Do you use tough love?

Tough love is only on solution, it might work sometimes but not all the time. I do not follow Dr Phil, I think that sometimes, and because he has a show, some of his ideas are for ratings.

Yes I sometimes do, especially if it's something seroius that needs to be done. I'm pretty laid back and go with the flow and my boys always have their friends over at our house. All the kids like to come here and they hardly go to their houses, just sometimes, it's ok I enjoy seeing them play and have fun and at least they aren't out running the streets but sometimes they think of me as a friend and don't always want to listen so sometimes even with their friends I have to put my foot down alittle harder then normal. But it all works out and they always come back to play again!

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. A slap on the wrist does not harm anybody. Sometimes it makes more harm when you are lenient with someone. © ronaldinu 2008

I am a believer of tough love, but of course there should always be a heart too. Different people have different ways to express love or understand love, it's quite difficult to assume that everyone deserves to be toughed out rather than to do the exact opposite. I have a brother who, for so many years, my parents would always 'baby', well surely he's quite insecure about himself and couldn't stand his ground. Then they started being tough on him, of course he wasn't used to it, thus made him more insecure. Now, they don't know what to do. Then they approached a psychiatrist and she told them to just ignore his whines, and actually it had good effects. On the other hand, we have a family friend who's a military guy, thus, he raised his kids (or family) using an iron fist. He was tough all the time. He told my father, that regardless how you tough it out with someone, in the long run you can never force someone to do everything you want. His son now hasn't finished school and doesn't seem to care about anything at all. So, I think it should be a healthy mix of everything. By how much? Well, I don't know, there's no perfect formula to love. No one could ever know, but only through trial-and-error. It's tough but as they say, Different Strokes for Different Folks.

Tough love is nothing new, it was emerging in the early 70's in response to kids smoking pot! Pot was considered the scourge of society and alarmed all the adults because they were quite sure that the next step was heroin addiction! And often, sadly, it was. Anyway, that's where tough love came from. Your dog wants you to be the boss, so it's okay. Just remember--if you punish a dog for something you have found just now but he did it 15 or more minutes ago, he'll have no idea why you're punishing him. Even if you show it to him. You much catch him in the act. You can clean up the old mess and say that someone did a bad thing and he might eventually connect that mess with his actions if you can never catch him as he does it. Treat your dog like an 18 month old child and you'll both be happy.

Also, it is a terrible idea to be your child's best friend. They will take total advantage of you. If you do this, STOP IT! I tried tough love on my 2 older children, sometimes it works, sometimes it backfires on you.

Yes. I hate to do that but sometimes it has to be done. I do it alot with my teenage daughter.

yes I believe that tough love is really meant to help them, but not many accepts this. My sister in law did not accept this idea and now my relationship with my brother is not too good. (at the time this happen, she was my SOON to be S-I-L, but now they are married)

I think there are times when tough love is called for and times when it is not. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them, they don't really want any advice. They just need someone to listen to and a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes that can just do a world of good. There are other people who ever who dwell on bad things, or won't let go of the past, or keep themselves down, these kind of people need the tough love. Sometimes people just need to be told they are only hurting themselves, and they need to wake up and straighten up and quite dragging their selves down. Sometimes people just need to be told, it is really bad what happened to you, but now it is time to knock off the self pitty and get on with your life.

tough love works. Some people need it in order to become better persons.

I've used the tough love approach with my son a few times. The first was when he dropped out of high school and thought he could lay around on his @ss while I supported him. I gave him a month to get back to school or get a job, or get out. He was shown the door when a month later he hadn't done either. After a month out on his own trying to get friends to support him he grew up, asked if he could come home and got a job. He eventually went on to get his GED. I also had to use this last week even though he is 27. You see he is suffering from depression but wouldn't get help. He called almost every night and wanted to rehash his divorce and his problems over and over and over. I kept giving him advice on how to change his life and get back on track and he wasn't listening. So finally I told him - Son, no one can change your life but you. I can listen, I can love you, I can give you advice, but only you can take it. He saw a doctor a few days later and is now on medications for his depression.

Hi Sheepie, Oh yes, I have tried that on my tom cat, but it didn't work. Yes I have done to my friend and she thought I was bieng too harsh but in the end she knew I was right, I was trying shake her to her senses, because I do care for her so much and I didn't want her to get hurt. Tamara

Well, You are right. Sometimes you have to use tough love. Kids are a little different than dogs, but it is the same concept. I love all my kids, and sometimes I have to set my foot down and not go back on it at all. Even if I want to. Dr. Phil has said a lot of interesting things. He has valid points and a few quaky ones. I do like to listen to himn though. I think it is the same as anyone else. You can pick and choose your advice from him. What works for you. OK Sheepie, you have a good basis for when you decide to have kids. Keep up the good work.And yes, sometimes you have to use this advice with friends too.

Somtimes tough love is what is needed, but it must be used correcty. you do not want to go over board or use it for trivial matters. Neighbors of mine let their son get away with being a lazy kid for a long time. Example, I gave him a car when he turned 16. The car was used and had a lot of miles but ran well. The deal was he got the car but would mow my lawn for the summer. On Saturday I heard a lawn mower going and thought good he is mowing the lawn. I went out side and his dad was mowing my lawn with his riding lawn mower. I asked him why his son was not mowing the lawn, he said he is still in bed and he is not allowed to use the riding lawn mower. I said riding lawn mower hell, I have a push mower he can use and I have a big stick you can use to beat him with if you need it. He laughed but just went on mowing the lawn. I never said anything else about it and his son never did mow the lawn, not even once that summer. Two years later I noticed that I had not seen the son around for a while, the dad told me he was in the county jail. He said he and his wife had him arrested and were pressing charges against him for stealing money from them. The son had taken a check from there check book and cashed it. They all of a sudden decided to use tough love and pressed charges against him. The son was convicted and received two years in prision. He got in trouble several more times after that and did more time. This is an example of using tough love inappopriatey, the parents did nothing to discipline or teach the boy when he was little, then they went overboard and pushed things to far at the wong time and in the wrong way. Use tough love, but make sue you do correctly, check with an expert on child development and counseling if in doubt. Someone like you minister or priest may be-able to help you decide what is appropriate.

I agree that tough love is neccessary at times. If you hold someone's hand the whole way, they won't want to step up and do the right thing for themselves. Sometimes you have to let them go and leave them to fend for themselves or they won't toughen up. I had to do something like this a couple of months ago. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years. It hurt, but it was something that needed to be done. Now things have gotten significantly better, and we are back together again. Have a nice day!