How do you feel about single moms...
By Lexus656
@Lexus656 (672)
United States
November 5, 2008 10:28am CST
This is something that I have been struggling with since I am a single mom I have seen some pretty hateful things said about us. I have heard that we are only looking for men to play daddy for our kids, that we live off welfare and will never make it anywhere, that our kids eill end up in jail and never make anything of themselves, the list goes on. I get so aggrivated because there are reasons why some of us are single and it's not that we went and had a one night stand and got pregnant. it's more like we were in abusive relationships and were lucky enough to make it out alive, or our signifiant other were in with a really abd crowd and we were scared how it would affect our kids, some women were raped and choose to keep the child. There are just so many reasons. I'm tired of hearing why couldnt you keep your legs closed, or other terms of wordings that insinuate we are certains things. Its ridiculous! I was in a relationship for five years and I left when I found out I was pregnant I had to it was a very abusive relationship and I have no choice if I wanted my child to live a good life. He was wrapped up in drugs and gangs and so much more. I don't understand how people can bad mouth me when I work 2 jobs and go to school full time and im rasing a son on my OWN. I don't get help but still barely make ends meet. so when you see a single mom how are you going to look at her?
2 people like this
8 responses
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
6 Nov 08
People made my life a complete and utter misery when I was a single parent with my first born. I moved to the current area I am in when he was just a couple of months old and people judged me. They made rude comments and I was even attacked in a public place by an older woman. The road I lived on was full of people who believed I was a lazy useless woman that had just had a child to get what I could in benefits, truth was I was working 12 hours a day to keep a roof over our heads. Without a doubt those years were some of the hardest in my life.
There are some young girls I know of that get pregnant simply because they know that the council will house them and the government will pay their bills and give them money. They seem to think it is glamourous to have a baby but there are so many single mums out there that suffer horribly as a result of judgements from others, even in todays age they are still looked down on and yet they are some of the nicest hardest working people I know. I would never look down on or judge a single mum, I would take my hat off to her (if I wore one that is) and tell her she does a fantastic job and to keep it up and ignore the small minded ones that have not got a clue, simply because I have been there.
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
6 Nov 08
It's nice to know that there's someone out there that I can relate to. I just get tired of hearing the crap people talk. I know that I am doing the best I can and I know that I have made the right choices by keeping my son and loving and caring for him unconditionally. So If I know that I am right in what I am doing why does it make me so mad to deal with people like this? I mean I get to the point where my face starts turning red and hot and I just get down right mad! The funny thing is that more men then women have approached me about being a single mom and to a few of them I just out right said that if it wasn't for their kind I wouldn't be in this situation. Being a single mom our super powers only cover so much ground and men don't seem to be able to grasp what is going on in our situation. I guess I will have to work on my anger and not let any of these crazy men get to me.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
6 Nov 08
Letting people get to you achieves one thing, nothing. I let people get to me so much that it came to the point that I would not leave the house. I eventually realised that this is exactly the reaction people wanted and were expecting me. I went the opposite, I held my head up high and just went out and made my presence felt, instead of letting the comments upset me I agreed with them, I laughed at them. I felt a lot better, less angry. You are better than any of them and never forget it.
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I just don't understand why it bothers me so bad. I mean really im not one of those women who got pregnant from a one night stand and i dont go and get help from the government so I should be proud of who i am and not what people think about me. Thanks for your sweet comments they have helped me see another way around peoples ignorance.
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
6 Nov 08
Can I just give you a ((((((hug))))) and say......... IGNORANCE and lack of heart, that is what the people who say those things to you and others are suffering from. And very often close-mindedness too which makes it almost impossible for them to ever recover from what ails them.
I'm sorry for how much it must heart to hear those things.
Hugs.
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Aww thanks for the hugs! I just don't understand how people can be soo cold it makes no sense I would do anything and everything for anyone that I can. When I was 6 months pregnant I took my sons father back and got an apartment since he said that he wanted to be in the babies life and 2 days later he asked me if a friend could move in and i said yea well come to find out she was 17 and pregnant. I took her under my wing and did all that i could for her befor I found out that her and tony my sons father had been doing the unthinkable while i was at work. So I guess I can be a little skeptical of people now but never hateful and hurtful.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
Hi there Lexus656!
I have several friends who are single moms. I salute all of them. Despite their situation, they are able to give their children a decent life. They do their very best to give all the best for their children. Most of them spend their time taking care of their children and their future rather than spending so much time looking for a partner who would help them with their duties and responsibilities and obligations. While it is true that they made wrong decisions in the past that brought them into where they are now, they are trying to make up for that by being the best mom they can be to their children. With that, I salute them!
@adeeb747 (100)
•
6 Nov 08
god gave us mom and dad
so git dad to be next to you alone is not god willing
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
6 Nov 08
To be honest with you I am a chrisitian and I DO NOT think god would have wanted me to stay in an abusive relationship where my son and my own well being were at risk. God strategically places things and people in our lives and gives us trials and tribulations but nothing that we can't overcome. He is the master and he knows what he is doing. I had a hard time with this and it looks like you do to. God doesn't love me any less because I am a single mom and believe it or not I think he had a part in it. I had been away from him for so long and I think he wanted me to hit rock bottom and see that Tony was not right for me. I prayed about it alot befor I got up the courage to leave and god was right behind me one hundred percent. I don't know how you can say that I am wrong because of what I did. what kind of loving god would want a woman to stay with a man that beats here everynight.....I'm not sure we're talking about the same man.
@zhengyu (61)
• China
7 Nov 08
I know being a mother is not easy even though I'm only a man , but I have mother too.
From a kid to a 20-year old boy , my mother sacrificed her beauty and most of her time for a healthy and happy son (me). I respect her very much , I love her .
You're also a responsible mother . I'm always on your side .
Come on , mother !
@Lexus656 (672)
• United States
10 Nov 08
thanks that meant alot to me! I do sacrifice myself for him. I was sitting down talking to my cousing yesterday and she was complaining about having nothing to wear in a closet filled to the brim with clothes. I just looked at her and smiled I don't even have winter clothes so hopfully it wont get to cold this year. I am not concerened about myself though that kinda stuff no longer matters to me its my son that is most important and as long as he has what he needs then I don't mind going without.
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
18 Nov 08
My mom was a single mother and granted she did make a lot of bad choices and that's how she ended up with me, I do know that she did work hard to provide for me to make sure that I was able to go to school clothed and well fed. She did make sure that I was cared for and was still treated pretty bad by many of the people I went to school with. The nurses at the hospital where I was born even treated her differently because she was a single mother and I don't think that's right.
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I'm sorry that some people look at you this way.
I'm not a single mom, but my mom was. My parents divorced when my sister and I were 10 and 12 years old. I don't know if anyone ever saw my mom like you are saying some see single moms nowadays, but that would have been awful if they did. She was very loyal to my dad and loved him very much. They were married a total of 20 years and it all ended because my dad was having an affair.
By no means was my mom lazy. Heck at 67 years old she is still working! And she never once got public assistance (not that there is anything wrong with that).
I absolutely hate it when people stereo type because of one persons situation. It isn't fair to others out there that are trying to do the best they can.
