Is it rightful to send your partner back to your unlaws?
By silverjam
@silverjam (969)
United States
December 11, 2008 3:28pm CST
My friend had been the sole bread winner of her family for quite a long time beacause her husband was ill and cannot earn a living. By the time he was well and has the job as taxi driver, she was expecting to have some relief in their financial problems but things seemed getting worst because he is earning less of what is expected. She complains a lot of her helping him pay the taxi rental almost everyday and this made her sick. Her income is barely enough for their daily needs.
She told him to quit his job and better returned to his folks because she's tired of taking care of him and their kids; she said she have had enough for the hardships. Do you think it's rightful to send back your spouse to your inlaws for some reasons? Your honest opinions are highly appreciated in this marital situation.
2 people like this
6 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I do not think that the woman was wise to say such a thing. If the man is putting more into the job then he is getting out of it, then I would have to say it's time for him to find another one. Kicking him out because he doesn't have the best job is just like making a excuse. I would be one to tell my fiance that he would be better to find another job then for us to be paying out of pocket.
Even a complaint to the company would be in order more then a kick to the behind from a spouse who vowed to love you.
1 person likes this
@silverjam (969)
• United States
12 Dec 08
Well I guess he did some job searchings too but maybe this is the only one he finds quite suitable for him considering that he is not very healthy to do more manual jobs. But of course kicking him out is not the solution of their problem but instead it may poses some threat of the marraige due to physical separation.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 08
I personally feel it is not right to send our partner back to our in-laws. When we accepted marriage we accepted the commitment to be together and to support each other.
There are always solutions to problems. The main point to remember is to stay level headed. I am sure there are couples out there who are worse off, but they face their problems as a team. Even in good times any team can break up if the members act and think as individuals. If the couple is not prepared to sit down and discuss about their problems as mature and sensible adults, I do not think they would be able to get out of the rut.
all the best,
rosdimy
rosdimy
1 person likes this
@silverjam (969)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I absolutely agree w/ what you say; working as a team is the best solutions in solving any marital problems specially w/ money matters. If one thinks individually or less cooperative then it won't work and I guess they just need to sit down and try to settle thier financial problems w/o kicking out the other partner. I guess she is just too tired by now for all the hardships she had being the sole bread winner of the family for a long time, and that her expectations of him helping her was failed. But again I believe kicking him out is not the answer of the problems as it might just create more serious problems later.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
25 Jan 09
[i]Hi jam,
I don't think so! before marriage, everyone of us know that marriage is not all about happiness. SO, in moment like this, why not helping with each other so that they can handle the situation...The husband can find another job which will help them a little bit or they can lessen their expenses!
I mean this is all about money and we can work for that once two people will be helping with each other! I hope your friend will be able to talk to her husband and settle things out![/i]
@silverjam (969)
• United States
25 Jan 09
I absolutely agree w/ you but I guess there is really more than that; more than money problems or maybe just that one but it had been an issue since before because she had been the bread winner for quite a long time and maybe it's taking its toll by now and she felt she just had enough. I suppose they must have been talkinmg about it though, the financial problems. But like you said, it must be in this tight time that they should be both w/ each other to solve their own problems. Thanks for the reply, it's very much appreciated.
@silverjam (969)
• United States
12 Dec 08
Yea I guess so. Actually she had been through a lot though; from being the sole bread-winner of the family for years, to taking care of him and the kids, to attending all the househild chores and so forth. Maybe all of these had been piled up and she might have some pint-up emotions down inside. I also thought that failed expectations might be one reason for her decission; she was expecting that they can have some relief from financial problems now that he's already working but instead it seems that things are getting worst hence the thought of sending him back to his folks.
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
11 Dec 08
well, Marriage is a commitment. Once a person decided to get married, he/she must be ready to face the worse and better time in marriage. It doesn't mean that when bad situation happened, the marriage is over. In my own opinion,whatever things may happen as long as there is no 3rd party involved and no domestic violence happened, husband and wife should work hand in hand to find means to sustain a living. If you love your spouse, there is always a way to survive.
@silverjam (969)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I agree, for better and for worst, through thick and thin marraige should stand amidst all the hardships its encounters. And yes I believe that every problems has solutions, it's just maybe that she is so tired by now for all the sufferings she had in their marraige and now that she was expecting him to help (w/c he did)things are not sufficient yet for them to get through w/ their problems. I guess they just have to sit down, talk heartily about the matter and solve the issue themselves as a team.
@aquaroan1365 (83)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I don't agree of that. Sending him back to his parents is so sad if that will happen. What about the bows that she promised when they got married? for better or worst, in sickness and in health, for poorer or richer? If she truly loves him she should make a little sacrifice for the sake of their loves for each other. Remember that today is the time that he needed her most, and that kind of problem that they are facing now is just a part of marriage life. Tell her just be patience for a little time i know every problems has a solution.
@silverjam (969)
• United States
12 Dec 08
Yes, the marraige vows is holy and should be kept and honored as long as both couples are still alive. Well I guess that she dida lot of sacrifices though; being the sole bread-winner of the family for quite a long time and taking care of her family. it's just that maybe she is so tired by now and feeling she have had enough for all the hardships hence the decission of sending him back to his folks. But again this is not right because once and for all they should be acting as a team specially in tough times. Kicking him out won't really help as this may only poses some additional problems in their marraige because of physical separation.
@aquaroan1365 (83)
• United States
12 Dec 08
the vows that they promised to each other, this is the right time forher to show it to her husband if she truly loves him. Just a little bit sacrifice i know they can survived it.
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