My Dilemma...I Would Really Welcome Your Input!!
By Ind3p3nd3nt
@Ind3p3nd3nt (182)
United States
November 10, 2008 11:26pm CST
Okay, so I have these two cousins...one maternal, one paternal. Mind you, they are not directly related to each other, but they have me in common, and a few years ago, they became really good friends. Now, they never ask me to hang out with them or anything...idk why, lol...but everytime they get into it, they put ME in the middle of it! One of them called me this morning at 3:30 AM while they were in the middle of the most juvenile argument...totally disregarding the fact that I had to get up for work within the next hour. But, I digress. Whenever they are at odds, they each expect me to automatically jump on their side to defend them, citing that "we're family". Um, hello, genius! I'm family to him, too. I can't just choose sides! Now, I've always been the smart, logical one, so I'm always fair with my input and I try to be unbiased and subjective with my advice, but no matter what, one of them always ends up mad at ME! What'd I do?! Idk what to do or say anymore without making one of them upset. What should I do? What should I say? Should I move and change my identity or what? I'm all out of plays. :(
3 people like this
4 responses
@Opinionaire1025 (35)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I was put in this same situation with a couple of friends of mine, who are practically family. They used to find the most ridiculous things to fight about, then make me referee. Like your situation, I was always the one they ended up mad at in the end. Unlike your situation, I completely stopped talking to both of them for about a week when they got into one of their big arguments. I followed suit with each brawl thereafter, and they since have stopped coming to me with their silly situations. That's not to say I don't play Psychologist in every other arena of their lives, it's just that I finally got them to realize I was going to be completely Switzerland on their endless fighting. It's made them respect me more, which I think is something you need to make your cousins give you.....knowing me..if they had any problems with it..I'd just throw back that little "We're family" deal...what can they say to that, really? lol
@Ind3p3nd3nt (182)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I love this response and I totally agree with the whole respect thing. I've never really looked at it as them disrespecting me by always putting me in the middle and making me feel bad or like I have to choose between them. Once I let them know how I feel about the way they treat me, I'm sure they'll back off.
I really appreciate your input. With this 20/20 hindsight vision I've suddenly acquired, it seems like such an obvious, simple solution. But, I guess that's always been one of my pitfalls: I'm always quick to try to stand up for everybody else, but when it comes to myself, I'm a freakin' paraplegic.
Thanks again!
@Opinionaire1025 (35)
• United States
11 Nov 08
No problem!! Good luck! Tell me how it works out for ya!
@KYEEDAH1 (139)
• United States
12 Nov 08
Wow, it's a shame. And don't we All have family drama? Sheesh! I think that your cousins shouldn no longer communicate with each other as much. Also you all should not hang out with each other because it will always be a battle of who can get the most attention from you. Also, I would not talk about one cousin while hanging out with the other cousin. That just might make things worst. And of course, they are both behaving in a very juvenille manner, but what got them to this point? Did someone take the other's boyfriend or something (i am assuming they are female)? What could ever make them so mad at each other and get to this point. Maybe (if you don't know already) you can try to talk to them and get to the bottom of things because sometimes figuring out the caue of an issue can help you resolve it. And you cannot break up with family, remember that, so good luck and try to work things out.
@Ind3p3nd3nt (182)
• United States
13 Nov 08
This is some very sound advice. I like it. I guess I could sit down with them and see what we could do to try to work it out, but I'm gonna have to charge by the hour, lol. Those kids have issues like no other.
And they're both guys...I'm the girl. I think what started it all was that one of them tried talking to a female that the other had already established a "relationship" with. And I do use the term "relationship" as loosely as possible. But I guess he just felt disrespected, in a sense. And they both see each other as family as opposed to just friends, so I think he felt let down twice as much. They didn't talk to each other for about year after that happened, but ever since then, they've never really been the same. Idk...I guess the trust just isn't there anymore.
But I will definitely take your advice as well as the advice from the previous lotters should this situation ever present itself again. Thanks for the response...I greatly appreciate it.
@melody1011 (1663)
• India
11 Nov 08
I think since they only want to seek you out when they are fighting, you dont matter that much to them. Its better you keep out of their arguments for the sake of the family as you risk taking sides which in this case happen to be opposites both in the family as well as against each cousin. So stay neutral and ask them to solve their own quarrels on their own. It might seem harsh but better over time in case they decide they dont want to be friends any more and you will see them for common family functions etc.
@Ind3p3nd3nt (182)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I agree, but I find it kinda hard to not provide some form of help when it's asked of me. And they care about me...we just don't hang out because they're the female-chasing, college guy types whom I loathe and they think I'm a huge c*ckblocker, lol. But I'm really close with both sides of my family...we all live within 30 or 45 minutes of each other, so I see everybody a lot more often than just the holidays and family reunions. I wish I could just stay neutral and I TRY to just stay neutral, but with each of them pulling on either arm. It's hard for a girl to stay intact that way, lol.
Anways, thanks for the response! It was really insightful.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
11 Nov 08
jeeze how juvenile!! especially since you are kin to both and were close with both before they got close.. sigh
@Ind3p3nd3nt (182)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Yeah, I know. But I guess that's just how things go sometimes...with family and friends alike.
