Is it my fault?

No it is not your fault. It was never your fault that he was a complete jerk. My son's Father now also is trying to get in touch with his son. My son won't have anything to do with him. He won't take his phone call's or nothing. I asked him what do you want me to tell him. He told me to tell him where were you when he had to have surgery? where were you when he needed to learn how to play catch or learn how to ride a bike. He said am I mad no. I was mad I was hurt. You no longer can hurt me or make me mad. He said tell him I have a Dad and it is you Mom. I cried and hugged him. He told me I was the best Father he ever could of asked for. I taught him football. I did it all. So I told his Father this. He told me you make him talk to me and tried to yell at me. I told him I no longer have to talk to you as your son is 18 and you want to talk to him good luck. Grace it was never your fault. Talk to your Mom and tell her how you felt and how you feel now. Talk to your friends as they know you better then me. But I would say talk to you Mom let her know. That you felt lost and not all there without him and now if he call's fine if not fine. Your friend onlydia

My Dear Grace no it is not your fault. It was never your fault that your Father took it upon himself to be a self centered man. So no it was never your fault. You were a child and he was a grown man. He was the parent not you. My son's Father looked him up after he turned 18 and wanted to talk he did for a couple of months and now he won't talk to him. He called me to tell me to make him. I talked to my son and he said no. I said to him what do you want me to tell him? He said you tell him I already have a Father you Mom. I cried as he went on to say you tell him where were you when I had surgey? where were you when I learned to ride a bike? where were you when I learned to play football? I can tell you he told me not there. He went on to say I was the best Father he ever had. And now that he got to see and talk to his Father he no longer wanted him back in his life. I know it is sad but it is true. He didn't need him to feel hole or complete. Tell your Mom and tell why you had to look him up. She mite cry but she will understand after all he is your Father by blood as my son now puts it. God bless and goodluck Grace talk to your friends as I don't know you the way they do. But yes talk to your Mom as well. Your friend onlydia

i think it would be two way process, not just you but also him, but just think your dad is quite old now, so make the effort more rather than him, you just dont know how he longed for you after a long time, maybe he has his reasons why he left you and your mother before, try communicating more into him, before its too late!! happy lotting sis!!!CHEERS!!

Hello grace! Maybe you're father is still ashamed on what he did to your mom and for leaving you. Although I know it's not your fault because you have done your part too by finding him and meeting him last year, you should not feel angry to him. He is still your father no matter what.

How could it be your fault? My pal. According to your description, your father abandoned you and your mother when you were a three years kid 30 years ago. It's hard to raise a kid for a single mother. 30 yeras later, you received message from your father blaming you not keep in touch with him, what a nonsense.

welll i thnk u shud talk to him... forget abt whoose mistake it is. jus go for it. Dont wait for anythng to happen by itself.

Hi Grace. It's a very personal question and a very emotional one. Its about your father, a person you love the most in this world. Should you think so much before taking a decision. What does your heart say? You tried to reach out to him once. You can do that again.If your family gets reunited, the happiness that you'll gain is worth the effort that you are putting in now.

Hi there Grace030174 He should definatly be the one making the effort. You were the one that tracked him down and everything and now it is his turn to prove to you that he wants you in his life. I stopped speaking to my day for 16 odd years. We started speaking again this year and things were great to start with but now he thinks that I am the one that should always phone him to see how he is! He is like this with my two brothers too so it is not something he does with just me! Leave the ball in your father's court. It sounds like you did pretty well without him before you found him and you will do so again if needs be. I always think to myself that if my father chose to make an exit from my life I would be no poorer I am certainly no richer for having him in my life so it doesn't make any difference to me if he is in it or out just have to buy extra Christmas presents now!! LOL

Dear friend , I can understand your situation. As you said a family is not complete with your parents. But consider the feelings of your mom too. She is the one who brought you up and she have the right to guide you whether you should meet your father after this many long time.

like i tell my family. THE PHONE WORKS BOTH WAYS!! i can't stand when they send an email that complains about me not calling in a while. well excuse me for having a life. the phone, computer, post office.....works both ways.

well you haven't mentioned the fact of your father leaving you. we cant discuss it whether its your fault or his...

Cheer up Grace, no reason to feel bad at all. I think you done well enough on your part. You're right, your dad should be the one reaching out for you. That's the least he could do considering he abandoned you at a very young age. Nevertheless, You made the right decision seeking him. And I'm sure your mom would'nt mind if you really wanna meet your dad. That's a noble thing you did, so stop blaming yourself ok?