How do you handle being mad at a spouse?

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Ive been married now for some years and I guess I just cant get things right. This is my 3rd marriage, my first was with an abusive, controlling person we divorce 2 years after we were married but I went back with him and stayed another 5 till I got up the courage to walk away. my second was more mental than physical abuse he took care of me finacially, but he liked to cheat and lie. Now Im in my 3rd marriage I honestly am trying to break old habits and sometimes I do good but sometimes I just suck at it. I cant stand for him to be mad or upset at me and when he is he wont tell me why he tells me hes not but I keep on and finally it comes out but by that time he tells me Im being pushy and we start argueing. It usually ends up with him walking away because I have said something hurtful (I hate loving you so much, Maybe I married the wrong person, You dont even care, You dont love me) I try not to get so mad that I end up being hurtful but it's like I reach that point and the words start flowing. I end up so mad that I cant remeber what all was said and then he has to rehash it and he hates doing that. He tells me words come from the abundance of the heart it's in the bible. I know I dont feel the way my words come out. So How do you Handle being mad at a spouse? Do hurtful words come out? Do you walk away and not talk? Do you hit or throw things?