Teenagers and the effects they can have on your marriage

Wow!! That is a lot of kids! I have a three year old and a 9 month old and I can't even imagine what you might be going through with that! But I bet you are such a good mom and good luck!

You have my sympathy - you have another six years before the youngest is out of high school!A "mixed" family often brings a whole set of additional problems - especially if the "other" parent is involved with the children and discipline has to be a joint effort with them. It is always best (as you have said you do) to present a "united front" when it comes to discipline and not let the child know that there is any question between the two of you (and the other parent if involved) as to how they will be disciplined. It might be necessary to outline ahead of time what discipline will be used for what "infractions" and each subsequent offense, so there is no question when the time comes. This also lets the children know there is consistency within the house and that there aren't different rule for different children. Kids (at any age) are often really good at playing one parent against the other when they want something - or when they have done something that they are to be disciplined for - and both parents (all parents if there are more involved) have to be aware that this occurs. Keeping the lines of communication open with all involved (but not in front of the kids) helps avoid conflicts between the adults when this occurs. A big issue when our children were teens - with all sorts of activities and dating and such - was the breaking of their curfew. The very best way we found to deal with this was a rule that for every five minutes that you come home after your curfew, your curfew is moved back fifteen minutes. Your curfew stays at that point until such time as you have been on time for 5 consecutive times - at which point it goes back to the original time. If you come in late again before those 5 times have been reached - your curfew is again moved back according to the amount of time you were late...and so on. You lose whenever you come in late and you have to earn back the privilege of staying out later. We did make some exceptions to the regular curfew for special occasions such as homecoming or prom, but there was still a limit set - it was never left to them to come in whenever they felt like it. We did allow a later curfew in the summer when they weren't in school and non-school nights were a little later than school nights during the school year. We also had an agreement with them to call home and let us know if they were - for some unavoidable reason - going to be past curfew. Such an occasion would be if the team bus was running late getting back from an away game, and no "penalty" was assessed against their curfew in such an event. We were also much stricter than other parents regarding car usage. They were never to have more than one other person riding with them in the car and they were to consult with us before allowing someone to ride with them - we wanted to know who it was and reserved the authority to say no. We wanted them to communicate where they were going and who they were going with and if there were any changes to those plans, we were to be advised. They were NEVER to let anyone else drive their vehicle. I did also, on occasion (I worked in a hospital), relay to them when teens were brought in from car accidents that resulted from carelessness or from drinking, and discussed how their actions impacted their lives and the lives of their families. We also made a "pact" with them - if they were ever in a situation where they didn't feel safe - whether with a friend who was drinking - or even if they were drinking themselves (that's another issue) - and didn't feel that they could safely get home - they were to call us - no matter what the time was or where they were, and we would come to get them. The "wrong girl" or "wrong boy" issue is a hard one. It always seems that the more you object to the person they choose, the more it drives them to want to be with that person. Unless we felt that there was a safety issue or that there might be some kind of illegal activity going on, we just stood back and "monitored" the situation. Generally, they would see on their own that it wasn't a good choice.

Holy Cow...your grocery bill must be huge! I have 4 children 20, 17, 14 , 8. When my teens have made poor choices, my husband and I always talk about it and come to an agreement with what we are going to do before the issue is raised with the child. This way they always see us united in the decision that has been made. Usually if we disagree, we go with what I decide. I guess just being the mom I am more involved in their lives, so my husband realizes that I deal with them more than he does.

Well first of all I want to say KUDOS to you and your husband. I have raised two and can't fathom 7! LOL Me and my husband always tried (didn't always work but for the most part) to discuss our kids behaviour at selected times that they were no where around. Then we dished out that discipline or solution to a problem as a team. There is no text book way to raise teens. You just take it one day at a time and do the best you can.

Ladystacy, Hi i have just arrived on myLot and I find it very informative. I am a mother of 5 ages 21,16,16,31,29. 1 is my biological child the other4 my husbands. Well I can tell you because I am a Christian I find it fairly easy to deal with some of the issues that come my way. Don't get me wrong, there are times when i too feel as if I want to tear my hair out, but the Grace of God sustains me.I find that it takes a lot of patience, you stick to what you know to be right, because they also play the peer pressure game with you, to make you feel guilty, but I work very hard at not falling for that.My belief is , if this is what the Lord has in his plans for raising children then it is the right thing, and you don't back down. If you do then you will be both responsible for the consequences of what you do or you allow the child to do, so be firm. Your husband is your partner for life, and I believe if we allow the kids to put a rift between us then when they become adults and have relationships of their own, and are gone, who pick up the pieces of your life? Not them, they are gone to enjoy their lives. Love them unconditionally, but also love yourself unconditionally. It can't be 75/25 it must be 100/100.