Share a funny and/or witty line to help me smile...

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I'm feeling slightly blue today, so I've decided to drag out my list of funny one-liners that never fail to bring a smile to my lips. I admit I like collecting sarcastic, sharp, witty one-liners, and I was wondering if you guys have some to share that I can add to my list. Here are a few of my favorites: "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. " "If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat." "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." "Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere." "God must love stupid people. He made so many." "Some people are alive, because it is illegal to kill them." "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" and a top favorite: "Some people are like slinkies. They are pretty much worth nothing, but they still bring a smile when you push them down the stairs." Come everyone, surprise me, and make me smile...