Will you allow your husband to accept the job offer abroad?
By pam9979
@pam9979 (47)
Philippines
November 10, 2008 8:17pm CST
My husband was recently offered work abroad and he is thinking of accepting it. he said he can come home every six months to see us, but I'm worried about my 3 year old son growing up without him. Relocating abroad with him is also not an option since we want our son to grow up here, where all our relatives live. Personally, I don't want him to take the job. But then it will really help us financially. What should I do? Appreciate your help. Thanks.
2 people like this
17 responses
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
if i were you, i won't let him take the job.. you know, it's really hard for a child to grow up without a mom or a dad.. charged to experience, it's hard to live without a dad.. he never attended any important occasions like my graduation, debut, birthday, meetings and other school activities.. there are times that he would say not-so-good things about me and it's kind of annoying.. he's been working overseas for almost thirty years, yay!
@thinay (8)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
In some part i am kinda agree on you,coz like you said charged to experience!but let me share mine,way back when i was little my father was a seaman(captain)i never had the chance to know him much cause he always have a job overseas,then one time he told him self that if he could have the chance to roam around the world he is ready to die,then it was answered!,so like that i know exactly what you meant how hard for a kid not to have a dad or mom on there side while growing up,if they decided niether one of them to grab the chance to work overseas,but what is funny in this thing so called life,now im already a parent and just recently got back from working abroad for 3 years,just now i became to realized how hard also on my part to be far away with my family and kids,simply not being there with them everytime they have special events at schools,birthday's,christmas and new year,and for that it reminds me of my dad everytime i step in the airport and about to leave my family behind just because of my work.so what exactlly the point of my story is that we as the children we also have to try to understand WHY our parent's decided to work miles away from us its just because of US as well they have to sacrifice just because they want to secure our future and that makes us very lucky enough for simply having them as parents.so when the time your Dad comes home hug him,kiss him,and tell him how much you appreciate all the good things he has done to you,believed me he will cry(tears of joy)for that is the happiest moment of his life,soon you will realized what exactly what i meant...
so feel free to dropby if you have any comments or questions im here to response,looking forward in hearing from you and to all...
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Well, personally in a lot of ways, I am glad my husband does not work for someone where he would be offered an opportunity like this as unless it would be somewhere where I could come with him as well, and have everything set up for the Good, there is no way I could be for it as well. Personally it is not a Good situation to be split for this long, and I would not be able to do a lot of the things I need to get done as well. And since you have kids, I would really have a heartfelt talk with your husband about this, and also Pray about it if you are a praying person and then go from there. It might work for you, just something you need to think about for sure.
@shooie (4984)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I would let him do it but family or no I would relocate with him. He can come home every 6 months? What happens if you grow apart. That much time apart from each other would be hard on you and your child. I can understand being around family but you have to remember you have started a family of your own as well and a family should stay together. Maybe you can relocate with him and go back every 6 months to visit your family. I personally couldn't handle my husband being gone 6 months. Plus my husband wouldn't go if I couldn't go as well. Calling or writing or keeping in touch on the computer is not the same as the physical contact and the spouse being there. Would put a major strain on the relationship I think.
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
12 Nov 08
Please remember, opportunity knocks but once. I am sure you can raise your child without him. he is already three years old and he will be fine. Your relatives will be there to help you for sure.
If going with him is an option, why not give it a try.
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I don't think anyone can really tell you what you should or should not do. Since that is something that only you can make a decision about. You know how strong your relationship is and you know what you can or can not withstand.
My husband got a great not good a great offer to work overseas in Saudi Arabia on his degree but the hitch is that he'll be gone a year and he can't visit. He can come back for a 2 week visit but then i have to move to a place i know absolutely no one. I did it once when i got married, and with the help of my uncles that i never met except when i was 11 i was okay with time. I knew i wouldn't be able to handle it and i told him so. We have issues and we are face to face and are forced in the end to try and talk it out. If we get in a fight over the phone there is nothing to make us try and work it out.
Your lil boy is something you should consider as well but as i said, you know your strength and weaknesses and you know your marriage's strengths and weaknesses. I truly do wish you all the best.
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
I have thought about this situation before, and I think I'll let him make the decision by himself. I understand it's a difficult to decision to be separated, especially when you have a young kid. Nowadays, we can always use webcam to communicate with each other, of course, it's not as good as face-to-face communication, but this is an option that you can consider. If you really don't want him to work abroad, and you can live with your current financial condition, perhaps you can talk to him sincerely and tell him honestly that he should stay and look for a job here. Hope you'll find a way soon.
@annjilena (5618)
• United States
11 Nov 08
somtimes a man have to do what he has to do to provide for his family some have to go abroad to make money for his family he don,t want to he has no choose in the matter everyone wants to see their child grow up but we have to admit we have to have money to make ends meet these days.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
11 Nov 08
I can imagine that it is a hard situation you are facing, and to be honest with you six months is a long time at a time to be seperated from each other especially when you have such a young son. I know that finances sometimes mean couples having to do difficult things to survive but that it taking survival to the extreme are you strong enough as a couple to survive such a lengthy split? I know that if it was my hubby then I would never stand in the way of him doing what was right for his family but as his wife I am not sure our relationship would survive such a long time apart.
@jiffin4java (97)
• United States
11 Nov 08
Family is more important than money. It's so hard to raise kids by yourself. I had to be without my husband for two months last summer and we have two kids. It was really hard and I missed him so much. The kids had a really rough time too. Six months at a time is really long time, especially for a kid. Building that relationship with them when they're young is really important. If the job is really that big a deal, I'd reconsider going with him. If you really feel that strongly about going abroad with your child and you can make it with another job, even though it's not as much money, I'd have to take that option. It's just not worth sacrificing you and your son's relationship with your husband.
Pray pray pray pray about it!!
@Janice_tan021 (51)
• Singapore
11 Nov 08
IF i will you, i won't not ask my hubby to accept it. As the child will grow up fast, if he go, he will miss this wonderful period and the child will not have a good childhood as his dad aboard so far away from home and come back half year once. For my point of view, if he accept offer, your relationship will go plain eventually. Maybe you could ask your hubby to think twice again as this is due to future matter.
@clover1308 (58)
• Australia
11 Nov 08
Hi Pam9979! Poor thing, Im personally, don't agree if my husband has to work abroad though his salary will be great and will help the whole family financially. The thing is more than that not just about money. Happiness of the family and your children should come first. It's important for a husband as the leader of a family who plays a big role in a family to be there for his children and his wife. I think 6 months is too long for him to leave the family especially for the children. I guess, you can discuss this again with him and tell him about your feeling and he needs to listen to you and make sure that you also mention that it is important for the whole family to have him rather than
@iamfine (740)
• China
11 Nov 08
I think it is really tough to make decision on that.
If he work abroad, he may have to rent a room, why don't you go there and live with him if you worry about him and your growing son? Or if you insist your husband staying and working locally, will he hate you if the job in local turn our not good? Just my opinion, you may have to take too much things into consideration.
@anjanabs (127)
• India
11 Nov 08
if you have serious financial problem or you are financially tight then you have to allow him to go.if financial problem is not there you and your son has to go along with him.i that is the best way you have to do.if i were you'i would do like this.
@kymommy72 (588)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I wouldn't let the hubby do it. Little ones grow up so fast and he would be missing out on seeing him grow. A long distance relationship would be a strain on the marriage too, I think. It's always a rough decision, when more money is involved, which could in one way, give you a better life. But the time apart could actually damage the life you have. As important as money is, it's not everything. Good Luck to you, I hope it all works out for the best for you and your family.
@jstmarfz (1498)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I will let him accept that job in a practical way. Like what you have said he is allowed to come home every 6 months. You have nothing to be worried with your 3 year old son. I am sure your son knew his dad in a young age. Nowadays you have to be practical and look more on a positive way. With financial, it is truly a big help for you. Especially to your son's future. If I were in your shoe, there will be no doubt for me to encourage him to accept the job. I will support him. At first, it will hard because he will be far from you and your son but you will get used to it.
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
If you could earn there much more practically speaking let him be accept the offer. Otherwise it's hard to find job here with high salary. And many of our fellow like to go abroad for financial purposes. With our low economy profile how do you expect the next ten years here. Leave with your husband and your son. Even you are there the value of being a Filipino still with you and there are lots fellow community there. Still you can teach your son the values of being a good Filipino citizen where ever you go any where in the world.
