Need some advice from other Moms?

This is very common at this age, when you are around in the same room where your child can see you then she knows that she is safe, my son did this at that age. What it is that they feel that if you leave a room they think that they can't be happy. What you could do to help the sitution is put her on the floor and give her tons of noisy toys so that if you need to go to another room for a couple minutes she will have toys to keep her content and if she cries, don't do anything for about 2-5 minutes, because by the end of this time she might relize that mommy wont pick her up and she will then keep her self busy by playing with the toys. We did this with our son that is now two and is now doing it with our 6 month old because he is the same way. After a few times of them crying to long I will get on the floor for a few minutes to show them that they can be happy playing with the toys and get up to finish my house duties. This will only go on for a short while, just be paitent, if you need to you could always go to a room to take a breather and then go back to the room she is in and try to get her to be happy without needing you in the room. I hope this helps. Happy Mylotting

Sometime we know the best ways of braking habits, what we need is enough courage to do it, my daughter used to be the same, and shame she couldnt be picked up by anyone else but me! then up to a year old she kept on doing it, so one day I had enough and I left her cry her eyes out, she got picked up only when I had finished my chores, then next time she done the same, again I let her cry until she saw that I was ready to spend time with her, with time she got used to it, she even forgot why she was crying in the first time because she got distracted by the cartoons on tv or the toys by her side. Its all about being consistent and patiente, now shes 3 and such a little independant madam, she does many things on her own and potty training is over!, she is still very attached to me but she likes being able to make her own choices and mistakes. Or at least that what she thinks for now...

Gongrats on tyour baby getting so healthy. Your not ab bad mommy if you let her cry. And yes you can spoil a one year old. It is very difficult to have our babies cry like you described but at the same time she needs to learn that she doesn't need you to pick her up all the time. Believe it or noot she is learning to manipulate you. Yes they can do it at that age. They just don't know all the reasoning for it but she know that If I scream loud enough mommy will jump. Be strong for bouth your's and her sake.

Finally I turned my attention to the very beginning days of your daughter. There were 108 days she's been apart from you and your husband since she was born, right? Man was born to be care, for he/she had no ability to take care of himself/herself. And, according to the discovery of modren psychology, infant smaller than 1 year had no concept of 'ego', that is to say, he still unable to distinguish himself from the world. He assumes that the world always serves him. This forms the basic self-esteem and self-love, which is to further foundation of trusting and loving others. Therefore, she is indeed attracting your attention. So, keep an eye on what she need. I don't mean to let you spoil her. Love is the best food of a child. In the end, I also advise you to read the books written by Maria Montessori. The techniques to teach child can be forgotten, but the remaining attentions should be attached to the thoughts and concpets inside the book.

It is normal for children to start to experience separation anxiety around this age. It does not mean she is spoiled, but picking her up all the time may lead to her crying more for attention and to be held. Instead, try to ease her into being away from you for a few minutes at a time. When you leave the room and she starts to scream, peek your head back in and say 'peekaboo.' Then go out of the room for a short period of time- a minute or two. Reassure her that you are coming right back. Talk to her or sing even while you are out of the room. As she gets comfortable with that, gradually increase the amount of time you leave her. At the same time, you should be offering her plenty of opportunities to entertain herself. Even if you are in the room, give her some toys to play with on the floor and let her play while you do something else. When she fusses, don't rush to her, give her to chance to work things out on her own. I know it is hard to let her cry, but a minute or two is not bad for her. And of course you probably can tell the difference between her being a little fussy and crying because something is seriously wrong. Soon she will be mobile, so she will likely follow you crying to be picked up if you get her used to that now. Just take it slow, and she will learn to trust that you'll come right back and that she'll be fine for a few minutes.

That is completly normal... it is alla bout sepertaion anxity. many kids ( not just premiees) go through is, and again around 15 months to 2 and so on. Helping to reassue her start singing to her. playing peek a boo helps kis birth to five years in many way at different developmental stages. so play it many times a day. it teaches what we call perminacy (things /people aret really gone just because you cannot see them) try singing a made up silly song with her name in it.. then go around the corner and pop out and say peek a boo!!! when ever you leave say mommy will be right back, and then when you come back say here I am, see moomy always come back.... just try and comfort her and know this will pass. if you get up set, frustrated or angry it might take longer. Picking her up when she is screaming is helping reassuer her you will always comfort her. but first try and make her laugh to see if she will learn that it is ok for you to walk away it takes time. be patient. you will both be fine. Kids need constant reassurance from birth to about 5 that mommies always come back. it is developmental and quite natrual.

Your daughter is putting you to a test. And looks like you're failing it and she's winning it. You're right in saying 'picking her up makes me wondering if I'm conditioning her for the screaming'. So, if I were you, the next time she screams I will ignore her. Anyway, she will stop when she's tired. Just make sure that she's safe before you leave her alone.

I have a 9 month old that is doing that She screams if she is blocked in a room away from us We have talked to dr and others they say this is very normal and they are loking for reasurrance is all They are going thru a separation anxiety which shows normal deveolment for babies I was told the best thing to do is to let her sta where she can be by me as long as she is safe So when I do dishes she sits in her chair by the sink I sit on the floor and fold laundry and sometimes we play peek a boo as we fold them Best thing to do is to enjoy them now soon she wont want you to pick her up

I'm so very sorry you had to go through such an experience KMNash. There's nothing wrong with what you have been doing at all which is being a supportive mother while your child is getting nursed to good health. The unfortunite thing is that the situation turned from being a need to be there for your child and she knew that you would never let her down.... to now this is a game. It's very difficult to fix this because that is what she's use to and habits are very hard to break. This is obviously bothering you and making you feel like a failure but I want to know that it's a part of motherhood and there are a lot of times when you're going to find that kids are very good at manipulating parents without even realizing they are doing it. My son is really great at that. It's better to start teaching your daughter now that you can leave the room and let her cry it out rather than when she reaches an older age. Hope this helps Good luck

My son was born two full months premie. I went thru a similar period like this with him. He wanted my undivided attention. Basically...I gave it to him. I had a lot of sleepless nights holding him, comforting him, doing whatever made him quiet and happy. When I returned to work, I made sure I left him in the care of someone who would give him that same amount of attention which was a daycare part-time and his grandmother the rest of the time. He eventually grew out of it, although I really can't remember what age he was. I guess it lasted two or three months. I think it is such a blessing when they survive such difficult beginnings, give them what they want. We have no idea what is going on inside of them and the only way they have to communicate to us is thru crying.

wow!! that was tough. i too had the same experience but more vital. i lost my daughter after taking care of her for a year and a half. i think the reason why your daughter screams whenever she can't see you is because she just wanted to be pampered or you pampered her too much. as everybody else's knew that too much of something is basd enough. try to check with your pedia too, he/she might have suggestions that can help your baby overcome the problem. or another maybe for her changing of moods, and to the teething part. my kids used to cry endlessly when they are in that stage. crying is not bad, and not a failure on your part as a mother, since it makes her exercise her vocal chords. which will end up giving her a promising career in singing in the future. im just joking in the last part though..lol...

hello KMNash, i think she is crying because she is teething. babies are in pain when they are teething so just go purchase baby orajel for her gums or a pain reliever. that should do the trick. take care and be patient with her. a mother of five

I am a mom of a 3 YO, so 'this' is still fresh in my mind! My son put me thru this too... I learned to compromise with him. First, no baby can be spoiled in the affection area! No matter how old, always show them love. It's the showing that determines whether you have a monster or a nice child. (I know that sounds harsh, but I don't mean it that way!) Second, yes, you are conditioning her; if she screams, you pick her up. There's no other way to say this. You are showing her - if you do this, I will do this. So, my advise is this; when she screams, first make sure she's not hurt, wet, hungry. If she's all set in these areas, she's FINE. Try putting her down, in her crib and saying "good bye, see you in a little bit, I'll be right back" whatever. Then leave. If she screams, poke your head in and say, "what's the matter?" If she's okay, settle her and leave again. If she screams again, call to her, without her seeing you, "you okay baby?, Mommy's right here." The point is to show her, if it's a seperation thing, that you're right there. If it's a test, that you're there for her when she really needs you.

First off, I have to say that I am SOOO glad that she's doing well & is healthy after being born soo early!! When my girls were about 7-9 months (I have 2 yr old twin daughters) they tried that w/ me for a bit. I had always picked them up when they cried, but there had always been a reason. I think they were just testing me to see how much attention they could get. Not that giving attention is bad, it's not at all! But dr's say after 6 months or so a child can be 'spoiled' (for lack of a better word) they can be 'conditioned' that whenever they cry you come and pick them up, even if they don't need anything, especially when you're trying to get a child to go to sleep. I'd say during the day if she does the scream for no reason thing, make sure there is not reason and that of course she is getting plenty of love and attention, which I assume that she is, walk away from her for a few minutes, let her figure out how to calm herself down. If she does it at bed time, check on her every 5-10 minutes but let her cry herself to sleep. As long as she doesn't need anything, she's ok. She needs to learn how to self sooth and put herself to sleep, which will also come in handy when she wakes up in the night (not needing anything of course) then she'll b able to soothe herself to sleep. Of course, this is just my advice, each parent has a different way of parenting and each child reacts differently. My girls have been sleeping through the night since they were 6 weeks old and quit the crying game after about 2 weeks or so. Good luck!!

I don't know what other moms think or what pedia-doctors will say, but I think that you can never give too much affection and attention to your baby. I think its ok for a baby to be spoiled with love and care, you can explain things to her when she is much older and able to understand. I don't hold back on giving all the love that I can to my boys, at the age of 5 and 3, I sometimes still carry them when they ask me to, even when it feels like I am carrying a whole sack of rice. I want to be able to establish to them at their young age, that my love for them is unconditional and that I will always be there for them no matter what. If your baby screams to get your attention, then I believe that is what she needs.

Hi, I am a mother of 2 kids who are now 16 and 17 years old...and I can say, I have raised to very good children. Screaming babies doesnt mean failure mommies...and screaming babies doesnt mean they are sick babies (except if they really feel something iswrong)...congratulations for your baby's recovery. You were part of that recovery. You were a wonderful mom at that. Screaming babies are babies trying to find out what is the best way to catch attention, if you give in...then the baby realizes that it was a good way to attract attention after all and will be doing the same thing as long as you continue to give in.Remember,crying and screaming are the only language they have at this time. It is but of pure heart that parents would want to spoild their children...who wouldnt want to give the best for their children,especially if the child has gone through a lot...In order for you to gauge the depth of spoiling,always assess actions like,will this action be beneficial to my child?to us parents?will it help my child grow up to be a good person?...through reflections, you will be guided on how to deal with a child. My children never screamed for anything...I am very glad for it, this is maybe becuase they always feel secure. When I was taking up my graduate studies and I had to leave them, I saw to it that they will be with familiar people so they will not feel scared. When I needed to leave them, I saw to it that I left them happy and secured so they will not feel that my absence will make them feel bad. I never left them with me hididng and i will just disappear...they will make connections that when I disappear it means they will not see me for a long while. I made it a point that when I leave, I say goodbye...then when I return, it would mean playing and loving each other time.