Long Distance Relationships - can they stand the test of time?
@RavenFireMaiden (36)
Canada
November 25, 2008 12:41pm CST
I have been with my man for about 2 years now, and he is in the Army in the states and i am in Canada. We got to see eachother alot when he was stationed near the border, but now he is 3000 miles away from me, and will be for the next 4 years. He wants to marry me, and i definitely want to marry him. He wants me to move to be with him, but i cant because i have my pets and cant move my pets from Canada to the States, and i also dont want to put them through the stress of flying. And i am scared to move somewhere strange because if he gets deployed for a year im alone in a strange land for a year. Am i being unreasonable? I told him this, and said that i cant give up my pets, i didnt get them just to dump them. He understands that, and he knows that they are part of who i am, so he said that we would find a way to work it out. But im worried that he might find my responsibilities tiresome, and get annoyed with me. I would get annoyed with me lol But then i think, he has his responsibilities (to the Army) and i would never ask him to give them up for me (even though i wouldnt mind, i like having him with me and in one piece)
He says that he is willing to come and live in Canada, but thats only when he is out of the Army, which could be anywhere between 2 to 8 years.
Sometimes i think i read too many romance novels as a teen, because i always thought of love as something you would sacrifice anything for, die for. I love him more that i thought i would love anyone and I would die for him, but for some reason i cant give up my cats and the comfort of having my family close by. Am i crazy? Do i have my priorities all messed up? I would like some unbiased opinions on my situation, thanks :)
8 responses
@employmentdep (126)
• United States
26 Nov 08
Well I think that true love is made out of many lessons,problems and sacrifice besides tenderness and considering,if you and your partner have suffered these kind of things and have come through them without being hurt,that means that you both feel true love.Distance is a great obstacle in many relationships,but I think that it's just a lifestyle,when you really love someone you have to learn to live with it's job,family and behaviors.Both priorities are important and have to be listened,but in this case someone has to sacrifice more,and just try to have the time of their life when their together,and when their alone they should just try to find other activities that would keep them busy but at the same time will contribute someting for their life.
@RavenFireMaiden (36)
• Canada
26 Nov 08
Well i see what you mean but at the same time, i am not prepared to give up my entire life to go somewhere to most likely be alone. I think he and i have to both sacrifice something, because it feels like it might be me that does all the sacrificing. My animals are a very important to me, and a huge part of who i am. To ask me to leave them behind would be to ask me to leave part of myself behind. He understands that thankfully, and i think fell in love with me for my big heart and loving nature.
We are going to have to work something out, he and i, that allows to both to be happy.
Thanks very much for your reply!
@nicelook26 (20)
• Philippines
26 Nov 08
well if you truly love someone you have to sacrifice everything. Think about it. time is running. you have to set your priorities what is the most important to you. good luck
@arthamandiri (197)
• Indonesia
26 Nov 08
i don't agree, because love mean you can accept not to scarifice everything we have. Time can make love stronger or even weaker, depend on how we see love.
@trillan_20 (183)
• Canada
26 Nov 08
I dont think that you are being unreasonable at all. I give you credit for being with him for 2 years with the kind of work that he does. I'm not one for change, moving out of Canada would be completely out of the question for me. I have to be near my family. I think that you being honest with him about it and him understanding where you are coming from says a lot about your relationship. I think that most men would just wash their hands clean of it all and start over with someone that would be willing to go along with him. The fact that he is saying that you guys will work something out tells me that he is a good man and he loves you enough to stick it out until opportunity arrises for the both of you. If he was going to be stationed in the same place for the next four years then I would tell you to move there and give it a try, but if there is a good chance of him being deployed somewhere else for a year at a time then you will be back to square one and having a long distance realtionship again anyway, you may as well do it from Canada where you have friends and family to lean on. True love always finds its way back. You guys will figure something out and live happily ever after just like your romance novels!
@RavenFireMaiden (36)
• Canada
26 Nov 08
Thank you for your comment! you seem to think along the same lines as i do! Oh, i know i will be with this man for the rest of my life, i just wish circumstances were different and i could be with him more! Luckily we both realize that we have found something special in the other and are not willing to let it go. Thanks for your reply and good wishes! :)
@informations (5)
• China
26 Nov 08
In my opinion,the pets should not be an obstacle between you and him since true love always exists.it is necessary to someone to sacrifice for feeling in some extent.i think you can wait for him for 3 years or so and too long separation is not a good suggestions.
@employmentdep (126)
• United States
26 Nov 08
i think you have to travel with your pets if you want or someone of family can help you with them .if you really love that man you have to be with him no matter the distance or animal ,i think that is most important for you your pets and don`t really love that man.i divise yoy to travel and get married with him.
@arthamandiri (197)
• Indonesia
26 Nov 08
From my experience, long disance relationships can't stand long, because what ever our try to keep the relationship, some one may be attract by another person.
@celestos (814)
• United States
25 Nov 08
I think if you really love this guy then finding a way to be with him is neccessary.I understand being in a strange place. I moved fom my home of twelve years to be with the guy I am with now and I do not regret it.I gave up alot to be here and it was worth it for me.As for your animals I think they could handle a trip to the states. I understand your fear of being alone for a year but I believe if you were to get married that they have ways you can still be together and who knows once you are together he may very well decide to give up the Army early if possible. My only bit of advice is if you know you will be happy then do not hesitate.We do not get many chances to be happy and in love and if you know you can be both I say go for it.Much luck in your choices and I wish you all the happiness.
@nimnim74 (250)
• Philippines
26 Nov 08
Just set your priorities in life which among them comes first ans who among them gives you happiness for a lifetime. I've been to a long distance relationship and I'm so tired of it already so I gave up everything and ask myself who or what makes me happy. Nobody would understand my decision either when I chooses to be with my husband almost everybody accuses me of being so dumb. this is our situation we are far from each other for 3 years because he works in Saudi with 3 years contract and me here left in the Philippines we we're just together for 1 year then I work in Calgary, Alberta and he left at home alone but this time would be much difficult to work it out rather than the first separation in Saudi, as you can see our country is very poor than having a good life in your country but I decided to go home. i don't have any regrets because this is my first priority in life and this is where my happiness is together with my husband.
In your part you just have to decide it and set your priorities without getting any regrets someday.
