He left her after he found out that she had her hymen surgically reconstructed

Wow this issue is not so common but possible. Well what I can say is that you should advice your friend to apologize to his husband for lying and keeping such thing a secret. The matter is very sensitive and the best thing you could advice is for them to talk and settle the issue. Hiding something after marriage if I'm not mistaken is a ground for divorce so if your friend loves her husband so much she shouldn't have keep a secret. Anyway hymen issues are not really the basis of true love, so inform your friend that if her husband loves her then they could be back together again.

It is a form of deception since he did tell her basically no deal otherwise... but thing is after 11 years of marriage... and two kids... he now wants to end his marriage over it? That doesn't make him any better in my opinion... he is refusing to take care of the kids why? Did they do anything wrong? Because i can tell you... the kids will feel as if they did something wrong for dad to not want to be there for them. She is guilty for not being straight up with him... but he should be at least a man and put into consideration that they both invested 11 years into their marriage... 11 years of good and bad... after 11 years i don't think it should be such a defining point now. So his love disappeared for her when he found out basically is the message he is sending... that's just heartless. Yes she is wrong for deceiving him but i don't think that throwing away all those years is worth it over such a matter. It isn't like she cheated on him for the love of God.

I think she is better off without him, you know most men would not even know if a woman was a virgin or not anyway, I wonder if he was a virgin before he got married, i hate this sort of thing, its just an ego thing on the mans part...he's a dill.

Personally, I don't think it was the main cause, tiny lubrication part from those plans ---to divorce. While we know that sometimes we may had a change of heart, change of view/perspective, etc. I think you know where I'm heading for this one. Actually, there's nothing you can do about it. First, in pre marriage she knew that there will be a day like this. It means, she had been emotionally prepared to bear such risk. If not, why did she have the surgery? Maybe she will answer you, that she loved him. But there was so many ways to show love signal, why choose a hard one. I'm not being a materialistic type, but paying lot of money for pain and recovery, while a "haunting" emotional pain in the end waiting to explode. Thus, she did have it now. Human may make mistake in decision making. But why waiting 11 years? Judging from my response, you must be thinking, why I emphasize on her, and not her husband. There were so many guys on earth, why pick an old-fashioned or someone who sounded "egotistic" in "an intact for a small tissue". What about girls who were born without hymens? Does it fair? Now I emphasize on him. Does he carry a good-marriage with his "arrogant" idea of a perfect wife? Khayam, my dear friend. They have their own life. There isn't much you can offer to her now. Both sides were mended into their own perspective and valuing both were also in each right position. Besides, divorce means a full-pact emotional concern to separate either of each -or one of them. What you can do, at least, listen to her, but don't ever think giving her a clue. Which may lead many disorder and disadvantages to you, supposed she's moving "according to your plan" unsuccessfully. Neither was right, both were making decision that had lead them into their own pitfalls. So, guys.. still want to have such criteria in choosing a wife, after saw what her wife could do before marriage, with nowadays medical capability?

Personally, I don't think it was the main cause, tiny lubrication part from those plans ---to divorce. While we know that sometimes we may had a change of heart, change of view/perspective, etc. I think you know where I'm heading for this one. Actually, there's nothing you can do about it. First, in pre marriage she knew that there will be a day like this. It means, she had been emotionally prepared to bear such risk. If not, why did she have the surgery? Maybe she will answer you, that she loved him. But there was so many ways to show love signal, why choose a hard one. I'm not being a materialistic type, but paying lot of money for pain and recovery, while a "haunting" emotional pain in the end waiting to explode. Thus, she did have it now. Human may make mistake in decision making. But why waiting 11 years? Judging from my response, you must be thinking, why I emphasize on her, and not her husband. There were so many guys on earth, why pick an old-fashioned or someone who sounded "egotistic" in "an intact for a small tissue". What about girls who were born without hymens? Does it fair? Now I emphasize on him. Does he carry a good-marriage with his "arrogant" idea of a perfect wife? Khayam, my dear friend. They have their own life. There isn't much you can offer to her now. Both sides were mended into their own perspective and valuing both were also in each right position. Besides, divorce means a full-pact emotional concern to separate either of each -or one of them. What you can do, at least, listen to her, but don't ever think giving her a clue. Which may lead many disorder and disadvantages to you, supposed she's moving "according to your plan" unsuccessfully. Neither was right, both were making decision that had lead them into their own pitfalls. So, guys.. still want to have such criteria in choosing a wife, after saw what her wife could do before marriage, with nowadays medical capability?

Well while I think the hymen issue is silly- she agreed to that 11 years ago and by that she built a relationship on a lie. Her husband now feels betrayed and I am sure he is wondering what else she has lied to him about. She let him believe she was a virgin and well she wasn't and for some cultures that is a very big deal. I think he needs to take care of his children- no matter what but she needs to give him room to decide what to do next with their relationship. I do have questions- how did he find out? Did she tell him? If so why after 11 years? Good luck to your friend and happy mylotting to you.

[i]Hi Khayam, I guess they need to sit down and talk about it, since your friend lied to her husband for 11 years, I guess she needs to apologize and the husband also needs to be open about this also, I mean they've been for 11 years and I am sure with those years, they know already how valid their love to each other[/i]!

ok i am not sure what that is, but maybe she should told him, but either way not a reason to leave her, and it's no reason for him not to be a man and not take care of his kids. i would tell her, he's not man enough or love her enough to work through it, and most of all not man enough to take care of his responablty. take him to court for support and take all his money. but i guess he ddn't really love her

yay! that's not fair.. if he truly loves his wife, he wouldn't leave her for that reason alone.. you know, they've been married for 11 years and have two wonderful kids so why he would leave his wife just like that? they should have talked about it in a nice way to patch things up.. i don't know..maybe the guy has other reasons why he left her..

it is very regreted. it is not right for a man divorce a women for that cause, and it is not right for a women to do hymen reconstructed surgery. the issue is that they don't trust each other.

A lot of guys dont care much about virginity. they have been together for 11 years and m sure they had wonderful time together. so would this become a big issue. i think the only thing that really hurts is that she didnt tell the truth. I think she should be really better off without him.

To b honest he has every right to feel disappointed, b/c she deceived him. This truly is a sad situation. I think that he should forgive her 11 years of amarriage and two kids should b the reason why. I hope that he finds it in his heart to move past his disappointment and anger and reconcile. If not I wish ur friend the best in life and all that it has to offer

I can understand his view a little. She did lie to him, and it hurts to be lied to. However, he is overracting. I would advice her to try to work it out with him. Maybe if she apologizes, he will come around and stop acting silly. However, it's really over, just advise her to always be honest.

To me, this is absolutely ridiculous. Sometimes, I wish there was no way for people to know whether or not a woman is a virgin. It is so completely insignificant in the grand scheme of things! That being said, I don't know what the specific situation was in this case. If she had consenting relations before getting married, then her actions denote a certain degree of deception, in which case I understand that her husband might feel betrayed. But since we don't know what happened, I hae to assume that there could be other reasons why her hymen wasn't intact. Some kinds of accident can cause that...or even rape that she might have been too ashamed to tell him about? I don't know, I am just speculating here, but it could be a possibility. After 11 years of marriage, I think it's a very harsh way of reacting. So I think there is something else behind it as well. One thing is for sure though, I don't care how disappointed he feels, he needs to take care of his children! They had nothing to do with this so he needs to step up and assume his responsibilities as a father.

Very shallow reason. If a man truly love the woman anything that happened in the past is none of importance. He has a good reason to file divorce if his wife had an elicit relationship within their marriage but just for reconstructed hymen? Well, anyway, your friend also has a mistake of not telling her husband before they get married that she has a reconstructed hymen so that she would know how the man react, I know some men are very particular of this things. At least if they broke up that time, they have no problem with the kids. Now, she has to accept whatever is the decision they both will come up with. What if your friend would just ask pardon from her husband for not telling the truth and then, she would bargain of what she can do to regain the trust and confidence of her husband? I don;t know what else to say. In this case i would say, your friend has a mistake and her husband is shallow.

After 11 years of marriage and 2 kids, he wanted to leave her because her hymen was artificial? Come on- I think he's just looking for an excuse! A man like this, is actually not worth crying over! If I've spent 11 years with him, loving him, taking care of him and the children - and he wanted a divorce on something so silly as that - I'd be much better off without him!

That man is such a whinny butt. I am surprised she ever did it or married such a looser. He sounds like the dark ages. Dump this guy so someone else can disappoint him...disappoint....this guy is unbelievable and has a lot of nerve to come back yrs later and cause such an uproar. Poor children to have a father like this....

that would be so devastating for your friend... i just cant understand why her husband would leave her for that matter. unless her husband has other reasons aside from that. how could he do that, especially when they have 2 kids... you were right, if the man really loves your friend, i dont think that's an issue... i feel sorry for your friend. i hope her husband would be enlightened and would be able to think sanely about what he was doing...

This is all very drastic. I do not normally say things like this, but my hymen got broke on a bicycle when I was around 10 years. I had a nasty bang with a fence. Did your friend have a past relationship to lose hers. I am sorry if this is something important in a certain religion as I do not want to offend it, but this is awful. I think you should stand by your friend. Her husband should of not left her because of this. I hope I have not offended your religion or anything. I did not have mine when I met my husband 23 years ago. Why she got it reconstructed, I do not know, but she was good and honest to tell about this. Take care. I hope you will stay close to your friend.

I think that that is a stupid reason for leaving a 11 year marriage. After being happily married for 11 years that should be of least importance; he should think of the years they've been together and the wonderful life that they had constructed. I think that he just wanted to leave and chose to use that as an excuse. If he really loved her then he could have overseen what she did and continue with there life. I think she is better off without him.