Unconditional love and adoption

Your post really awakens many things in me lol if there was such option I would've given you the best response award. unfortunately my parents never could love me unconditionally but I learnt from that a lot.. I learnt how amazing it is to love someone REGARDLESS

I can't help wondering what she would do if she had given birth to this little girl. We have no guarntee that any baby will be perfect. All we can do is love then reguardless. Not all babies start talking at the same time. It doesn't mean that there is any thing wrong with her. This woman should not have adopted any more babies. Putting her in foster care isn't fair to the little girl. she should give her up for adoption and let the little girl have a family that loves her as she is. In my opinion the mosther is haveing more than post natal depression. Some kids just don't have much to say too. My son was one of those. He was a child of few words. I think your right in encouraging her to get professional help.

I believe in unconditional love. My Goldie taught me the meaning of that when she was put into my arms. It was instant love. Poor little three week old kitten needed me more than anything in the world. Goldie is smaller than most cats, not her fault, her mother rejected her because she knew she had problems. My Goldie seemed normal at first. She looked just like any other kitten, but when she got older, we could see that she was special. I love her no matter what and I fight for her all of the time because she is my girl. This child needs love more than anything right now. She cannot help that she was born in the condition that she was born in. The woman needs to understand that this innocent child is crying out for someone to love her. She did not ask for these problems, who would? Your friend chose to adopt this child, thus she chose to take on the responsibility. She may not be perfect, but then again, what child is? My mother had two children, my brother and I, and both of us had health problems. My brother had Type 1 Diabetes and I have Asthma, Allergies, a lot of skin conditions, PMS, and PMDD. My mother knew we would have problems, and that there was a chance that one of us, or both of us, could go before the age of 21, but she loved us no matter what. She took very good care of us. My boyfriend's mother has is worse. She has a 17-year-old daughter with Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome. She has the mind of a 1 and 1/2 year old, Epilepsy, Cerebral Palsy, Mental Retardation, you name it. My boyfriend's little sister is in horrible shape, but my boyfriend's mother loves her so much that she is willing to do anything to keep her and fight for her. My point is that children cannot be thrown away because they have problems. I do not know of any child that is perfect. You have to deal with the problems that you are given.

That you had to tell your friend to put the child's well fair over her own is the sign that she doesn't have unconditional love for her. I don't know how you can make a person love someone they don't. You have done all you can do. I hope she lets you adopt the little girl. I know it will be better for the child. You and your good wife can show her what unconditional love really is.

YEah, this is the 3rd post about the same thing.. There's nothing much u can do about it, because u are not her.. ANd how she feels, u wont be able to know it too.. BUt u see on the surface might not be true after all.. BEsides, she's the one whom has been spending all her time with her adopted daughter, and there are bound to have some bonding.. Just take her treatment, it's a very good example to show how much she really cares for her daughter.. ANd even though it's not a guranteed success, but still she's willin to try.. Just this alone is enough to prove that she really loves her..

you have given the best advice so far! i just have to tell you that you have no other means than to pray to God for assistance. god be with you all\!

This is the most outrageous thing i have ever heard. She needs to be benied the right to have children especially adoption. I have been adopted 6 times and in 5 foster homes and in a childrens home. Leaving that child in the system is only going to make her self destructive. She is going to feel like nobody can love her because she is no good. She does not learn love,respect,or any of the other things that she needs to learn to have a successful life. Slow speach,what is that compared to low self esteem, high self loathing, Some one needs to take this child away and give it a loving home. Build the childs self confidence Let her know that she is loved Let her feel love let her give love. These are all important things in life to be a well rounded adult. She needs toquit thinking about today but look at the big picture. I'm sorry but this drives me crazy. How can you not give a child a chance at a good life weather they are handicapped or not. Our children are our future. Children arn't given a manual on how to survive. Thats what parents are for is to teach them respect,love,and how to make the most of what they have to work with.

i think u have done all u can do. it's going tohave tobe her decision & she will have t live w/it no matter what she chooses to do.

She can't have post natal if she adopted. She's just a big baby why thinks she is entitled to perfection and is upset when things didn't go as planned. Whether you adopt or grow your own there is no guarantee of a perfect child. If I was her social worker I would take the kid away from her and place, sever all parental rights, and place the child with a new family who could love her as she is. If she puts her in foster care and takes her back if she improves, what to stop her from not wanting the kid later if something else happens and the kid is permanently injured?

Hi ya ronaldinu Your collegue is making me really angry!! . This is a poor child with learning difficulties can't your collegue stop thinking about herself for one minute. How can she just pass the child to someone else to look after and when they have put in all the hard work looking after the child, helping her to improve, she'll have her back! I think this is disgraceful. She treating the child as if she is a puppy or something, giving her to someone until she is house trained or something and having her back when the hard work has been done. As you well know kids are hard work and obviously more so with learning difficulties but I really do feel so sad for this poor little girl. It worries me that she is not being treated correctly too.

You can not do anything else, you have open your heart and your home to fostering this child, it is now out of your hands. I really don't understand your colleague, why does she think that she can give the child up just to see if she is perfect or not? That is unheard of. If the child is perfect I will take her if she isn't then I will not. Will she be able to do this? I just don't understand. Maybe I just better leave this alone. Keep us informed on the child's wefare.

That is the saddest story. My son also has speech delays and other developmental delays. We have obtained a speech therapist, a physical therapist, a vocational therapist, and a general therapist to help him catch up. In the meantime we are in and out of the hospital running tests. No matter what I can't imagine not loving my son. He is my angel baby. He is so innocent and perfect. He is my happy thought. Though putting him through these tests hurts me, and the worry is great I wouldn't trade one piece of this worry and trouble for a life without my boy. I think you are a wonderful person to offer to take on the responsibility of your friend. Its too bad that they didn't find that little girl a better parent. Perhaps its better for your friend to give the child up for adoption. It sounds like she does not have the strength to parent a child.

Thanks for re-visiting this subject. I've been wondering how it was going. It doesn't sound like your friend is improving with support from her friends. Is there a child welfare organization there? Start with them, letting them know what is happening and your concerns. They would investigate, in fact it could be made to look like it is a follow-up to the adoption. If the agency removes the child from the family (either permanently or temporarily while mom is getting help), you can then talk to them about taking the child it. I still maintain the child is at risk. The "I'll love you if you're prefect" environment is child abuse too.

I could cry for that child,but I can understand the mother to a certain degree, when he have our babies we want them perfect, but due to maternal love and instinct we stick up for the child and fight for every help we can get. Not having that instinct or natural maternal feelings must be awful, but you cannot give back a child that is not perfect,She is your mate and she does need help. she will do something that she really regrets, she is not in her right mind at the moment, I think it would be a good idea to have the child yourself on a friendly arrangement to give her a rest, once the child has left her care for a few days I bet she misses it like mad .My son had slow speech and he has just taken another load of gcse's and he is only fifteen and we have had to sort out his Alevels ,slow start , fast finish,it sounds like she has had a rough time and it is taking its toll on her,poor thing.I really hope things turn out ok and she does not do anything without thinking first as she will regret it.xx

I believe in it also. Maybe because some resent that they missed out on alot of their life by having children to soon or they are bitter about other stuff and it effects how they are emotionally equipped to respond to love. Seems she wants the perfect child almost and don't want to settle for less. That can be a little cold hearted to some and can be stressful on her if she wants bu does not have the perfect child. Atleast with you fostering the child I am sure you would love it and cherish the child..I feel your friend is bitter about the child maybe because it is not something that can be fixed with the wave of a hand. Have you thought the child might have a small degree of autism? My nephew doesn't mumble but a few words as well and he is soon to be six in February. I think your friend needs ot see a counselor or therapists for her depression she might have.

Hey r, Well,I think you've offered the best possible solution for your friend by offering to foster the child for her-if she can't handle a child w/ disabilities she needs to place that child w/ someone who can otherwise I feel it'll hurt the child in the long run (eg:seeing her mother stressed out).

ugh.. you can only be there for her and watch her like a hawk.. if she seems like she gets even more abusive i would have child protective services on speed dial.. the only thing is i worry that the foster home may be worse but i dunno how the laws are where you are but they might not give you first dibs in taking care of her if you have contact with her mother and they can prove some kind of abuse (if it escalates since you dont seem to be mentioning anything but emotional which of course is impossible to prove unfortunately)

Hi ronaldinu, I think you friend is highly strung and don't know what she wants, this poor child is not a toy to be mended and taken back and if it cannot be mended give it someone else, that is so bad, if I were you I will keep her and adopted her myself, the poor little thing. Tamara

Well I think I have read that post but I don't know if I had responded as still now I don't know how to react. I am a mother of three kids and I know how much it is to have a kid, you think that you are very lucky to deliver one and love them as much as they do. but even though I love my kids that much there are really times that I felt they are pain in the head, specially when they get really naughty, so I guess it is natural that sometimes we don't like our kids, and I think if I can feel it to my kids, what more to an adopted one, I don't feel for your friend but in a way I can understand where she is coming from, but what I don't get about it is the idea that if the kid get well she will take it back, she really is crazy!

I feel very sad for the little girl. The parents are thinking of leaving the child if the child does not show improvement in the problem. I feel this is inhuman. But I want to ask them had this child been their own biological child, would they ever thought of doing the same? I feel they should learn something from Sushmita Sen an indian actress, former miss universe and a single mother who has adopted a girl with an ailment, got her cured with the best medical service available and that's all. Both mother and child are happy. I also feel speech problem is not a major health problem. Today with good and timely medical attention and some speech therapy the problem can be overcomed. Who knows this girl may become star tomorrow. i hope the parents will think positively in the interest of their adopted daughter.