is this rude?

Wow that is terrible. I think that you are a good person. You did what you thought was best for her. I think that if she is going to talk about you like that you should just stay out of her life. I don't know why she contacted you if she felt like that. You could write her a letter. Explain to her why you gave her up and what was happening in your life at that time. I would tell her what you heard that she was saying and that you understand she is hurt by being given up but she doesn't need to be disrespectful. And ofcourse you should try to give your boys a perfect life! What parent doesn't do that? I hope things work out for you.

don,t worry she will come around she may thought she wanted to meet you at the time and she probably still will but give her some time don,t push her she will contact you and she will wonder why dad is bashing you over dinner this is not a nice thing to do if she wants a relationship after 25 years she will do it in her own time frame.i know she have awaken something in you but let it be silent a little while longer give her time to respond when she is ready.it,s going to be ok don,t worry you did what you had to do at the time now just be patient.

As a mother, i guess, you have to give the love and understanding what your kids need. Mother is a mother and if in your heart your really a mother, then you can give aytime the unconditional love and understanding for your children. I understand the pain you can feel but i guess, you have to accept it if you wanted to be a good mother and a person for them. Ask God guidance and a strong heart to overcome all the heartaches it will cause you.Goodluck and God Bless.

Hi deedeehall, we are a childless couple for 7 years, we already filed an adoption from the department of social welware here in our country and we will be having our adopted baby by next week or so, the baby that I'm going to received is being left in a church we don't know the biological parents are. About your discussion I think love is unlimited. Probably she needs love from her biological mom and needs to understand why she was given you up. Probably after receiving all that explanations and the love from you, that would make her complete. Don't worry much, as long as you have good intentions and you're going to explain to your boys the real situation in the past, just pray also that they're gonna open their heart and understand everything. Goodluck. If someday my adopted daughter to be will try to look for her biological parents,I'm going to support her because I love her and I want her to feel that she is special and being love.

See if you can contact her again- if you atill want a relationship with her. She obviously still contacted you afterall these years (even tho her bro and dad probably would have been saying negative things about you to her ) so its sound like she wants the relationship too. I wouldnt bring the boys into until you've spoken to her about this. Maybe you could take her out for dinner or something or a movie. Just casually ask her if she thinks youra bad person for giving her up. (you're so not by the way!!! I know how much pain it bring to look into a childs eyes and love them knowing that they came from you, and then have to give them away- stuff happens) If she asnswers and says no way- then you know she's not even going to listen to her family but if she says she kind of does then tell her your story. Even if you have to cry to get it out-she'll understand. Once you've understood eachother mention to her that you have to boys and that you would love for her to become part of your life and theirs. And when your both ready fpr the boys to meet her then tell the boys the truth, that she has her own family but she's part of there's aswell. If something happens and she never see's you again then atleast the boys will knoand not find out in a bad way later on. And if they're upset over it then tell them that they can always find if they'd like and that you love them and thats there's nothing to worry about, she justhas her own family and you know how busy people get with familis. Hope this helped! :)

Well, if I was you I would be thrilled that my daughter that I had not seen for 25 years wants a relationship with me. You do have to remember though that by talking to the person who lives in the area they could want to create a rift between your daughter and you. I am sure that you truly are a good person because you allowed your daughter to have the gift of life. True her dad and brother may think negatively of you for giving her up, but you probably did the right thing at the time for the reasons that are known to you. While that may seem harsh, it is the truth that you had your reasons then. However, now it seems like those reasons are no longer an issue. If I was you I would try to contact her again, but I would not make it seem like I was desparate. Because you have to recall that she also has to allow the 25 years of hurt to heal to. So taking the first baby steps will be the best option available.

deedeehall, This is just what narrow mindedness could do to some people and I think the problem here is being created subconsciously by her present family members. I suppose they are afraid that you may want to claim your daughter who you had given up 25 years ago back. I do not think there is much you can do except to let your true intentions be known here. At least it would (hopefully) broaden their minds and perception on this whole matter and hopefully soften the animosity for you. Besides, it was your daughter who had looked up for you and she being a grown up would know what she is doing and what to do as well. The way I see it, it'll be better for the both of you to make it a point to clear the air here, at least to stop them from letting their hearts overwhelm their heads and exaggerate the whole thing. May take time and lots of painstaking efforts, but I suppose it will be worth it for a long lost cause. I just wish you all the best and prayerfully all will work out for the better good. Take care.

You were probably very young when you had her, and you did what you thought would be best for her. She should be grateful for that. Now that she is grown if she wants to have a relationship with you , she should be truthful to herself as well as to you. I think you should talk to her and ask her straight up what her intentions are. You have suffered enough and do not need to go on a roller coaster ride with her. You were smart in not introducing your son yet.