my friend need an advice
By koikoikeiji
@koikoikeiji (356)
Japan
October 29, 2008 2:06am CST
I've just talked to my friend today and she is so upset to his father. Her mother died 2006 then his year his father wants to marry again. Thats okey with her, since she is old enough herself and that is fathers privacy. But when her father introduce the girl his going to marry, the girl have a 3 year old son and her father said he is her brother. She cant beleived it. He is having a relation with this girl even her mother was still alive. Now my friend dont know how to react at this situation. She cant make friends now with the girl or his father or his step brother because she still thinking that they cheated her mother. Meed your advice. Thank you
8 responses
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
30 Oct 08
Awww, that's just so painful to know. I don't even know what advice to give you. This is just complicated. I would be hurt to if I were her. Her father have been dishonest and disloyal, it's actually an injury to her Mom's honor. But I think it would be better not to start something "bad" with the girl, maybe she didn't know too that her Dad is cheating with her, maybe she didn't know he was married and was a suffering too for your Dad's cheating... Sigh, this is really hard.
@koikoikeiji (356)
• Japan
30 Oct 08
Hi maple_kisses. You got a point there, maybe the girl doesnt know that her dad is married at that time, maybe she was also cheated by her father. I guess her dad should really clear something to her. Thanks for the response. Have a nice day.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
5 Nov 08
this kinds of situations is sometimes left undiscuss. time will heal wounds and there is always a perfect time for them to talk about this. if she does not like to be close with the new woman then your friend has all the right to do that. if your friend does not like to be close with the half sibbling then that is her right. give her time to get mad but hope she can have time to forgive and forget
@candysky (855)
• Malaysia
29 Oct 08
I feel sorry to heard that... i believe your friend really feel hurt.... because her father is cheating her and her mother... it is really not fair for her that have a step brother.... I have a friend also having the same situation.....it really difficult to accept.... but, she have to accept it anywhere.... she has no choice... although she don't want to accept, but that is the fact.... she can't change the fact.... so the only thing she can do is just accept it.... Have a happy life...
@koikoikeiji (356)
• Japan
29 Oct 08
hi there candysky. Thanks for the response. I really feel sorry for my friend, she really hurt so badlly, its very unfair for her and for her mother. At this moment she dont want anything to do with them. I guess we have to give her space right. I hope one day she will learn to accept them. Good day to you.
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
I was about to answer while I am halfway reading and thinking why would she bother to think about and just let her father remarry again, but hen I continued on reading and my fingers stopped typing when I read that the sons are her brothers (jaw drop) I think I would not talk to my father for a while and when my anger subsides I would ask him why he did something like that to my mom, of course I would be hurt not only for my mom but also for myself.
tell yuor friend that clear her head and anger first and then confront her father.
good luck!
@koikoikeiji (356)
• Japan
19 Nov 08
that was a very good suggestion my friend. to clear her head from anger and talk to her dad. she may know her parents but she may not know what happened within the relationship. there is no good idea than to talk to her dad to know about everything. she owes her dad an explaination. thanks for responding at my discussion. have a nice day
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
hi, koikoikeiji.
i can say here that what is done is done and just let things be, there's nothing she can do about it. but it does not really erase the pain your friend must be feeling right now. i felt a little hurt myself reading what you wrote. maybe a confrontation with her father is wise. it can be the start of HER healing, just so she knows the facts. i don't know. i find it hard to forgive those things but maybe with time and of course her father's efforts, she will be ok.
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
19 Nov 08
yes they all both need to start healing than just hurting. they have to move on but still needs, and demands an explanation from her dad. without her talking to her dad healing will not be around. that is a very good point you have there. thanks for responding at my discussion and hope to see you more around.
@fornits (44)
• Philippines
30 Oct 08
Bummer isn't it? But hey, it's done already and no one can undo it anymore. However it hurts, she must face the fact that she has a brother. Her father could have lied about it but he didn't. That means her father wants to clear some of his guilt or something.
She should talk to his father and tell him how she feels. Let it all out in the open once and for all. It's hard but hey, as I said, it's all in the past.
@koikoikeiji (356)
• Japan
30 Oct 08
Hi there fornits. I guess her father wants to clear some guilt or something, but for me he should have talked to his daughter first before he introduce the girl and the kid. Yes the past is the past, but we can do it a very gentle way. Thanks for the response. Happy my lotting.........
@fornits (44)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Yeah, her father could've told her first. Could've have, should've have. But he didn't. Your friend should remember that he's in a rut in itself so she shouldn't expect him to do the right things. The important thing is, he's opening up (however late it is) and your friend should take this opportunity to clear the air.
Again, it's not easy. I hope she gets passed this soonest.
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
29 Oct 08
It's hard ...
Your friend doesn't ask her father about this annoying thing? I think the best thing to do now is ask her father about it, did your friend are completely sure that her father didn't cheating with her mother when she is still alive? It's better asking to him rather than guessing, it's the best i can suggest to your friend right now ...
If her father proofed cheating and want to keep her as her wife, it's all your friend decision to admit her as her new stepmother or not
@redbucks (5)
• Philippines
30 Oct 08
That's really heartbreaking. Maybe she needs some breathing space for now, but sooner or later, she has to talk to her father about this. She may feel betrayed by her father but she cannot hate him forever. And please, don't involve the little kid, he doesn't know anything. She's her brother after all :) Hope she'll be okay soon!
@koikoikeiji (356)
• Japan
30 Oct 08
Hi there redbucks, welcome to mylot. Thanks for your nice response. I know sooner of later my friend will realized that the kid has nothing to do with. Maybe she will be get close to his brother to the fact that she is the only child. Maybe thats the best gift her father gave her, to have a brother. Have a nice day, and enjoy mylotting.................
