my oldest is scared to be alone
By auntpondie
@auntpondie (172)
United States
November 14, 2008 12:30pm CST
i have two daughters. my oldest is 11 and my youngest is 9. for whatever reasson, my 11 year old is scared to death to be alone. she has my 9 year old sleep with her every night and will not go into her room alne even when we are all in the house. she hates to even be in the bathroom alone. we have talked about it and ive asked her if anything happened that i missed and she said no, she just wants to be with someone. when my youngest gets mad at her sister, she sleeps in her room to get even. my oldest cries tears over this. i could just really use some advice on this. is this normal? will she grow out of it? i feel bad because i get frustrated with her about it. i want her to know she is safe in her own home and that there is nothing to be afraid of.
4 responses
@scorpio19 (1363)
•
16 Nov 08
Hi,
this sounds very normal to me, my 9 year old son will not go in a room on his own even if he just takes the dog with him he feels better, I have teenagers too and they were the same but they just naturally grow out of it, your daughter will too.
@auntpondie (172)
• United States
20 Nov 08
thank you for your response. its nice to know they will grow out of this.
@navidad1 (1)
• United States
30 Dec 08
yes, my 11 yr. old daughter has been doing this for a while although now it is to the extreme. Either my husband or I would have to lay on the floor next to her bed for her to sleep. She eventually came into our bed later in the evening. Now, she cannot fall asleep at all. She says that she just stares at the ceiling and starts to think of scarey things that won't allow her to sleep. I really could use some advice as to what to do. Maybe talking with someone with help?
@chameleonsdream (1230)
• United States
14 Nov 08
Kids do go through phases and sometimes unreasonable fears are part of those phases. I actually went through this with my two youngest sons a couple of years ago - the older one just developed a total terror of being too far away from other people for no reason at all. That meant he wouldn't even go through the kitchen to use the bathroom if everyone else was in the living room watching television. Have you asked her how she feels when she is alone in her room, or what she is afraid might happen if she is alone in her room at night?
As counterintuitive as it seems, sometimes the best way to deal with this kind of fear is to "give in" and just accept that for right now, she is afraid. If your younger daughter refuses to sleep in the room with her, go with her to her room or let her remain in a room where there are other people. Some people are afraid that doing that will "let her win" or "spoil her", but a lot of the time, taking her fear seriously, accepting that she feels it and giving her what she needs will be enough to reassure her that you'll always take care of her even if you think what she needs is silly.
@auntpondie (172)
• United States
14 Nov 08
awesome point. thank you. i havent looked at it from your point of view. i do want her to know ill always be there to take care of her. its nice to hear from other mothers that this is not just something that i am dealing with. i appreciate your advice.
@chameleonsdream (1230)
• United States
20 Nov 08
Thanks for the BR, Auntpondie - I hope things are working out for your girl!
@AcousticSoul (1309)
• United States
14 Nov 08
You know I went through something similar as a child. I couldn't sleep by myself or with the light off .But the difference is I had a spiritual gift I saw things, had preminishions but eventually I got use to it and grew out of being scared Some people just don't like being alone. but I think she will grow out of it, but its something you have to work with...you have to let go and let her sleep alone so she can see its ok. show her where she has her own room and your other daughter has her own room and its ok to be alone. it took me until I moved out on my own at 18 good Luck
@auntpondie (172)
• United States
14 Nov 08
thank you for the advice. i did actually make her sleep alone last night and this morning she was fine, but already asking her sister if she would be back tonight. it is something we will just have to work with. i guess its better than having a child who wants to be alone all the time and around noone...
@Swaana (1205)
• India
14 Nov 08
This does seem to be normal. Due to some harmonal changes some kids behave like this. But all the same, try to sit and talk with her and if she is not opening up to you why not take her to some one to whom she can discuss things. This will help you out in sorting things and she will also slowly come out of this
@auntpondie (172)
• United States
14 Nov 08
thank you for responding. she is definately going thru some changes. we will just see what happens next in this thing we call " growing up "
