced to mature thus they feel that they missed a lot especially those times that they could enjoy what most teens of their age would enjoy. I agree not all young moms are bad moms, because raising a kid requires a lot of maturity and not having them aborted really means a lot already.
@chiaeugene (2225)
• China
27 Oct 08
if u ask me, i would think they are not ready for family life. they are in one because of circumstances like due to pregnancy and therefore rushed into marriage. i would not say all are unsuccessful marriage but at least those that i knew had divorced or do not have a happy family life. it is a heavy responsibility to be a mother. having this responsibility and doing it well is a different issue altogether and something i think young mum would lack the maturity to do so. while i am glad that you have carried out the responsibility well, there are many who may not be as mature as you to deal with the social changes esp managing a family.
