The nerve of some people!

I know it sucks. My sons father had never seen him and he's almost two. After 5 yrs of being engaged I left him and then took him back when I was 6 months pregnant. we got into a fight and i ended up in pre-term labor and in the hospital having an emergency c-section and he never showed up. He called to tell me that he left with a 17 yr old who was pregnant by another guy but thats all that I got. And to this day he hasn't sent one dime, he hasn't called to check on our son or aything and if he does I am going to tell him that Gradyn has a daddy and it wasn't him.

No you are not being harsh. You give you X many a chance to see his son. He did not take his chance before. It is his tough luck now. He is just making it hard on your son too, just turning up when it suits him. Ask your son how he feels about it. I bet he does not want to go because the last time his new wife was nasty to him. Yeah my sister in law had the same problem, she always said her X would come back when her son was old enough to kick a ball. She was right too. She said her X could see her son every weekend, but he never showed up and he let his son down. She will not let him see him now as he probably will not show anyway. It is a tricky situation for you and your son to be in though. I wish you the best.

I would feel pretty much the same way. I think he'd have to do alot of proving himself before I'd hand over my kid ever other weekend. He hasn't spent time with your son for over 1/2 his life. Pretty ballsy if you ask me.

My son father's basically was the same way. My son is older than yours. His father showed up for his eighth grade graduation, and my son didn't hear from him for four years. Then the father had the nerve to so call get hurt because he was not invited to his high school graduation. We have always lived in the same place, so there was no reason for him not to get in touch. Plus, my son did not like his girlfriend, because she was bossy, and thought she could tell my son what to do and not to do. I wouldn't want my son around him and the new wife if I were you. There must be a selfish reason why he wants to see your son now, and I wouldn't be a part of it.

You are not being harsh at all. "Way to go" for standing up for your child. I went through the same thing with my sons dad and it is not easy. My son is 15 and he hasn't seen his dad since he was 6. I would never send my son to see him because he is basically a stranger to him. My son knows he can call him and see him supervised if he so chooses. He is choosing not to and that's fine by me. When the day comes and he wants to I will support it and be there for him. If he came home crying I would be livid. Some people are just not meant to be parents. Your child comes first and I'm happy to hear you are standing up for him and not forcing him to go. To many parents are glad to get rid of their kids every other weekend. I don't understand that and I'm glad I didn't have to go through it. I hope things work out for you and your son. Good luck with this situation.

You re doing the right hting. Looking out for the well-being of your child. My little one's donor hasn't seen them in over 4 years. His choice, not mine. He just doesn't care. Not eve a call to ask about them. I know that if he even thought about trying to see them now, the fight would be on. There is absolutely no way I would let him take my kids anywhere, not even for an hour. I went through a similar thing with my oldest. He has a different father than the other two. His father went a couple of years without seeing him, but mostly because of the courts. When it came ime for me to go back to court, he came to me and asked me what it would take for me to let him see my son. I told him that he could see him only if that was what my son wanted, and I would be there during their visits until both my son and I felt comfortable enough to let him begin visits without me there. He is still only partially in my son's life though. Just a couple of months after he began seeing my son again, he ended up moving out of state. He was only a few hours aay though, and made no effort to see my son, excpet one time. After 4 years, I moved, of course, my kids did too. I hae been sure to give this man our address and phone number and even told him he is more that welcome to call as often as he wants, just not after a certain hour. At first, he calles every week, now, he may call once every few months. As a matter of fact, the last time my son had contact was in July. As a mother, I feel that it is important to give a child security and normalcy. I would rather my kids not even know that those men exist than to be depressed because they are treated poorly.

Wow. I think it is good that you are standing up for your son. It would not be good for a child to be with someone who felt that they could just pop into and out of a child's life like that.

I'm sorry your son had not seen his father in so long perhaps his father is sorry too. Maybe he is trying to make up for it now. However asking to take your son for the weekend when he has not seen the boy in a long time is rash. Perhaps you can agree to start visitation in public places. Like the mall or an ice cream shop were nothing can happen easily. Give your son a cell phone and make sure he knows to call you if anything goes wrong that is what i would do in you situation.

No, you're not being harsh. Your son is not some toy he could just get whenever he feels like it, he's a human being capable of getting hurt. Plus, who is he to do that to your son when he can't defend him from his new wife?! I'd never want that to happen to my son. If I ever knew that b!tch did that to him, I'd go to their house and wreck havoc on them! The nerve of that guy! Whew! My question now is, Does your son still want to meet his dad? I mean, it's your son's decision now. It's too harsh I guess to cut of communication with his father if your son would still love to and forgave him.

I wouldn't say anything directly about it to him. Sometimes there are things which can be twisted one way or another by someone trying to avoid child support. However, that he has some rights if he cares to pursue them. This does not deny him the right to see his child, but makes him pony up with a specific date and time. You can also ask what he plans on doing at that time and if he'll have any back child support which he might owe you at the time. Alternately, you could suggest that you need something else done, too. Finally, I would tell him that you have no intentions of telling your son of his trip until it is finalized. A kid who hears his father is going to come by and gets stood up can be heartbreaking. If you are lucky, the "father" has no real intention of seeing his kid. I would see if there is anything you can do.. as he hasn't used his visitation in so long.. to get the visitation rights removed and still leave him needing to pay child support.

I would definitly feel the same way. My oldest son's father has never been in his life, and I don't know him very well at all anymore. If he called out of the blue and wanted to take my son I'd forbid it unless I was there as well. You can't trust someone you don't know anymore.

How can yu even think of sending your son to yor husband when he has not bea a good father to him? He is not keen to see his son too it appears. If he gets a chldl through his second wife, he will forget about your son I am sure. I am sure your son too woudl not like to go to his dad after way his second wife treated him. Children are very sensitive.

Hi Lilybug, I am so sorry that you and your son have this problem. He probably just ook hi son to meet the new wife - this was showing that he was a good dad to him. I'm sorry for for him as he will never have respect or love from your son. I cannot belioeve the actions of his new wife. How could she say that to a four year old! This was disgusting. No, he doesn't want your son in his life. He has not earned the right to be loved by your son. Don't beat up on yourself. You are not being harsh. I am the softest person you could ever meet but if someone attacks my children or grandchildren then I change into a pitbull! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving my friend and forget at least for the day, that moron

You are completely in the right to be upset. My daughter is only 2 and her biological father said that he didn't want her this Thanksgiving. He's suing me for full-custody and my lawyer says this isn't going to look good for his case. My daughter has never known us to be together because when I was 3 months pregnant, I found out he was still married AND seeing another woman (which is why his wife kicked him out) so my daughter and I have been alone together since the beginning. We have court-orded visitation for every-other weekend but holidays are kind of vague. Since he's stopped paying child support (not court ordered, he just stopped), I guess he thinks that means he can stop her visitation too. I don't think she really knows who he is anyway so if he cuts-out early enough, maybe I won't have to worry about it.... ....but if he came back 8 years later and started requesting to take her again, I'd be upset too! Good luck, stay strong and... Happy MyLotting!

I think there are some people who just think about the own advantage,. relations do not matter to them. in this case your son's dad is not thinking about the kid for sure. rathe rhe wants to put blame on you

If he was any kind of dad he would have stood up for his son when his wife said such cruel things. I was be especially annoyed that he acted like he called you, when he didn't. I don't think you are being harsh at all. It's too bad he can't spend a small amount of time with his dad, but in front of you. Because it sounds like one can't trust him at all.

no you are not being harsh iam in a simiarly situation my son have not seen his dad in 8 years then he up,s and call after all this time want to play dad my son wants nothing to do with him at this point he can for get it and iam not going to make him go be with his dad.you may divorce but you don,t divorce your kids.i feel what you are saying don,t make him go be with him if he don,t want to. it him who cut the tied with his son.and his wife have no right to tell him she don,t want his child there if she love his dad she have to love his kids it,s a package deal.so she needs to get over it.

H[i]i lily, wow...what an immature lady to treat your son like that! ANyway, you are doing the right thing, I have no kids but if I am in the situation, I will not allow also anyone to inflict emotional pain to my child! He don't deserve to be with your son especially that he will only contact anytime he wants! What a nerve![/i]

I dont think you are being harsh. He was not there for your son when he was a baby so he has no right at all to complain or even demand to see his son every other weekend. If he was a responsible men he should be there for his son all the time and support the child financially too. If all this time you were the only one who shoulder all responsibility you have every right to be angry on him.

hi, lilybug. i would like to say that you must give the man a chance to prove that he could be a good father but i am worried about your son. it seems that the man is just causing havoc to your son's emotion. that may create insecurities in your son's mind :-( i do not think you are being harsh at all. i think you're just being a MOM. i would like to suggest that you should not allow your son to be alone with that man and the wife. i think that if he wants to spend time with him, he should do it under your nose first. i mean, if you'll allow it, the man must visit your son in YOUR house a number of times first. he must prove his good intentions first. if the man does not want to then sorry. a child needs stability. we cannot risk that on just somebody's whim. have a nice day. lilybug!