What do you think destroys marriage?
By manunulat
@manunulat (604)
Philippines
November 11, 2008 5:37am CST
I am contemplating on getting married the following year to a Turkish man and before I would say yes to the guy, I have been googling for some thoughts about the general character of Turkish men and I am pretty surprised with both the positive and negative results. For those you are married with another nationality or inter-racial relationship, what do you think are the core principles in having a long-lasting relationship and what do you think destroys marriage?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@mojcica (1511)
• Slovenia
11 Nov 08
I am not married, but am in a relationship for quite some years. What I think is the biggest danger for the relationship is taking it for granted and stop working on it. Once it becomes a habit many people stop taking care of it, small things are very important and once we are in a longer relationship we dont take time for those little things anymore and we take things for granted which is no good.
As far as a different nationalities are concerned they just add to the difficulcy of a relationship. If the differences are very big then it is very difficult to work it out.
2 people like this
@workinggurl (399)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
This is true, when the relationship becomes so predictable and monotonous then the danger comes in..the couple should always give time to each other even just once a month just the two of them without the children just to keep the romance alive.
Inter-racial marriage is really difficult, culture difference is one factor for straining the relationhip.
1 person likes this
@manunulat (604)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
That's right. I think the word commitment should penetrate within the bounds of culture and that, issues that may post both parties to react should be grounded on the word "compromise". I appreciate both of your response.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
“Marriage,” usually means that you trust someone you love to care about you, be true to you, to have integrity within your relationship, and to put the couple relationship above all other relationships. When that trust is broken you may feel betrayed, rejected, uncared about, and unloved. Broken trust is extremely hard to heal. Infidelity is the greatest destroyer of marriage. Once that sets in a relationship it is almost impossible to recover the trust for your partner and once trust is lost, it will slowly followed by the dying of love and affection to your husband. It will be the beginning of many battles in a marriage before calling the the marriage a total wreck.
Do not look at his nationality but look up on him as a person you love and would be husband. Nationality will cause a barrier in any healthy relationship. learn to accept him as what he is and not where he is from. If you are compatible his nationality is of no relevant to your union.
@manunulat (604)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
That's right, infidelity is a culprit. Yes I believe that nationality should not be a hinder for a relationship to progress but I am talking about the culture innate of that nationality which is vital aide in solving problems later on as well as making a mutual decision. I will be adapting into that culture and the key there is for me to have these information accessible because later on, we will be raising a family as well...
@ejiskolo (78)
• Nigeria
11 Nov 08
Intermarriage has its positive end and negative ends. The negative ends has to do with the ability of one to accept the culture of the other person which posed a serious problem as man cannot readily change his skin's color the way the chameleon does is. But actually what really the problem is the man you getting married to. what can you of his personal charisma, how well do you know him? Can you cope with him? do he understand you? These are some questions you need to answer because irrespective of tribe and race, There is no you in another man.
Is time you go back to the drawing board and get to understand your man. If you love him, you will gradually understand his culture and talk it over with him where you find it difficult to coped.
I think generalising your man with his cultural background is a big minus to intertribal marriage.
1 person likes this
@manunulat (604)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
It is not my motive to make a generalization of my man through his nationality, I am collating the value of understanding his culture and that's what he is doing also as we progress with our relationship. The idea there is to make an open communication productive as we go on. I think, I am lucky to have an understanding and well-educated man that is also willing to learn my cultural perspective and yes, I am also ready to face whatever negative feedback that should arise but having equipped with a basis gives an idea that we can both deal with whatever crises to take place.
@jayyerex (224)
• Canada
12 Nov 08
I am married and I have four children with my wife. I can tell you definitively that if you are not honest with yourself and with your potential husband, you will have an unhappy marriage. The same is true for him. If he is not honest then you will never trust him. How can you be happy if you do not trust your mate? This truth applies to every area of your life. Kepp the honest, open communication up and you will be fine. Good luck!
