Which path should I follow???
By mdbzoie
@mdbzoie (25)
Philippines
November 14, 2008 12:28am CST
I am married with one kid and for three years of our lives we'd stayed in the mercy of my inlaw. My husband as of now don't have a job, he just resigned from an IT work for two months now. I've been with my daughter at home for three years helping my mother in law in her laundry business. Just 5 months ago, I applied and got a job in a contractual basis in a stable company. My daughter stays with my mother in law. Just recently she wants me to quit work and concentrate with my daughter and help her again which I don't like. I just don't know but I don't like. I feel like my knowledge has gone for three years and my self-confidence went down because of being a stay at home mom. I don't have access on the outside world by that time and only using the computer helps me to learn this and that. I maybe being a self centered mom but I do love my daughter. I even suggested that I'll get a nanny for her and have my sister look after her so by the time I went home I could be with her but being an only granddaughter, my mother in law don't approved of it as well as my husband. My problem is what should I do? Do I have to stop now because I want to earn for myself and my family. I am the one who pays for my daughter tuition fee, she's in nursery level. Especially now that my husband don't have a work yet, I still can't find the answer if I'll quit or not. If ever i'll resign I don't know if i'll ever gain the confidence again and the self-growth that I need. Just want to have someone who can advice me. Thank you so much. God bless.
2 people like this
4 responses
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
Well I guess you just have to be brave to tell that to your Mother in law. I guess that she needs to understand that you need to grow at some point in your life to really enjoy your being a mother and a career woman. As for your husband I guess it is imperative that you urge him to work also. I think depending too much on your mother in law is just not right for a mother.
@mdbzoie (25)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
Everytime I'll tell my mother in law that I will not quit my work she'll say that she pity our daughter because we don't have a time for her. In the first place, before I got hired I already talked to her that my sister will look after my daughter but then she volunteered that she'll be in charge and was even the one who look for a school suitable for my daughter! But things turned upside down now and was forcing me to resign immediately! Her main reason is my daughter should be my priority and so that my husband will be forced to look for a job and lessen his addiction to online gaming.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
Well I can understand the reasoning of your mother right now. I guess she is right from trying to encourage her son to work for the family and not you. That is indeed the ideal setup in a family. But then just let her understand that there are certain needs in you that you need to satisfy and I guess that is what she should also understand.
@mdbzoie (25)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
Since she has a laundry shop, she asked me that she'll give me money if ever i'll resign and i will be helping by just supervising her employee's who are doing the laundry at home as she wants to be the one on the store. And I guess its a good thing though since her only concern is the kid. On the other side, I really don't know if its good because its like asking for money or its just my pride *sighs*
1 person likes this
@kolsnt87 (27)
• India
15 Nov 08
first of all never let your confidence down cos when you yourself let you down it wud rely get tough on your part to come back to normal so please for heaven sake do not get bogged cos you have a daughter and she needs you and also keep in mind she's dependent on you so before taking any decisions of quitting the current job see to that your decision does not take even a little toll on Ur daughter,just try to convince your husband and mother-in-law by telling the things that can happen when you resign the job and also seek the help of persons whom Ur husband and mother-in-law trust more and make them to speak on your part and get the confidence of your husband and mother-in-law and continue with your current job,i hope everything wud start going your way and you earn the accolades of everyone,my prayers for you never let down your confidence
@mdbzoie (25)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
Thank you too for the advice about my confidence. Sadly, whenever I've got no one to talk to, my confidence and knowledge really decreases since for the past 1 year of my life I've been surrounded by maids! Not that I'm against them but their knowledge is sometimes limited. I was even mistaken as a maid after I gave birth while I was doing the laundry by my brother in law's classmates! I felt really bad about it that's why I insist to work.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
14 Nov 08
I raised 4 daughters single and i would not have it any other way....now & in retrospect. My husband did not work most of the time and we always were reliant on his family or mine. It was humiliating to me and frustrating as well. They were also of the mindset that I should stay home with my kids. I did for a while and I worked babysitting and other odd jobs. Often time it was that pay that got us by. Still, he did not work often and when he did, his money went towards his own needs and wants. Anyway, for that and other reasons we split up. I got a job where I could count on the pay each week and raised my girls. At times I felt so guilty and bad about leaving them but we had to get by. Grown now...they are all beaurtiful and hard working girls with much responsibilty. I would never want them to be married with kids and stuck in a miserable situation. They aren't and hopefully won't be. I am not suggesting you leave your husband. But then again if he is not working because he carelessly quit his job and then thelling you that you should not worj,,,wekkm U;d not do tha either. Even if he were working...you are entitled to work if that is your choice.
@mdbzoie (25)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
Wow you really are a survivor! God has always been by yourside =) For myself I don't really want to have a broken family ( and i think no one wants! ) But sometimes I challenge my husband by saying let's separate our lives but then after 2-3 days were each other again LOL. But if I'll be given no choice I'd rather have a broken family than having the most irresponsible husband that will make our family miserable every days of our lives. As of now, he's applying for a job though I think it would be hard for him because its December. But then that's a good sign that he is inclined to work now though the online gaming schedule is still on his list everyday.
@redchase (347)
•
14 Nov 08
i think its great that you have a mother in law willing to help you out with your kid and everything, but i think the bottom line is that you pretty much want to stop being taken care of and feel like you have some worth, like you're pulling your weight. and you know what? theres nothing wrong with that. having a job doesnt make you a bad mother. i think you need to sit down and talk to your husband about how important this is to you, and maybe you two can figure something out with him maybe helping his mother since he is currently unemployed and that way both of you are being occupied doing something. i can understand you being torn in a commitment to your mother in law by helping her since she's been helping you by giving you a place to live, but you cant live with her your whole life. so maybe this is that push that you need to start off a life with your family that is really yours. but then again im only 20 and not married. maybe im just being an idealist, but i dont think that there is a problem with you wanting to help the situation and yourself if possible.
@mdbzoie (25)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
Thank you for your advice, redchase. My husband and I already talked about this and he's the one who decides but lacks action. He helps her mom but not most of the time because they always argue with each other so my mother in law get tired of it. Because of this sometimes I don't know if I'm lucky or not having this family. I'm lucky for having a daughter but as of now I don't know if I'm lucky having my husband hahaha. Maybe in time when he has matured full enough. For strange reasons he always spends his time in a computer shop, addicted to online gaming at the age of 27 which I don't know how to stop. We'll I guess that's another problem I have. *sighs*
