What would you do if you were in my shoes?

hi.. be calm and have a healthy discussion about this with your boyfriend and his mom together... see how they react to what you are feeling... and after that if nothing changes.. accept things how they are.. i dont think then you should interfere in their relationship.. tc..

I hear warning bell with this one! I am not judging him, because I don't know him personally, but I would be a little worried that when you and he live together on your own he will expect you to take over from his mom and that would not be fair to you. I would talk to him about it although it appears you already have done so. I would make it very clear that I would not be his "mom" once alone with him. I hope things work out for you as you have been together a long time. Talk to him and keep talking until he "gets it".

Mom is definitely enabling him and encouraging him to stay dependent on her. If I were you, I'd put my foot down and insist that he go out and get a job and begin saving for a place of your own. At 25, he should be having more ambition than what he has it seems. I'm sure it is difficult right now with the broken ankle but that won't last forever. Mom is not going to be around forever and if you don't do something now to end the pattern here, you could easily find yourself being the next enabler. I supported my first husband who never seemed to be able to find a job. It got old rather quick and especially after our daughter was born. He also did not help with the care of her. His mom is enabling him but he is not blameless here either. He is 25 and it is time for him to stand up and cut the strings.

Pls try and talk to him since he is growing up and the mum needs to allow him to do his own stuff

I heard a lot of mama boy's and that the mom has something wrong with it. But in my opinion every one has the right to choose either. sometimes too much love can lead in different direction. Im sure your boyfriend will not do things that might hurt his moms feeling, specially you guys leave-in, in thier house and that might be something that his mom is happy doing everything for his son out of love. You ask if that help him? of course not, he probably grow more with your help if you guys step up and have a place you called your own perhaps rent for a while to be more responsible if that would not be a problem in terms of financial that would be a choice but if not then, just keep encouraging him to be more responsible.

well first of all i think that he needs to grow up and the only way to do it is to move out the house where the parents doesn't live. ask him if he want to be independent and live a life that he will starts his own decisions.

I'm kind of curious...was his mom like this before you moved in or only after? His mom may actually feel a tad jealous of you for taking her "little" boy away from her and may be showing more over protectiveness toward him. Yet, unfortunately he doesn't seem to be rebelling but might like the attention. The only thing I can think of, if this is truly a serious relationship between the two of you, is to somehow find the means to move out and get away from her clutches. It really sounds like a case that his mother doesn't want him to grow up...does he seem "mature" otherwise???

hi,friend! i advise u to do is to have a frank talk with your boyfriend..ask him why he wants his mom to help him do stuff and if he doesn't mean to , maybe he could also have a talk with his mom if his mom insists on helping him..of course, we all know this is a way of loving his son for his mom rather than hurt him..but he seems to be a little spoiled or a momma's boy..i am at almost the same age of your boyfriend but when i came back home i will do everything by myself rather than accept my mom's help like a little kid...but if your boyfriend tends to be independent when he stays with u alone, that's ok..you won't worry about him any longer..

Is he the only son? A single child? Then i think its bound to happen. Moms always overprotect their boys. Happens with me too. I think you need to talk to his mom, and explain things to her that hes grown up. I mean its obvious they are our parents, how much ever we grow up, we will always be kids for them . I think you better talk to his mom and explain that he needs to grow up and do his things himself.

maybe becuase of his mom she never let his boy grow up and things on his own...i think when you will be together he will parobably learn to stand on his own feet...her mother is too much protective. talk to him about the situation and ask him this way "if we will be together can you stand on your own feet or you will still depend on your mother?" try to ask, maybe then he will realize that it is not good to depend on our parents always we need to learn on our own... happy posting...

i think its so awkward to see a 25y/o guy still being baby sit by her mom. you need to talk to your bf if you really loved him. tell him to be out of her moms way of treating him because he will not be able to go on his own. don't be so dependent on what her mom can do for him. because he will not be able to do other things if he will live it to her mom to do it.tell him to be self reliant. tell him to insist to her mom to do things on his own because her mom will not be there if the two of you get married. i know its hard for a mother to let go of their son as it grows to be with someone else other than her. God bless you and your bf.

mhmmm, hes not dependent on his mother, if so, daz kinda sad... but like if i were u tlk 2 ur bf n b like ur a man wit a dik n grown ballz i hope so n like i want a man whos gunna help me not me help u like all da time lolz i have had a broken ankle no1 ever helped me lolz my mom didnt even kno i had one now daz sad. but like.... u shud tlk 2 him n b like wen were out 2gether alone in da future will u need ur mom 2 help u? cuz if u cant take care of urself how will u take care of me...personally i kinda think hes lazy jus my honest opinion lolz he only coox if hes hungry and y is everything bout him in da environment? lolz does his mom like do da same stuff 4 u? idk lolz but like i think u shud like tease him or idk... lolz 2 motivate him n all but idkkk rly lolz g2g n gud luck pce.

Hi Thumper. I hope you don't mind my interjection here. :) Us moms have this thing that we do. When our kids are sick or injured, no matter how old they are, we take care of them. Why? Because we want our kids to heal as quickly as possible and it's also our way of comforting our kids. There is nothing in this world that will ever get rid of that maternal instinct for us. Nothing. The more important question would be why does it bother you so much that his mom is taking care of him? Us women have our own nurturing instincts towards those we love. We tend to see someone else nurturing our boyfriends and husbands as a threat to the family, subconsciously. That's not a dig or an insult but it is basic human nature. Is it possible that on some level you feel as though you are competing with his mother? It's okay if you do. You certainly would NOT be the first woman on the face of the earth that felt like she had to compete with the in law for the spouses attention! The key thing though is to realize that this is the case, and just stop competing. Nobody can ever win against momma. Let mom take care of him, and let him bask in the glory of mom taking care of him. It brings back fond childhood memories of when he was ittle and he was sick and in his mind, mom never left his bedside. It's a comfort thing. And help out with taking care of him also. Believe me when I say that right now, with him being injured, there is not one single thing wrong with mom pampering him. That's just how moms are. :)

Maybe He NEver TRied To Grow Up And Do THings On His OWn. i Say Yes He Is A Mamas Boy. He Should Want To Do Everything On His Own And Not Need Help. I Think He Himself Needs To Grow Up BEfore His Mom Actually Lets Him Go To Grow Up More

Um.. If you really want to change him.. Because you love him and looking forward to live with him in your future life.. Start like this.. First take those work in your own hand from his mother. Go step by step.. And try involving him with you while you are doing the work.. (you have to do that very smartly if he is a real lethargic person..) like you can Make it like romancing.. and calling him for help. If he can't do stuffs all by himself.. Make it look like he is not doing the work himself but you are .. and he is just the one who is helping you .. Try it.. I don't know about me.. What I would have done If I were in your shoes.. Cause I am kind of short tempered person and I hate it when people don't do their own personal job(s).. But as I am a third person here looking at your case . I can try to work smartly.. Its a whole different thing when you're actually facing the problem your self.. Well best of luck!!

My mother does the same thing everytime we have any all the family home together. She waits on the men in the family including filling their dinner plate for them, getting them second helpings, pouring their coffee, etc. It was the way she was raised. She even treats her grandsons the same way. She wants and needs to feel that she is still needed. It drives my husband crazy when we go to visit because I use to try to wait on him to and he told me that he was a grown man and could do things himself. It may be a culture thing on your end to. With my family the women served the men first, then the children and then they ate. The women ate at the diningroom table and the men usually ate in the livingroom clustered around the tv to watch the game. You may be better off just putting up with it until you and her son are in a place of your own again. It is her home and since you are staying with them if you make to much of it you may create and even larger problem between you and his mother. It is not a good idea to create a tug of war between you and Mama cause normally you will lose out in the end eventually.

It is very obvious, your man is a mama's boy! But wait what are you doing? Why is it that you are in their household? You mean you are living in not just with your man but with his parents. My goodness! The very reason why your man could not stand on his own is because he still lives with his overprotective mother. Why not encourage your man to marry you and then live a separate life away from his family. He got his job anyway. That means you can do it on your own. You've got to start on your own. Obviously you love him and would not leave him despite his being a weakling. Well why not get the blessing of a marriage so that you could at least have the right to demand that he stops relying too much on her Mom. When you are already living a separate life, then do everything that his Mom was doing for him. It is okay for you to do all the nursing and loving anyway he is your hubby. But for her Mom to do that to him at that age! What a big shame!

well, I think that he is a momma's boy, but he just doesn't wanna hurt her by telling her he doesn't need her anymore. she doesn't want her "baby boy" to grow up, so she's going to do everything she can to keep him home. he needs to tell her if he wants to be more responsible for himself and she needs to let him spred his wings a little more.

I think it's a mix between both. I mean why should he grow up if someone is willing to do everything for him? His mother made him the way he is, right? Is there the option of you two getting your own place? What about you two ever starting a family? or in the future? Does he have this 1 job still? If not encourage him to get a job, so that one day you guys came move out on your own and start a family. I would feel really weird living with my bf's mom.

Oh my gosh... sounds like you're with my ex-fiance! He still lived with mom and dad, worked FOR mom and dad, and didn't do his own laundry. I lived with them when I was still in highschool, and even at 17, I told him, "This is ridiculous. Grow the **** up!" I really think he needs to feel encouraged to be able to do things on his own. I got harsh with my ex, and he now lives in a different city. We got serious, we dated for 3 years, he couldn't continue growing, so I left him. Did him wonders, I'm told. I actually still talk to his mother (LOL) and sister. They say he's out on his own and doing well. He has a girlfriend, and she seems like a nice girl. He's still addicted to his video games, but so is she! So it works out, I guess... Best thing you can do for him, since you're not even considering leaving him (there were more issues than just "momma's boy" for me) is to just talk to him. Don't be harsh at first, but if he remains stubborn, then maybe you should get harsh. Some people don't learn their mistakes until its too late... Don't let him learn too late. Talk to his mom too, maybe. I think from me talking to my ex's mom before moving out, it kinda made her realize that she'd been babying him and that he needed to grow up. Just let her know, "Hey, I'd really like to move out with him soon, but I'm not sure if he's ready. Do you think you could help me get him to make the adjustment?" Hope that helps. Good luck!