Any firm thoughts....
By jordan04n
@jordan04n (463)
United States
December 4, 2008 10:13pm CST
Any firm thoughts about about grandparents being kept away from their grandchildren? It has been 7+ yrs now and how much longer should I respect our daughters wishes for no good reason? The younger 2 children don't even know us. ..The 18 yr old granddaughter is now giving birth to my 1st grandchild and here I sit keeping the peace and staying away from the hospital so daughter and granddaughter have no lifts...I keep peace at all cost...yet, in the end what has the cost been...I am shocked at daughter's long standing horrible attitude...family members even accomodiate her by seing us seperate and now they are tried of her foolishneess....Should I ever stand up for what I really think is right or just keep peace at all cost....all cost could be costly...where eternity is concerned....the gchildren have suffered....What should I do? HELP
1 person likes this
2 responses
@Ind3p3nd3nt (182)
• United States
5 Dec 08
This is a very real situation that I hate to say that I, myself, have been a part of. My mom and grandmother were on the outs for 8 1/2 years before my mom finally let go of the grudge and decided to move on from it. They still aren't the closest, but there has definietly been some growth on both parts. Unfortunately, that's about all the advice I can give you on the matter. Without knowing the situation or either party personally, all I can say is it's going to require growth and maturity from the party that chooses to stay away. There's really not much else you can do...you can try and force your way into their lives, but how long can that really last?
And you're completely right. The children do suffer. I was very close with my grandmother before this whole thing started back in '98. Because I was only like 13 or 14 at the time, I basically had to follow my mom's orders, so I was around 22 years old and graduated from college the first time I saw or even talked to my grandmother again. By that time, so much had been said and done, that there was no way for us to get back what we once had, and to this day I am no longer close with her.
It sucks, and it is extremely unfortunate that you, or anyone else, has to endure this. Sorry I couldn't be of more help to you, and I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
@abbey19 (3106)
• Gold Coast, Australia
5 Dec 08
I know exactly how you are feeling jordan, because I am in the same situation. We had an argument with our son 5 months ago, and since then, he stopped us seeing our granddaughter who we used to look after 2 days a week. We still don't know why, and that's the hardest thing to cope with.
Since then they have had another baby but he didn't call to let us know; we found out through someone else 3 weeks after the birth that they had a boy.
I tried calling him, but he won't talk to me or his father, so we have kept away like you, trying to keep the peace.
The trouble is, it's the children who are missing out here through no fault of their own. Our 2 grandchildren will grow up not knowing that we exist. We keep hoping and praying that our son will call us when he is ready to talk.
I can offer you no other suggestion to this heartbreaking predicament; I just wanted you to know that there are probably many other grandparents in this situation, tearing their hair out wondering what to do about it.
My heart goes out to you my friend.
@jordan04n (463)
• United States
6 Dec 08
This all came to light again to glare us in the face when out granddaughter turned 18 and wanted a relationship with us so we were willing of course to see her and have one. I did tell here not to lie to her mom about anything concerning us . She just now had our 1st ggrandchild and has also gotten close to our 26 yr old daughter...at her request O went to the hospital on the 2nd day and waited in the waiting room til her mom visited ($HR0 so i wouldn't be faced with a confrontation with daughter....she is not a happy person and the ugly things she says for nno reason are bizzar. She treat her x in laws the same....no unpolite with no manners and bossy...she hates figures even her husband now has no handle on her...I visited for 1 hr which was fine. I'm not a picky person and I told gdaughter that I would keep the peace at all cost and nothing could upset me so for her not to worry the baby abf her were the most imprrtand thing. To just put it all out of her head. The younger 2 gchildren don't know us at all and she was bringing then up that afternoon but I had to leave and demanded it, I was shocked..it is her was at the expense of everyone. Of course I left. She must be so unhappy inside her heart to treat others this way. I am sure she will take it to her grave. As for us we have appoligized for everything we could think of she doesn't accept the appolegise. She involves other family members...she associates with no family member that associates with us. It all startted because we told the truth about why we didn't want out teenage daughter to be around her husband constantly. He runs around, is a womanizer and touches inappropriately...other family has seen the same thing. I aonly want to protect my my child. It causted me a daughter. Guess if I had it to do over I's do it again...I put my teenage daughter first yet, I am all she has.
1 person likes this
