Medications are so contraining, and scary

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Probably be hitting myself in the head for this later but heck shared everything else with my fellow mylotters mys well spill these beans. Im Bipolar, have to take Lithium everyday otherwise I become a mad scientist mixed with chicken with head cut off, doesn't make sense but just be happy you do not have to experience it--and mad love for those who do. It sucks, and in fact, its rather scary relying on a medication. Im 27 and I went until I was 26 avoiding it and its not a good story to tell because theres many questions of what if. This discussion is to hear from others who have to rely on medication and how it constrains you. Im scared to death of losing my medical insurance and not being able to have it or even having to settle for the generic which leaves me in hives. The racing thoughts can be so spectacular but what use are they if you can not put them to good use. Its hard to keep at the task at hand and you feel alienated as a person. Let me tell you, I would give ANY-THING to be a normal neurologically functioning person but that was not in my cards and I have to l-i-v-e with it and that was hard to swallow for the longest time. Still the scariest part has to be not having my medication. I love to learn and nobody except my mom and one closest friend knows about my condition and you probably would of never guessed if you bumped into me on the street because I can talk about current events with you no problem. Heck, its the imfamous skeleton in a closet. Oh, I did tell one other friend who is a evangelical and she completely bolted in the other direction so I made up some story that I miraculously came off my meds--"Thank God!". Talk about demonization. My mom knows but she is also a evangelical so while she will listen to what I have to say she rarely comments about it and would rather change the subject. But people do still have to live with meds.