brain activity

I only seem to need about five or six hours of sleep anymore. No matter how late I stay up I'm awake again by 6 am. That's not because I've always got up at that time either because when I worked a public job it was usually the graveyard shift or at the very least second shift so I was never used to getting up in the morning. I have been diagnosed as bipolar. Actually that was when they were still calling it manic depressive. I didn't mind the manic stages. I could really get a lot done then. But it seems to have been a long time since I had a good manic episode. I saw a psychiatrist once, but I will probably never willingly go see another one. He had some strong suggestions for changes that I should make in my life, that I felt were totally inappropriate. That's another story, however. I think you hit the nail on the head though. I hadn't really thought that my bipolar disorder would have anything to do with not being able to escape my own thoughts. It just goes to show that no matter how smart you think you are, someone else can often point out errors in your thinking. Thanks for the great post.

That sounds like some pretty good advice. I was actually on medication once, and I have to admit that it was a life saver. At that time my life was spinning out of control and I found a medical doctor that was wise and understanding.

I would strongly suggest seeing a different psychiatrist that is more willing to work with you. There often like shoes, you hate most of them but you gotta find the one pair you like. I'm also bipolar so I know what it is like. I personally think your getting a "mixed episode". It shows signs of both manic and depression. The manic side would be racing thoughts and the depression could be causing excessive worrying or low mood. I'm no psychiatrist, therapist, etc.. I just have spent way too much time around them because being bipolar myself. You would probably benefit from medications, this doesn't mean you'll be on them forever. It also means you can tell your psychiatrist I dont want therapy. If they arent fine with it find one that is. I personally do both because I think I need it but the medications are the biggest factor in my life, it either makes or breaks me. Without them I dont think I'd be alive. Well I hope that you will decide to get some treatment, I know its not easy but if your life sucks do something about it dont wallow in your own crap too long you start to stink.

I wish that was a skill I could learn. Believe me I've tried. My thoughts just absolutely defy collecting. Maybe I'll give it another try although it would probably be better if I did it in the morning instead of the evening because when the grandkids get home from school it is way too chaotic around here for introspection.

Actually you can do it anytime, at your own convenient time. I've attended this Brahma Kumaris meditation course where they don't encourage closing the eyes when meditating. All you do is open the eyes wide and focus on one object in front while emptying the mind and just remind us that we are a peaceful soul and our body is only a case where our soul reside. During the meditation visualize your soul as a tiny dot in the forehead and act on the soul. When I do it I listen to the instruction in the CD how to be in connection with our soul. This is interesting as I feel it makes us lighter and more focus in our daily activities when we practice meditation. Brahma kumaris is a free course for everybody and is conducted internationally. You can check that out in the net whether they have it in your place. It is for all religions.

I used to drink a lot of coffee but for the last few years I have not wanted it very much. I'm not even drinking a cup a day any more. I do drink a lot of pop but I don't drink the ones with caffeine.

This is probably why I have headaches every day, too.

You are right that starting the day out worrying is detrimental. It doesn't cause me to mess up because of being in a rush though. Instead it keeps me from accomplishing anything because I'm too busy worrying about what I should be doing instead of doing it. I think they call that procrastination.

My brain in hyperactive, that's for sure. My kids are always telling me to stop worrying. For the most part I know they are right but I find it impossible to do. At least, while I can be actively involved in other things like these discussions I can quiet the noise of worrying.

Well, I could really get deep on this comment but I will try to be understandable. In principle what you have said is true, however there are exceptions to all things. There are some people who do wrong, even horrific things, that doesn't cause them any pain. I am talking about those people who have made their consciences numb. A conscience has to be trained.