Change attitude.

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My younger one is too sensitive and demands very soft behaviour from me all the time.I shouldn't change my voice modulation even if he doesn't obey me. If I shout at him,he becomes more arrogant and makes the situation worse. He expects me to say sorry and I'm forced to do so.I have to say sorry and again start explaining him why I behaved like that and promise him of not repeating and make him obey me and finish the task.If not, either he'll cry or spank me in return if I spank him and shout back at me. I'm worried about his behaviour in the future and don't understand how long should I continue like this. My elder one is questioning me for the same. Sometimes, I make and feel myself for his behaviour as I am short tempered and exhibit the same behaviour towards them but I want to change and have a better parenting life.can you advice?