My Story of Pain, Hope, and Survival

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As an introduction to my posting here at MyLot I thought a good place to start would be with the telling of my own story. Get to know a little about the person behind this screen name. Life is hard. Pain, problems, tragedy, abuse, and many other problems are a part of each person's life at one time or another. Knowing there is someone out there who cares can help lesson the pain of these problems to some degree. I learned a very long time ago that the painful experiences of life are meant to be shared with others. This is what I try to do as often as possible. I was born in 1961 in a small town in Southeastern, Ohio to an abusive mother and a hard working father. My father was wonderful and loved me greatly, but my mother hated me and made my life a nightmare for the first 11 years of my life. In the 60's, there was little done about child abuse. Fathers did not get custody of their little girls. The only way father got custody was if the mother died. Even then, there were obstacles to be overcome. Shortly after my 11th birthday, my mother went completely crazy, locked me in the house, boarded up all the windows, and would not let me leave it. She kept me out of school for 3 months. This event was the turning point which allowed me to live with my Aunt and to see my father whenever I wanted. Even though he did not have custody of me, he was an important part of my life. My Aunt tried to raise me right, but the damage was done. I had been a victim too long, and it just became to easy to fall back into the victim role. At age 15 I was sexually abused by a family friend and at age 18 I was raped by my boyfriend. No charges were filed in either case because of my own fear and the inability of authorities to take these type of cases seriously back then anyway. I married the father of my two children in 1980. The marriage was full of abuse and control. My abusive past had set the stage for my falling into this long term abusive marriage. I stayed in it for 18 years believing this was the best I could do. I had know abused throughout my entire life and believed to be abused was to be loved. Many attempts to get out of it failed because I did not know how to stop being a victim. In 1999, I did finally leave the marriage for good. This was the beginning of my recovery, and I finally learned how to stop being a victim. I made the decision to stop being a victim and with time and support it happened. Today, I no longer leading the life of a victim, but I do live the life of a survivor. I dedicated my life to helping victims of abuse and tragedy to find help and hope. I continue this through my writing and my website. In 2002, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. This has been a never ending battle of strength and perseverance. I continue to battle MS, along with, other health problems. I do this with the aide of doctors, medication, and my own will to live. This has been the most defining part of my life. It has made me understand that life is a gift. It is not something to be taken for granted. We have to to make the people in our lives and our health the top priorities. Life is too short to get caught up in trivial confrontations. In 2004, the violence crept back into my life, and we all were forced to deal the ultimate tragedy resulting from family violence. A young man of 18 years old which was my daughter's best-friend and a part of our family was murdered by his nephew. This event reminded me that no matter how good your life may be, tragedy can always happen. The pain was hard, and we still deal with it often, but justice was served when the murderer received a life without parole sentence for the crime. This event put me back into the reality of the work which needed to continue. As long as adults and children die as a result of family violence, I have important work to do. I must continue to speak for those unable to speak for themselves and to help victims of abuse and tragedy to find hope. My health at times may delay my work or slow things down, but it does not stop me completely. My work will never stop until I die or there are no more loss of life because of Family Violence. I am dedicated to this cause. Today, I continue to to battle my health issues while I work with victims of abuse and tragedy. I, also, spend a great deal of time with my family and especially my grandson. This little boy has brought new joys and blessing into my family and home. He is a true blessing and miracle. I take nothing for granted. I know that life is given as gift, and is only as good as we make it. It has been said, "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." I believe this statement, and I am living proof of the truth contained within those words. Because of my health problems, I do have limitations, but I do not focus on what I can't do each day. I only focus on what I can do. I have a great family which I love and their support keeps me going. I am a mother of two great grown children, and grandmother of a beautiful grandson and the wife of a great man. There is nothing better then the support and love of family. I am grateful for what I have, and I do not worry about what I don't have.