help! i don't know what advise to give.....
By jhudie916
@jhudie916 (29)
Philippines
November 21, 2008 9:53am CST
i have a guy friend who had a relationship with her girlfriend for almost 4 years. the girlfriend love him so much and embraced and accepted him whole heartedly. my guy friend developed and earned the respect of his peers because of his girlfriend's respect for him. the poor girlfriend didn't realize though that she is giving too much with my guy friend that made my guy friend over confident with himself and started fooling around with his co-employee.... so, when the girlfriend found out of this "fling relationship" she immediately broke up with him and said "enough". She suffered from emotional stress and i couldn't do anything to help her. after a week of breaking up, i found out that my guy friend and his co-employee immediately went out. surprisingly, 3 months after the break up, the co-employee was pregnant. my guy friend realized that he misses his girlfriend of 4 years BUT realizes also that he now has a responsibility. so he said that he would do the right thing..... marry the co-employee for the sake of the baby. to this date, the guy is supporting his family but he admitted to me that he needs his girlfriend and still loves her. his girlfriend still loves him though but realizes that he is already committed. they go out once in a while without his wife knowing it..... both of them are my friends and i wanted to really advise the girl to keep of him since he is already married but i am also a witness to their relationship that was so full of love.... things aren't the way they are as before..... my guy friend maybe made the wrong decision of marrying someone he doesn't love as much as his ex-girlfriend......
3 people like this
7 responses
@ag_abscruzmd (2283)
• United States
22 Nov 08
Hi! The only thing I could say is "Life is about the choices we make." Your guy friend should have thought twice or thrice (or even more) before even flirting with his co-employee. One thing led to the next, which ended in him marrying her. I feel sorry for him, though. But then he has to realize that life is also about obstacles and temptations. We are always being tested. I believe he failed the test in that aspect, but there's still time to correct things. I believe that he has to make several choices again, and that is to choose only one person. He knows what is right and wrong, and this time he has to make the right choice.
Same goes for your friend (the jilted girlfriend). She also has to make the right choice. In my opinion, your advice is good. She should stay away from him because he is already married. It is not her fault that he's with someone else. They may not be meant for each other despite the four years of being together. Maybe she needs to stop and evaluate her life. Then, she will realize the better options for her, and in the future will surely not regret the right decision that she has made for herself.
Happy myLotting!
1 person likes this
@jhudie916 (29)
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
thank you so much for that... it has been difficult for us, their friends, to advise on both parties since both of them are our friends.... but it is true life is really about the choices that we make....
@Kumaresan (450)
• Malaysia
21 Nov 08
wow... what a sad story... well, here we go again... why does the guys always do like this... i don't mean all the guys but some off them such as our friend wrote up there... they both love sincerely but suddenly there's someone came in and disturb their relationship... and the result??? breakup... it's not easy to heal a broken heart as i have experience it... it's very difficult also to gain the trust you have for another friend because it takes a long time to gain it... and once you've lose it, it's will take forever to get it back... i think the girl also did some mistake... why would the guy got for another girl even though the girl he love sincere to him? sure there would be some reason for this... both lovers have to understand what both of them needs... if one of them didn't explain properly then the end result is breakup... so next time better have a clear discussion before something goes to wrong direction... what you think guys?
1 person likes this
@jhudie916 (29)
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
being sincere is really very difficult especially when there is an OPPORTUNITY. Opportunity in a way that my guy friend grabbed because he knows that this co-employee of him likes him also....thanks for the input!!!!
@subha12 (18441)
• India
24 Nov 08
In this case your guy friend has just used his Gf the way he wanted. I think he is of the clan where the person just enjoy the company and do emotional blackmail. at the same time they just cheat the GF.Make him understand what he has done is not good and he has responsibility now.
@jhudie916 (29)
• Philippines
26 Nov 08
i think he knows that and yet he hasn't have the guts to make a decision and choose..... i even already reminded him also that karma has its ways... i guess he has to learn his lesson the hard way.... thanks!!!
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
Hi there jhudie!
Crywolf is right. The guy doesn't deserve the girl. I would suggest that you tell your friend that it's time to love and value herself. Do not settle for someone who belongs to another when she can have love that will be given to her wholly just as what she have given that jerk who is being a double jerk right now for now fooling around when he's already married.
@jhudie916 (29)
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
i agree with you.... before others love us, we should first love ourselves.... thanks for the input....
@koikoikeiji (356)
• Japan
25 Nov 08
Hi there jhudie916. You are a very nice friend to them, being worried and the supports. Well I guess thats what the guy have when they fool around, they end up in the wrong hands. But for your girl friend, she should realized that his exboyfriend have a wife now, and seeing him would only worsen the situation especially to her. If we do it the other way, does she wants her husband do that to him? I dont thinks so. She should give respect to his exboyfriend`s wife and pride to herself. Yes we know that she loves him very much, but seeing him doesnt solve any problem. She have to learn to let go. And you as a friend, bring him to place where she cant remember his exbf, and start introduce her to some guy friends, but dont ever make her date anybody yet, let her do it in her way. I guess she will be alright as long as you support her. Hope this will help. Have a nice day...........
@jhudie916 (29)
• Philippines
26 Nov 08
hi! first of all, thank you for the comment... being a friend is a responsibility and we should be a friend, as they say, for good and bad times but we should make them hear things that they don't want to hear..... i really agree with what you said! being in a different environment and having acquaintances with good people would really help a lot...... thanks for the input....
@iamfine (740)
• China
22 Nov 08
wow, if I were in your position, I also don't know how to give advise. But I think your advise is not important to them, what important is how they feel with each other and how they think is most important to them.
your boy friend think she should take responsible for his colleague and her baby, then how can he responsible her ex-girlfriend, who has been there for four years with them. four years means a lot to a girl, especialy to a girl who is in marriage age. your boy friend's establishing relation with his colleague is already an irresponsible behavior.
It is obviouly that no matter what final dicision that your boy friend will make, there's a female victim.
@jhudie916 (29)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
while indeed its true that my advise is not important to them, i feel though that it is my responsibility as a friend to morally remind them to think over their decisions.... our advises could help a lot in a person's decision making otherwise they wouldn't seek it if they believe that they don't need it.... it's such a sad thing that whatever decision he makes, there really is a female who will suffer emotionally.....hank you for the input!!!
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
21 Nov 08
BLAH He doesn't deserve he straight off. So she over-loved him you mean? What the hell is wrong with that. I'm glad she broke up with him. If my man ever cheated on me he'd be straight out the door. If you love someone so much- you wouldn't want to hurt them, and screwing someone else would OBVIOUSLY hurt them unless they say otherwise.
He's also very foolish though. You DON'T marry someone just because they're carrying your child. And he loved her like a real man, then not only would he NOT have cheated on her, but he wouldn't have also got with the other women so shortly after.
Secretly i'm worried that you're the guy and not an actual friend, but at the end of the day, he deserved to lose her, you only get one person in your life and if you ruin it- its your own fault.
If you are a friend, then you'd talk to his ex- and tell her to steer well clear of him. She's better off trying to move on in life.
@jhudie916 (29)
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
hahaha! i'm not the guy! if i were the guy i wouldn't end up in that situation.... i agree with you... and i really do hope that the girl should have moved on.... thanks for the input!!!
