i miss my father so much since he died

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not only since he died that i miss him, i also miss him after taking care of my two sons when my husband and nannies were not available. he was the guy who takes care of everything. He was a funny guy, he is almost everything to me. the last few days i had with my father, made me feel guilty. i wasnt able to force him to have a follow up check up, though everyday we check our sugar together, i wasnt able to buy an equipment to check his blood pressure everyday, though he was always with me when i had to go to the clinic and i always ask the nurse to get his blood pressure.i bought his meds making sure he is ok. but all my efforts seemed useless when he died. my father died of stroke, a vein erupted and it was so fast like a lava from an erupting volcano which left his brain so damaged. i guess God really wanted him that moment, coz if He still wanted my father to live, then it could have been a different situation. i still could not accept his sudden death until now. i ask friends to help me with unburdening my feelings of depression.but the hurt is within, only myself could help me. but i would need your prayers. GOdbless