Would you let go of love?

i totally agree laydee.. its actually easier to say things leave alone doing them.. i can totally understand what you are going through.. did you speak to him about this.. that you are insecured and all that.. what were his reactions?

Yeah, I have told him about it. He's really sad. He told me that as much as he doesn't want me to leave, he has no right to stop me because of the things he's done that caused me pain. I'm actually having second thoughts, because several 'mature' friends told me that love shouldn't be given up, instead it should be nurtured and given chances. Whew..

i totally agree with your frnds.. give it another chance.. am sure both of you will be happy together... tc..

He did try to make amends. But he absolutely knew I was really hurt and just listened to me crying. He didn't promise anything and when I told him about the plan to leave in 2009, he cried and told me that even if it's tough on him, he has no right to stop me. He's not being sweet or anything. He's just being there like the bestfriend he is in me. It's tough. I know it would really be very tough on me. I'm really assessing things now and I'm truly hoping I won't be doing a huge mistake. How did you know it was time to leave the person?

In my case laydee, she has an affair and lied to me about it. Also she told our daughters not to say anything to me about the man who called around to our home while I was away working and if I asked them, they were not to tell me. Our daughters were then very young. For me there were several issues I had to deal with. Teaching or encouraging our children to lie in the first place was bad enough but to let them think it was acceptable to deceive a parent is even worse. She had an affair and lied to me about that. The affair was the catalyst certainly but also when the trust is gone it is almost impossible to recover that. Trust is very fragile and like you are now, I found myself wondering quite a lot about what she was doing etc and that was even after we separated. At one stage after we had separated, the ex made overtures that we should consider what happened in our relationship. I told her that I was still hurting so needed to think about it and needed some time, which she accepted. By this time the affair had finished - probably because I found out about it and so had the rest of the district. lol I thought about the situation very long and hard then one day I realised that I could never go back to her because the doubts would always remain. I also know that there are some wonderful people in this world who are good for us and I luckily found one who is now my life partner.

I guess those issues were really something to be pondering about. She actually justified her cheating to your kids and that's not something a mature parent should consider doing. It's good that you had the guts to leave and now I'm sure you're happy. By the way, where are your kids now? How did they feel about their mom telling them to lie to you about it? How did you find out that she told your daughters to do so?

well it might be hurting now sweetie and i knwo how it feels trust me... but sometimes its better now than never... but finally you are the head of the situation and youknwo what to do best..all we can do is provide you with some advice and hope that one of them hits the mark... just be happy in what you do....

Thank you for your advise. It truly is hurting, but I'd really like to weigh things out. I still have time to think. I don't want to do something I'd sooner or later regret doing.

You know what, letting go is a difficult thing to do, and I know that there's a right time for it. Several mature friends advised me not to let go just yet because, though the action was truly hurtful, there's no perfect relationship and they told me that as long as I feel that he's mine, or truly loves me, then I should give him another chance. As for your situation though, it's just been a week and he's done it again, I think that connotes something else. My boyfriend is indeed sorry and is trying his best to win me back again, and not in a mushy way, but in a very mature and sweet way. Though, we haven't iron out everything just yet, but I'm hoping that before 2009 comes, we could, if we want this thing to be on-going. So, I advise friend, that you think about it. Think from both your mind and heart, and see how things are. If he's not doing anything to win you back, if he's truly just playing around with you, then swallow your heart and just let him go, don't wait another second. But if you see that he's worth fighting for, and that he can give you a solution on how to fix these things, then listen. Remember, let him do the thinking for now, I'm sure you're the one who's thinking of a solution now, let him do it this time around. Good luck!

thanks! Im so happy for both of you. It means that your boyfriend truly loves you.. right now we are working things right. And i can feel that he really feel sorry for what he has done and he don't want to loose me. Have a nice day!

Thanks Llonorra, By the way. What happened with you and your boyfriend? Did you let him go?

Yes. I guess I've done everything to make our relationship work but sadly it didn't. But I still hope your relationship will still work.. Good luck friend!

How many times must you forgive?

as long as u hv da patience and the will to frogv him

I read above where you say that he's not being sweet or anything. Why don't you sit down and talk to him about things. Tell him that he needs to step up and do SOMETHING to show you that he wants to keep you. However, be prepared....he might say that he thinks it's over and that might hurt you worse than what you already have planned. I guess sometimes it's better to let things go. I really wish you the best and I wish there was someway I could help you. Here's a virtual (((((((hug))))))))) for you! :-) Add me to your friends, and I'm here for you anytime.

Oh, we've been good friends 2years before he courted me. We're not yet married but were in this relationship for a good 4years going 5 now. Yes I did have a gut feel which prompted me to look into the email. But there are now flaws to my original assumption because I was able to talk to the girl and she told me things that isn't quite right about him, basic information that didn't match him, which made me think that maybe this girl was indeed nothing more than flirting. I even asked her if he ever told her he loved her, and when she said that he never told her that (while he tells me that several times everyday) my heart just jumped. I don't really know, maybe it was his time of weakness or so. But even if that is the case, he knows it hurt me so much. When we talked the other night though, I told him my plan of leaving. I told him too that he has time to think of other good solutions apart from us breaking up totally. He's been there a lot these days, just listening to me. I know I still love him. and I could feel that he does love me too. I'm just afraid of thinking too much. So, I'm somehow letting go of my thinking for now, and let these remaining time take it's course before I do decide. I thank you very much for sharing, I know 'validation' isn't something necessary, for all we know, I already have a decision. Maybe I'm just afraid that I'll be letting go of someone instead of fighting for him, or maybe I'm afraid of keeping someone who never was mine. Whew.

Thank you for your thoughts. We actually didn't end it and like you said, I did ask him what he wanted and if he did still love me. Yes, there are many mistakes and many things we can't fix with breaking up. I'm glad he made an effort to really make me understand and know that he loves me. We are trying to patch things now and though there are moments when my mind just short-circuits, he is there to remind me that he loves me still and that he's doing his best to make our relationship better. You're right though, I wasn't ready to let go of him, and I'm glad I didn't.

The thought of it makes me cry. But I have no idea what to do next. I am trying to give it more thoughts, I am just torn the the fact that most relationships don't work anymore because everyone quits but I don't know how many times I must forgive before I could look like a fool. Anyhow, nothing is final yet and I thank you for your contribution. I would try my best to work it out, if it's ours then I know circumstances will help us. IF not, no matter what I'd do, US would just be a word.

Yeah, trust is indeed important. But all these years, I found that trust couldn't be healed if you let go of the person. It's tough, I know but it's much complicated if you let go of him totally and stop talking to him to regain it back. We all have our weak times and maybe it's mine. But now, he's trying, well, we're trying to fix things. It won't be easy, but I know that if these things are fixed, then somehow I know that he's the one for me. If not, then at least I did my best and not quit on him when the going got tough. Thanks for your thoughts poohgal!

You truly have a point there trillan. I'm just worrying that I might be escaping instead of facing the problem. I'm still truly assessing whether he wants to work things out or it's just me. Further, I have told him that I can't think for the both of us about this, and asked him to find solutions when I told him about this plan. Thanks by the way for sharing your thoughts, I'd truly consider what you've said.