no commitments....
@kenchiprincess (5296)
Philippines
November 7, 2008 2:31am CST
being in a relationship without any promise of commitment and security is so tiring. letting someone keep my hopes and make me dance on the music that he/she plays is not a healthy at all. i believe that it is a selfish and immature act to keep someone floating and let one's hopes up for something that you yourself is confuse of would be so unfair to that person. no matter how mutual the feeling is without a promise of commitment at hand is not enough to open up yourself from hurt and pain.
being tagged along and put into a situation where you don't know exactly were you are at is not a good way to start a relationship. every relationship should be built in trust, but how can you trust someone who doesn't even know what he/she really wants for himself/herself.
just my two cents. how about you? would you allow your self being in this situation? as for me i would run away as fast as i could and lock my heart inside the box. LOL
3 people like this
12 responses
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
7 Nov 08
Oh that is awful. I don't want to engage in a relationship when there is no commitment. Well, it depends upon your age. If you are still young? that's fine with no commitment because on the way you might find the better one. ahahaha just kidding.. Well, true when you are in a serious relationship, you need a true commitment for sure. For me, I don;t want to be with a person who is not serious, which means no commitment at all.. Forger it..
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
that's true we all want to have a serious commitment when we get mature for we look for someone who we want to share our life with until we get old. thanks for the post friend.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
7 Nov 08
Actuallly , I have been in that situation with the same man off and on for many years. There was a time when I felt like you do and I put my foot down and he disappeared from my life for a couple of years. we dated others....always migrating back to each other either as just friends or lovers. I guess i've just reached a point in my life where not only am I ok with this arrangement....I really would not have it any other way. It certainly isn't the sort of relationship that is for everyone but for us it works. Love is complicated. I don't think love should hurt. If the arrangement bothers you then you aren't both on the same page and you either have to compromise or end it.
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
thanks for sharing your experience. it is good to hear that it worked for you and your partner. the important thing is that you are happy and you know what are the consequences of your actions and u took the risk. be happy always.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
7 Nov 08
how about you? would you allow your self being in this situation?
No I wouldnt but its not that I would leave the relationship, I wouldnt get into a relationship with osmeone like that to begin with OR if I did it would be a mutual thing..I dont give or expect commiment without knowing the score
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
if i am on that situation, i would run as fast as i could and lock my heart inside the box away from hurt and uncertainty. thanks for sharing your thoughts. have a great day and happy mylotting!!!
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
thanks for sharing your thoughts and the experiences of your friends. at time we need to protect our heart from possible hurt. why get into something when you are not sure of the intent of the other party. have a great day!!!
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
thanks for the post friend. have a great day!!!
1 person likes this
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
im glad i didnt experience being in a relationship without any commitment... that would be so hard... but if that were the case, i guess i have to ask my partner where our relationship is leading us... if my partner doesnt give me security maybe then we have to give up our relationship, it would be painful at first, but in time, the pain would heal...
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
i agree with you in that it may be painful but why risk to keep on hoping and investing to much emotions when you know you are just floating. thanks for the post!!!
1 person likes this
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
7 Nov 08
Yes, I agree with you. Why bother to be engaged in an uncertain relationship like this? It would only hurt my feelings then. If somebody is interested in me, I would make sure he state his original feelings towards me. I don't want to be a waiting puppy who obeys everything without any question.
I have the right to my own life, and I have the right to get the real love. I want my partner to be responsible. I want us to have a mutual relationship, that is marriage. Fortunate for me, now I am married so I don't have to worry about it anymore.
Just like you too, it's my two cents here. Thanks for your discussion.
1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
hi there ladysurvivor, thanks so much for sharing your too cents. i am glad that you have found your man who loved you and willing to share the rest of his life with you. have a great day and wish you happiness.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
7 Nov 08
kenchiprincess,
I always tell my friends this advice, One cannot attempt to Love without risking being hurt. Like two sides of a coin, it is just part of the deal as you accept Love into your life. When you open the floodgates, you will take in all things, both good and bad.
If you are weary about the other party's intention, then you need to avoid taking haste and making irrational decision.
Hence, your next course of action would be to figure out if he is the right fit - at least a comfortable fit.
Halt that emotions for just a moment first - enjoy the platonic and casual friendship naturally, without placing yourself into some self-constructed commitment. Since you both are still within the 'friendship' zone, then behave and think likewise (albeit you probably will not be able to feel along this direction, but that's alright).
Be objective and open both your eyes to see just where this relationship is going to and as much as the other person is having a part and say, don't forget about yours as well. A relationship isn't a "You" and a "I" but it is a "WE". It takes 2 to clap and needs that mutual exclusivity. Needless, to say the need to build one's relationship foundation will have to face endless times of trials and challenges to weather the storms and perils of life. So, it is just natural for the both of you to face tough issues and times.
This course of action will allow the both of you the much needed time and space to let each other explore and express oneself. So, like they always say Less haste, less waste. For you need to know that as according to my inspirational William Shakespeare: for "All that glisters is not gold; Often have you heard that told” and a very wise quip from Tolstoy: “Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold.”
Take care and have a nice day.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
7 Nov 08
kenchiprincess,
Please do not mind my observation here. You seem to have already limited yourself with absolute possibilities - for the choice of one must be a sacrificial of another.
Why should that always be the case?
You know, in this post-modern society, we are so caught up in the concept of rationality that we literally engage this rational sense of ours in all aspects of our life and submerged ourselves in calculation of what's the most 'profitable choice' at the end of the day. Like the scenario you have presented: i believe that it is a selfish and immature act to keep someone floating and let one's hopes up for something that you yourself is confuse of would be so unfair to that person. no matter how mutual the feeling is without a promise of commitment at hand is not enough to open up yourself from hurt and pain.
Firstly, your future is not sacrificed even if you had fallen for this person and in love. This is already a gross mispresentation. It's not as if you are sentenced to 16 years jail during your prime years and screwed up your future in that sense.
The risk factor you have advocated is nothing but the existence of fear where Love absolutely cannot tolerate. Hence, it began to chip at your relationship until the cleft becomes a hole and before you realize it, you have lost the relationship to some self-generated fear, topple with adverse circumstances.
In Love, so what if the relationship fails? What's with this obsession with a failing relationship anyway? Have we become so rationalized with obtaining 'perfect scores' and 'good results' that we cannot have the imagination and higher understanding that there are times in love (and life) when we must fall in the beginning to win later?
Failure suggests growth and not degeneration - the latter often revealed an un-evolved soul.
The irony of Love is that why focus on the fact that a relationship would fail when one should focus on leading the relationship while it last and make the best out of it?
Interestingly, you don't always lose when you have failed in your relationship. Remember, trials and tough times are there not to defeat you and in the words of another one of my favorites Thomas S. Monson:
“The past is behind, learn from it.
The future is ahead, prepare for it.
The present is here, live it.”
Hope you got my answer and point here, take care.
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
thanks a lot for the post, how can i not mind your post for you open my eyes in some of the realities we have to face in life. have a great day!!!
have a great day!!!1 person likes this
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
hi skysuccess,
thanks for bringing up the other side of the coin. it is always nice getting other peoples thoughts without a mixed of emotions. btw, would you allow yourself be in a relationship that didn't start right in the first place? what if the guy has hang uos with his previous relationship? would you still give it a chance? please your thoughts. have a great day!!!
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
7 Nov 08
I have been in that situation, but instead of running away from it, I decided to tackle it head on. I have no regrets mind you, and learned a lot from the experience.
It also helped me to create different relationship boundaries for myself. I know more about what I want and when I want it, and know now not to settle for someone who isn't confident about their wants and needs as well.
There's always the risk of being involved with someone who claims they know what they want, and then as the relationship continues, they discover that they don't want that at all. But that's all part of the gamble. You can't avoid it sometimes.
1 person likes this
@ThirdMillion (604)
• United States
7 Nov 08
Well, personally I've been married for 10 years and I can understand what you're saying, but I don't think it would bother me as much. I mean, as long as the relationship is going well, I see no need to worry about pushing it to the next level. I assume you are referring to moving to the next step like marriage, but if things are good now, why worry about making it official by getting married? I may not be a good one to comment on this since I have been married a long time and I've never been in that situation, but I don't see it as that big of an issue.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
7 Nov 08
I see the point you are making . I would however,like to add a new spin to this discussion and this has to do with people who are afraid to commit not because they dont want to but maybe they are scared. There are people who want to be in a realtionship but thet carry the baggage of previous relationship with them.For persons like these you have to be patient and supportive.
If you have been with your partner for a while you should be able to discern if they are just being timid or selfish.The thing is if I found myself in association with the latter, I would end the relationship in an instant.
1 person likes this
@risca613 (16)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Hello! why don't you look at it in a positive way. Marriage is not also sure that you'll stay together forever after all. It's not security. It's just a piece of paper that binds you and after that if one of you realizes that you really are not meant for each other, what comes after? Divorce, annulment, separation, lawsuits, etc..I think with your situation you just have to think that the world is giving you a chance to find and meet an even better man. And if ever he comes along, then you can get out of that relationship without hassles. Cheer up! :)
