Attitudes about adopton depending on the child
By suspenseful
@suspenseful (40192)
Canada
December 11, 2008 1:50pm CST
When my husband and I adopted, we wanted children who looked as much as us as possible and did get them. That was back in the seventies, and even then things were changing and making adoption very confusing. Before that the attitude was that poor girl who could not care for her baby, and gave him up to a loving couple who could not have children. Then things started to change. Here is what I learned from what we encountered.
There are attitudes about adoption, depending on who was adoption. If the parents go overseas and adopt a child from China or even here in North America, adopt a child who is handicapped, or older or of a different ethic group, like Asian, or African then they are considered such wonderful people. Yet if they adopt a child who is an American Indian or Canadian Indian, they are considered stealing the child from its heritage and heaven forbid if they adopt a child who looks like them and they happen to be blond haired and blue eyed, they are considered racists. Then there is the attitude that they are opportunist who took a baby away from a natural mother by offering her money.
So for those who adopted, have you found that the attitudes of adoption changed and was it for the better or for the worse?
5 people like this
5 responses
@mdavis6565 (16)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I agree that any parent who adopts to help a child find a better life should be praised. I do not have children yet but I would like to adopt a girl or two from Russia, China, or India since these children have particularly low chances of finding a better life; however, I do not think I would go out of my way to find the child who has the absolute lowest chance of being adopted and I must consider how much I actually can give of myself (when evaluating a child's personnel issues) to make sure that it works out best for all. If people go around second guessing the motives of people who are trying to help (no matter to what extent) well all I can say is they are entitled to their opinion, but personally I have great respect for anyone going out of their way to help a child in distress (kudos).
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
12 Dec 08
That hardly happens in Canada. When someone wants to adopt, they fill out a form saying what type of child they want, and it is not right for the social worker to think that the parents have to prove themselves as being loving by taking any child. So if the couple says, that they are nervous about adopting a baby who has cystis fibrosis, and if they say they want a child that has their red hair and their allergies to peanuts, then the social worker should find a baby to fit the category. But when the social worker thinks that any child will do, that brings in the problems.
And I do not like the idea that if you adopt a child from another culture you are more wonderful then someone who adopts a child from your own culture.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
13 Dec 08
I guess it is that some of us have the ability to bond with any child we raise even if the child was not born to us. It sounds much better after hearing of parents who had physical problems or were in wheelchairs, had arthritis, rheumetoid arthritis, genetically inherited diseases,cancer, and they were still able to bear children and you who are healthy except in my case, I made one mistake, are not.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 Dec 08
My husband and I had thought of adoption after I lost my third baby. However, i did try again an we had a son. I have 3 sons and a daughter and four grands. I lost five babies.I do understand though, where you are coming from. My children are bi racial and we would have adopted bi racial children I think. In my country they are not too particular about adoption as the state cannot afford to look after all the unwanted children. Agsin, so many teenage pregnancies.
It is understandble to want a child who looked like you do. You wanted the child to 'fit in'. I use the term advisedly but I am sure that you know what I mean. I am getting tired and not thinking too clearly!
However, the world has changed so much and children of all ethnic groups are being adopted. I think that it is important for these children to be aware of their own culture though. This is an excellent posting. Blessings on you and your family.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
11 Dec 08
I am of German Austrian English Welsh background and my husband is of Low German background so for us a child of any of those ethnic groups would fit in with our family. We have family who have hair ranging from light blond, auburn, chestnut, to dark brown, eyes from gray, to blue, to green, and brown and we would get the same assumption that I gave birth to them. I am short and stocky, and my brother is tall and lanky. And we have the gamit of genetic disorders from diabetes, heart conditions, strokes, etc. So when people say "you only want a perfect blond haired baby," I think they are being crazy. After all, they forget that the perfect baby may not be perfect, may die at fifty of a heart attack, may have to take medicine for high chloresteral when he gets older, may find himself with diabetes, etc. They seem to think that he will be an Olympic Athlete, but things are not all perfect.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
12 Dec 08
My dear suspensful, You don't have to give an explanation for adopting children who look like both you and your husband. This was your personal decision and quite frankly, I take my hat off to anyone who adopts a child. I pray for Bethsmom frequently. The perfect child is the one you love and I am sure that you love your children dearly.
Aren't they lucky to have you and your husband and aren't you lucky to have them? I do understand but it is no one's business what child you adopt.You both did a wonderful thing. I wish your family every happiness. Blessings!
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
12 Dec 08
Many of my cousins and family members have been adopting. I see nothing wrong with it. I think that adoption is a wonderful thing because there are so many children in this world who do not have families. I don't think that it matters what race or what condition that child is in, as long as you love that child, and you can provide for them, that is all that matters.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
11 Dec 08
I admire people that adopt a child or children like you and your husband. My mum's friend in the 60s adopted a baby girl from a teenage mother and a baby boy from a business lady. Both children have her sort of colouring and so I am sure some people don't know they are adopted. In the 60s and the 70s adoptive parents wanted children that looked like them. Nowadays my home country is multi cultural. I would love to have a daughter and if I adopted one from China I am sure people would understand. I would bring her up with knowledge and appreciation from her culture. I would take her traveling on holiday to Asia. I heard about a baby girl that was sadly stolen in Central America and she nearly went to adoptive parents overseas. Luckily her mum found her after months of desperate searching. Orphan or unwanted children are those that should be adopted. Adoptive parents should be able to adopt any race in my opinion and the child's culture should be explored. Specialist people should be able to adopt disabled children to give them a bright future. I am afraid that the adoption procedure is so challenging in my home country. Many black children wait for a family and white families are not meant to adopt them. Yet not enough suitable couples want to adopt. The process takes about two years and is far more demanding than pregnancy.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
12 Dec 08
We have a problem here in Canada, there are Native Canadian, i.e. Sioux, Dakota, Cree, Assinboine children who need to be adopted, but the social services think they should only be adopted by Native Canadians. Yet many of the families are dysfunctionable, drinking, etc. and sometimes the child goes to live with the family and later we hear about the child being abused, killed, left outside in the cold, etc. and there is a big outcry about that poor little toddler having to die. Yet there are many white and mixed white families, but there is so much insistence of the child having to be brought up in the culture that that child suffers.
And with the insistence of the child being brought up on the culture of ancient Native beliefs such as sweat logs, they sort of discourage Christian families from adopting and I would not be surprised that they even discourage Native Christian families from adopting as well.
@saichandtalluri (1486)
• India
12 Dec 08
I can't say some attitude depends up on the heditory and some depend up the enviroment in which the child is born and brought up and what way he grown so i think it does not depend on the adoption
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
31 Dec 08
I think adoption is like having your own child, and it should not be just because of want to give a better life (what if you or your husband lose their jobs? And then you will be just as poor as the birth mother who had to give up their child( and I do not think that if you adopt a handicapped or child of a different color that you are so wonderful people while those who adopt a child who looks like them, are not that nice. That is what makes me angry when I see articles where the parents who adopted were considered wonderful mainly on them adopting a child of a different culture.
I do think it is the way you raise your child that makes the difference and it could be that if one adopts from the same ethnic group, there is a better chance of them having some of your traits - yes like going to get diabetes when they are in their sixties, having high blood pressure, etc. 
