How would you handle this family difficulty?

There is a phrase I've heard used before. Is it a quote, I don't know. "Don't go throwing good money after bad." In a case like this, I think it bears reflection. See, a mother can have healthy and unhealthy children. But if she throws all her affection after the ones that keep getting in trouble, she winds up rewarding poor choices and enabling the children to cling to her. I should think that a mother would be required to show balanced and equal attention to all her children. Praising the "strong" child, helping the "weak" child, but not letting one monopolize her. It is contrary to expectations that a stronger, healthier child should be essentially brushed aside. One would expect that being strong and doing healthy things with your life is what a mother should want. It would be expected that a mother would praise and reward such instead of taking it for granted.

You are right. Your idea for your mother to come to see you would have been the better solution. However, what is done is done. It won't do anybody any good to stew about it. You need to concentrate on being ready for that baby. Since she or he is being born via c-section, you'll be in the hospital longer than someone who has had a normal delivery. Also, you'll be able to do less after you do get home. My mother/grandmother senses just started tingling. What is wrong with your mother. Does your doctor have a pamphlet of dos and don'ts for c-section patients that you could overnight to your mother? I stayed a week with my daughter-in-law's first c-section and 6 weeks with her second. Barring a drastic change of heart by your mother, you'll have to make do with the help of your husband and friends. They'll probably be more help, anyway. You'll need to have things situated so that you won't have to do any lifting. Have meals already prepared and in the freezer. Arrange for help with house cleaning, etc. Best wishes from Grandma.

I would have been kinda insulted. A birth is a special moment in any families lives and it should be cherished by all in the family. I wish they could be there for you because even the strong need family. Maybe they will come to their senses and be there for you. From these typed words to God's eyes..

I think you are right here. Your family should be there for you when you have the baby. I am surprised that your mother does not want to be there.

If you are perceived as 'the strong one' maybe you need to actually ask for some help if you want it. Just be honest and tell them that you would like family around during this time...... or whatever it is you are feeling. I bet you are getting excited. Dec. 10 is not very far away. Congrats, ersmommy1.

Has your mother told you why she can not be there for your baby' coming? I think at least she would give you a good reason.

I hope that everything goes well during your c section. I just feel the same because I am the eldest of the family so I always had to shoulder family responsibility while my parents took care of my younger siblings. I hope that you have a close family member either your sister or your mother beside you © ronaldinu 2008

Hi there Ars Mommy! Oh, thant sucks. *hugs* I think that it is really hard when no one from your family is near during the times that you need them the most. Well, I know that there's no advice to be given, that you just wanna share. You can make it. Have a safe and easy delivery.

Did you let your mother know how important it is to you to have her there for the birth of your child? Sometimes people assume that people really know exactly how they are feeling or what they want, but in reality some people need to be told flat out. She might really think that you will be fine without her there. If you are not ok with it, make sure she knows you really want her to be there. Realistically, no marital problems can be resolved when the other person is that far away, but the break might be good for them. You are lucky to have so many good friends who can be there for you and your husbands family lives close by. Since you cannot really change the fact that your mother and sister will not be there other than to buy them a plane ticket(since both are unemployed I doubt they have the money). I would try to not think about the negative and concentrate on the fact that you have lots of friends who will be there and your husbands family. I would just invite them all to either be there for the birth of your son or to visit you shortly after the birth.

Are you the kind of person that is strong personality or weak. When I got pregnant my husband is physically their with me but I feel that his not around. I cannot feel here love and care with me maybe because were to young when we got our first baby 21 years old and his not ready for responsibility. Even walking his not their he prefer to watch basketball rather than help me walking outside. I cry at nigth all the time. I was asking myself I'm so stupid. We've been together for almost 7 years. His caring but he change. But i'm a strong girl time come I confront him and he change.I ask him Are you not proud of me that I'm going to deliver your child we did this for love. I gave birth normal delivery almost 24 hours in true labor. But I cannot feel the pain because I do lamaze by myself and some pregnancy exercise. My mother against with me. She hated me when i got pregnant. I deliver my healthy baby girl all by myself. Without them. Be strong. You can only help yourself.

I didnt quite get the whole problem. but I know how it feels being labeled the strongest of my children. But what you can do is you can talk about your need of help or your weakness to your mother. She might get it that you do need her and it would be a very special favor on her part to come and help you out. she might understand

i've been working outside my country untill i met someone to get married but before this i was pregnant i spoke to my parent and they say one thing its time for you to chose to have your own family but whatever your discion is you must stand and be responsible for this.the problem is we are hiding this relationship from his parents because im foriegner and he is only 24 and im 27.we get married without the concent of his parent which is so hard for me to accept but i dont have a choice coz im going to deliver after a month.im worried about is maybe his family will throw him away just incase they will know,we keep praying until one day his mother knew about this,we keep hiding because his father is so hard hard hard man...i dont stop praying that if they will not accept me atleast accept my son and its happen.when they know i thought its my biggest problem but its amazing and thanks god they accept me and my son.during my difficulties period i learn a lot of values which is i challege mysself to be strong and more patient in everything.for me communication is the best medicine to resolve the problem.

yes it would be nice to have your mom there .but if she not then she is missing out and not you .anyway you will be happy when you get to see that beautiful little baby. yes you will be scared but remember that you will be great mom and when your kid is older remember how you feel when your mom was going to be there and make sure you are there for your kid.the people that will be there will should you love .