Being Myself
By DorshaS
@DorshaS (31)
United States
November 22, 2008 4:48pm CST
Have you ever felt like some one you care about wants you to change everything you are for them, but won't change one little thing for you. I have changed how I dress, act, who I hang out with. Moved over six hundred miles away from home. And all I have asked of him is to try to quit smoking. So what does he do, smokes more. Yay! And he can't understand why I am so upset with him all the time. Am I like out of line? Should I just let it go?
6 responses
@SpikeTheLobster (6403)
•
23 Nov 08
Love is the acceptance of the other person for who and what they are - with, of course, the possibility of agreed compromise over certain things if they're difficult, dangerous or affect the relationship badly. Love is giving, not demanding. If he wants you to change into someone else, then he's with the wrong person and so are you, by extension. Either he loves you for yourself or he's not worth the effort.
2 people like this
@SpikeTheLobster (6403)
•
23 Nov 08
What does your way of dressing have to do with anything? If they don't like it, they can close their eyes (or open their minds a little...). :)
1 person likes this
@DorshaS (31)
• United States
23 Nov 08
Thats how I feel. But he is worried that if the other Marine wives don't like me, that it will make it hard to go out with them and such. And I am pretty sure that we are all adults. That if they dislike something as little as my fashion, they can look the other way on that and fake a smile once a week. I really have a hard time believing that they will really say "we don't want to hang out with Kyle because his wife doesn't dress like us."
@DorshaS (31)
• United States
23 Nov 08
I think he is just worried about what his Marine friends are going to think of me, because all his Marine buddies are married to girls who wear like name brand everything.. super nice dressed... I am not like that.. And I think he's afraid they are going to give me the cold shoulder.
@Kmarie923 (875)
• United States
22 Nov 08
I don't think you are out of line. You should let him know how much you have changed for you. I have gone through a similar experience. I skipped out on college and moved about 50 miles away from home to live with my boyfriend. It took a while, but he did eventually quit smoking for me because I didn't like it.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
23 Nov 08
Only the person with the bad habit can stop it, Your choice is to determine how much you are willing to put up with. This can change from day to day so take your time, but don't wait until you've made yourself sick. Good Luck
@mindym (978)
• United States
23 Nov 08
If you want change, you should change for yourself, not anyone else. As stated in one of the other responses, he should accept you for who you are, not who he wants you to be.
@LadyTrinity (52)
• United States
22 Nov 08
No, you are definitely not out of line. Honestly,relationships are about compromise, but if someone cant come to a fair compromise, or wants you to change who you are, its not worth it. I can rant on for hours about this, but I'll make it short and sweet:
its better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you're not.
1 person likes this
@DorshaS (31)
• United States
22 Nov 08
Well I even said something to him. I was like "after I have the baby I want to go back to how it use to be. I want to dress like I want to and not like *looked down* this. I want to actually see the ones I am close to. I am not asking you to like them as well, but don't make me miserable because you don't see what I see in someone. I want to move home as soon as possible, because I realize why we are here, but any longer and I think I am just going to go back home a little early."
@soshono1925 (74)
• Philippines
1 Dec 08
in love and relationship it is not how you will change a person for better or worse, It is accepting a person for who or what she is, accepting not only what is good or nice but learning to love even the worst attitude that person has.
