Have you ever had a miscarriage

@glords (2614)
United States
November 2, 2008 1:44am CST
Have you ever had a miscarriage? Sadly, we had a miscarriage this week. We were only six weeks into the pregnancy, but it was still very traumatic. We had starting picking out names and making plans for a new baby, and now that is all gone. I was in a lot of pain, as well as a deep depression. I blew off all of my friends this week, and I feel really guilty. Is this normal, or should I seek professional help? Also I feel so guilty and angry. I wonder why this happened. I keep wondering if I pushed myself too hard, or something. The doctor says its not my fault, but I feel like it must be someones fault. I don't know. Any advice would be nice.
8 people like this
19 responses
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
2 Nov 08
first of all, my deepest and most heartfelt sympathy for your loss. i had a miscarriage in 1996 at six weeks also. it was so emotionally painful for me and my husband. i wanted a baby so badly and like you said it is all just gone. you should NOT feel guilty in any way as you did nothing wrong and it is something you had no control over. please do not feel badly for blowing off friends either. i isolated myself for the first week and then my husband and i went to a support group at a local hospital and it did us a world of good to share our sorrow with others who had gone through the same exact thing. most people around us were very insensitive and said stupid things like, "well at least you can try again" or "perhaps it was for the best". we sure did not think it was for the best. the support group was the best thing we could have done to help us through it. the lady who ran the group wrote out a little birth certificate for us so we would have something tangible to validate our loss and asked me if i had any strong feelings as to whether it was a boy or a girl and i really felt it was a girl. she then asked me to give her a name so i chose Hope so we would have the hope to go on and try again for another baby. she gave me a pink knit hat and a little lapel pin in the shape of baby feet. when i finally did get pregnant again 4 years later i wore the little feet lapel pin my entire pregnancy. i have a beautiful son who is almost 8 now and the love of my life. if i may. i would like to share a poem with you that i wrote when we lost our baby: There's nothing left of you except what's in our hearts You left while I was sleeping and now we are apart i never got to hold you or read a bedtime story and for that I will forever be sorry Someday we'll be together and I'll know you right away but I'll miss you and grieve for you until that one sweet day you have to give yourself time to grieve as this is a real loss. my love and best wishes to you.
1 person likes this
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
2 Nov 08
i am so glad i could offer you some comfort. if you need me i am here.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
Your right that it is helpful to hear from people who have been through the exact same thing. I too felt that mine was a little girl. I had this idea that she was up in Heaven talking to my dad, who passed away last year. I just knew that he was telling her about her mommie. I called her my little jelly bean. She was somebody to me, and now she is gone. My husband is not as sensitive as yours was. You are very lucky that you had someone to grieve with you. I really appreciate the story of Hope. I think its beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
@MizzLadyB08 (1174)
• United States
3 Nov 08
I have neve had a miscarriage but I two of my cousins have had one. That is such a terrible to thing to happen to anyone and you should not blame yourself for it happening. All I will say to you is keep praying and try again later on down the line. I hope that you get better soon.
@glords (2614)
• United States
3 Nov 08
Thank you for the encouragement. I think we will have another baby when God is ready to give us one. Thanks for your words.
• United States
4 Nov 08
You are welcome
@gapeach65 (805)
• United States
2 Nov 08
a picture of my oldest and youngest child - a picture of my oldest and youngest child, at my daughter's wedding, maybe I'll be a grandma before too long!
I would like to offer my deepest sympathy to you and your husband for your loss. Yes, it is a loss, so many people, those of whom have never had a miscarriage and a few that have, don't think it's a big deal. I've had 2 miscarriages. My first one, I was 13 1/2 weeks along and on vacation when it happened, that was the longest week of my life, my husband (at the time, I have a new and better one know). refused to leave, I wasn't in any pain, other than emotionally hurting; just a little discomfort. After my first one, the doctor told me that I just needed to get over it, and he was very cold and uncaring. Needless to say, I changed doctors. With the second, I was only 5 weeks along, again not much pain, except emotional. My new doctor took me into his office to talk about it. He told me that I needed to grieve the loss of my unborn child, and that it was not my fault. He said that a miscarriage is our body's way of saying there was a problem with the fetus. It made it so much easier to get through that one. About 2 years later, I divorced that husband, got married again and my new husband and I have a 10 year old son, I also have a 23 year old daughter, a 20 yr old son, and a 19 year old step daughter, so my cup runneth over, I still can't wait to see my unborn children in heaven, I feel as though my parents are with them though. If you think you are getting too deep into a depression, please talk to your doctor about it, sometimes just talking to a professional helps. We're all here for you also! You'll be in my thoughts.
• United States
3 Nov 08
I'm glad I was able to give you a little comfort, remember, I'm here if you need to talk.
@glords (2614)
• United States
3 Nov 08
Thank you for your words of support. I wonder why its so hard for men to understand the pain of a miscarriage. I too wonder why my husband is not as upset as I am. I really appreciate what you said about your parents watching over your unborn children. Thinking of my dad up there watching over mine, is really comforting. Thank you.
@gemini_rose (16264)
2 Nov 08
I have had 3 miscarriages, all very early in the pregnancies. I was never affected in the way some ladies are, with all the depression, sadness and blaming myself simply because I listened to what the doctors told me, and that was that a pregnancy under 7 weeks is not actually a formed baby it is still in egg form and is not classed as viable until after 7 or 8 weeks. My friend had a scan when she was 8 weeks pregnant and all they could see was an egg, no baby and she miscarried too the egg had not been fertilised so although she was showing pregnant it was not a proper pregnancy. That early on is pretty common and a lot of people do not even know that they were even pregnant, the doctor is right it is not your fault and you will go on to have another baby so please try not to let this upset you so much. I have four kids so there is your proof that life does go on after miscarriage. Take care of yourself.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
Thank you. That is really encouraging. It really did make me question my ability to have babies. How long after your miscarriages were you able to start trying for a baby again?
@gemini_rose (16264)
2 Nov 08
Well your doctor should have told you this, I was told to leave it until I had either had one or two proper periods. You need to give your body time to regulate and recover and get back to normal. It also depends on whether you miscarried on your own or had to have help. I had to have help with mine so I waited about two months, but do not rush into it and also sometimes after a miscarriage it can take time to get caught again, it took me a good six months to before I was pregnant again.
• United States
4 Nov 08
I'm so sorry for your loss, I know you've probably heard those words at least a million times already, but I honestly cannot imagine the pain of losing a baby. When I was 6 weeks pregnant with my daughter we we're so scared that we were gonna lose her because I was losing so much blood during that week and I went to the hospital and they told me that the baby was OK. But I was losing so much weight because the nausea and vomiting was so bad I couldn't keep nothing down. I have to say that was the most frightening time of my life. I think that it's normal to feel depressed after losing a baby. I would probably lose my mind.
@glords (2614)
• United States
7 Nov 08
Im so sorry that you had to suffer so much with your daughter. It is so scary when you are bleeding during a pregnancy. The hardest part is waiting to find out if everything is okay. I just wish that my baby could have been alright as well. Oh well I guess its all God's plan. Thank you for your compassion. I appreciate your words.
@impexp (246)
• China
2 Nov 08
I'm sorry for you,but dont think too much of it.Once I had a miscarriage and the doctor said it might be a selection of your body who feels the zygote is not in good quality.Remember it's not your fault cause so many unexpected matters combined in our life.Let it go and cheer up, you would be a great mother in the future. I suggest that you could be pregnant after 6 months as your body needs time to recover. Now you need a good rest,take care!
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
That seems like so long to wait being as I was wanting one in 8 months, but I know you are right. Thanks for the advice. I'll try to be patient.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
That seems like so long to wait being as I was wanting one in 8 months, but I know you are right. Thanks for the advice. I'll try to be patient.
• United States
3 Nov 08
No, but many women in my family have, and they have all told me how painful it was. It through them into a deep depression. It is not your fault if you have one, it is just the way that your body is. Sometimes, it is harder for some women to carry children. I know that I might not be able to carry children. That is the way life is. Some women are lucky, and some are not.
@glords (2614)
• United States
3 Nov 08
That is true, luckily for me, my husband is open minded about adoption. I think we will try again, but if its not meant to be Im sure we will find a baby out there who would like our love.
@AmbiePam (94094)
• United States
2 Nov 08
I am so sorry. I don't think it would be unusual at all if you did get counseling. I think a lot of women would benefit from counseling after something so traumatic, but maybe they just think they can do without it, or they might worry what people might think. Because it isn't your fault. A young woman in my church had a miscarriage two weeks ago. She has PCOS and didn't know it. They found out that is why she the miscarriage. She may be able to have another child, but she too felt like it was her fault. I will be praying for you and your family.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
Thanks AmbiePam... you are such a good cyber friend. Hope all is well with you. I appreciate your prayers and thoughts.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
3 Nov 08
I had a miscarriage back in December 2005. Like you, I was only a few weeks along, but it still very hard to deal with. Although I hadn't bought any baby things, I had been looking. And I had several names written down. I guess you could say I was very excited about having another baby (this would have been my 3rd). It took me a long time to get over it. But eventually the pain lessens, although it may never go away completely. I'm sorry you had to go through this...
@glords (2614)
• United States
3 Nov 08
My miscarriage would have been my second child... I was really excited to have a sibling for my son, and a new little son/daughter in the family. When my first baby was born, my father was dying. It was hard to focus on the baby. I was looking forward to a pregnancy where I could happily plan for a new addition without any extra worries on my plate. I appreciate your words and feel comfort in knowing I am not alone. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Who knows why plans miscarry. When its a baby, it is even worse. There are reasons which are certainly hidden from us. I would think it is a good thing because it has happened and hopefully there will no longer be any reason for any more miscarriages.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
I know you are right... but for some reason my heart just cant get the picture. Thank you for your words.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
2 Nov 08
I am sorry for your loss. My sister and I have both suffered miscarriages. They are not easy. It is a very emotional time. It is not your fault. They say that almost all women will have miscarried in their lifetimes and just won't know it. What that means is, it is not your fault. You will have your baby. My sister and I have 4 children each now. Just relax and let things happen naturally. Allow yourself to grieve.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
wow, four each. what a wonderful blessing. thank you for your words.
• United States
3 Nov 08
i am so sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage. it is not your fault, i believe that everything that happens is the work of the lord. and he wouldnt do anything unto you without there being a reason. dont blame yourself, you had nothing to do with what happened and you shouldnt beat yourself up about it.
@glords (2614)
• United States
3 Nov 08
The Lord sure has been putting me through the fire lately. I guess he must have big plans in store. Thanks for your words of encouragement.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
3 Nov 08
I'm sorry for your loss, glords. These emotions come with dealing with such a loss. I don't really know how to advise you on this one as I've never been in a situation or know someone who has but yes, the doctor is right. It is not your fault and I hope you always remember that. I hope you and your husband know that you have each other and your friends and family who are also there to support you whenever you need them. Take care and stay strong.
@glords (2614)
• United States
3 Nov 08
Thank you SaintAnne, I really appreciate your support. You are a good cyber friend.
• United States
2 Nov 08
I am really sorry this happened. I know people who have gone through this, but I haven't. I remember when I first got pregnant 19 years ago, the Doc said it was early and anything could still happen and to just go normally about my business that he did not see any problems and that if a miscarriage should happen it simply meant the pregnancy didn't take properly and I thought about his words and realized that I already loved the little baby and wanted it very badly so I know you hurt for your loss, but it is not your fault or anyones. Happy thought don't come easily in times like this, feel what you feel and accept your feelings. Do not feel bad for feeling bad, don't fight the feeling just know it is how it is right now and pray for peace on this and everything else that ever happens. Cyber hug sister and pamper yourself right now!
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
thank you for the cyber hug. I needed it today. God bless you...and thank you for your words of comfort.
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
2 Nov 08
I have had three miscarriages the last one was my most painful emotional because i felt it was meant to be. all happned about 6 weeks along. The only advice i can give you is to let time heal you. Go to counseling if you need to but be sure and find someone who will listen to you if you need to talk. Miscarriage is losing someone who you loved. You need to go through the grieving process to deal with it. I am sorry to hear of your loss, I wish you well in the future
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
That is exactly how it feels... and for some reason my husband doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I did love that pregnancy and the idea of a little baby. I just knew it was going to be a girl.
@yamskee (827)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
i think its normal. My mom had 3 miscarriages and out of 5 pregnancies, she only gave birth to 1 and that was me. you happen to lost your soon to be child in that incident so i guess you'll be extra careful the next time you get pregnant.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
Your poor mom has been through a lot. Thank goodness she has you! Thanks for posting.
@Shellyann36 (11384)
• United States
2 Nov 08
Yes, I have had a miscarriage. Mine happened in February of this year. I was six months pregnant when it happened. I was very depressed and I moped and cried for days on end afterwards. I did end up getting put on a depression medication because I was just not functioning. I would say, yes see your OB doctor and request an anti-depressant. They will be able to help you out. It happens and it is best not to blame yourself. I think you will get through it and you will actually learn from your experience. Good luck and if you need to chat just let me know.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it would have been if I'd had six months to grow with the baby. Thank you so much for your advice and your example. Thank you for sharing this. I will talk to my doctor about the anti-depressants. Thank you.
• India
2 Nov 08
m really sorry........ its unfortunate but be brave..........
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
thank you. I appreciate your words.
@nilugo (348)
• Singapore
2 Nov 08
That is unfortunate but don't give up. I am sure you will be successful the next time. It is not your fault or anyone elses -its sometimes happen without any reason. I have never had a miscarriage but I have been trying to have a baby for along time now and it is very frustrating and sad to find that every month that I am not pregnant. But I know, when the time is right, I will have a beautiful baby in my arms. So will you - so don't worry, go out and be with your friends and family. Take care.
@glords (2614)
• United States
2 Nov 08
Thanks for your words. You are right to trust that you will have a baby on God's time table. I appreciate that thought. Thank you.