I Don't Trust Men!!!

Hey what makes you to come to that decission because men are good and they have a very kind heart and they are the true lovers i think there are some men who behave in a different way because of that silly reason you can not come to a conclusion that men are not good

Oh great, I'm going to end up sounding like Dr. Phil. You grew up with, shall we say less than honorable, men in your life so guess which type of men are you most likely to be drawn towards ( whether consciously or not ). You've likely furthered your disappointment in men because of this. Some counseling might be in order so you could learn to start actually looking at good men without automatic distrust & realize the bad ones aren't for you. You deserve better, whether your subconscious realizes this or not. ( Folds therapist personality back up & places back in box )

I think I know what you are saying. Because of the amount of evil deeds that men have done in the past, it makes the general population of men harder to trust. For me, women have enabled this crap for quite a while and put up with it (not that we're reponsible for it, just that we should have pushed harder to stop it) so I'm having a hard time trusting women too. LOL I just have a problem with the general population of humans.

I think one of the best ways is you have to meet someone that, over time, he proves to you that he can be trusted. The problem is, if something even looks suspicious, you may automatically assume hr's doing something that you can't trust, even though he's doing something completly innocent. Also, think about the fact that he's not just a man but a human being, just like woman and there are a lotr of woman that can't be trusted,too. You just have to be careful and don't get into a situation where it might be tough to get outof. If you meet someone special and 4 or 5 monthes int5o the relationship he asks you to marry him, you should give it another 6 months. At one point or another, I think almost everybody does something that looks dishonest, but that does'nt mean he or she is a bad person or dishonest person.

I don't know girl ,i am in the same situation as you are..we have both been burned ...By MEN!..I loved once ,or so i thought with all of my heart,ok i was with this man & i grew up with him and we had 5 kids together..I put my heart & soul into him & he did me wrong & blew my mind ,plus it felt like my heart had been pulled from my chest & stomped....So now i also want a relationship but I have no faith in men ,plus my biggest problem is " I am so afraid that i cannot love again......I married 2 times after that long time relationship,both times i did not really love...Now i am not sure i can again//\\\it really scares me to think this way...I can like someone "I think" then i can be with them ,and i feel nothing..So i have totally given up on marriage all together..I don't know if you need therpy or not,but i went to therpy and all they told me was i had trust issues by the way i was treated...Well we knew that!!!But all they told me was the problem in counseling ,but not the solution...So the thing is about this is we are really scared we won't recover & become right again...I am not saying all men are bad either,its just the ones we have chosen.The counsler told me that i seem to cling to these kind & i need to break the cycle.In other words to get better ,we need to make better choices & break that stagnated state...So im here ,still don't love & not sure i ever can again....

I have been in your shoe, but not only to men, to everyone in general and yeah that's hard. in fact I choose to be suspicious and keep to myself until whoever it is can prove their friendship, love, and all that sweet person they claim to be. I still do that because there is nothing wrong with it. I went on and on try to find the reasons but in the end all I can find is that nobody is perfect and unfortunately most of them choose to not do what they should for example they leave you in bad situation instead of helping you out of it. We may think family and those we called friends, will be on our side forever. but they are humans too and therefore not perfect. The way I see it though, you don't need counselling. You don't need to get rid of it, because there is nothing wrong with it. What you need to do, is tone it down a little bit. Don't show that you don't trust them, because it may help you avoid the bad ones, but it will also hurt your chance to find the one good man for you. Just go along, but be prepared for the worst. When he makes a mistake, step back. Cool down and try to go along again. Second time he makes mistake, question him and analyze. If you do this, eventually you will see a pattern of his behavior and after a while you will be able to make a decision. Each person has a different standard. We think some things are unforgiveable, but others may think these things are OK. This is why you hear the saying 'you don't have to forgive the act, but you can forgive the person'. But by seeing the pattern of his behavior you can see if his standard is the same as yours, or at least close and whether you can live with that. It's risky, but it's calculated risk. You still jump in, but you don't jump in with both feet. Try it. It works for me, and I have been married for 8 years going strong. I have never even met him in person before we got married. We were chat friends. I've had failures online before I met him. It didn't stop me from chatting although I was discouraged. But this is how I learned, and I'm glad I did. I even have a few close friends on mylot and best friend in real life. Never thought I would ever have any of those, because I used to think all people are just scammers, backstabbers, idiots, woes etc hehehe well now I know I'm wrong:)

I was just talking about something along these lines today with my writing buddies at lunch. My parents never EVER argued in front of us. If they ever disagreed they did it behind closed doors. I only saw my father get angry once in my whole life. My mother rarely lost her cool. So why am I such a yelling, controlling be-atch of a wife and mother? Where did it come from? I determined today that it comes from my first marriage in which I didn't dare stand up for myself or risk getting beaten. If I got angry at my EX I would surely pay for it. You know, a lot of men have a way of turning things around to being the woman's fault when it's not. So now, as a result of that marriage my mindset is I want control. I don't want to be treated the way I was in my first marriage so I try and take control and when I don't I get made and yell (like my EX did). It's a shame that life experiences get ingrained in our psyche so badly. Of course the good things do too, hopefully. I don't like the way I am and when I told my doctor that she did send me for counselling and suggested hypnotherapy. All I got out of therapy was that it was not that I am controlling, it is that I don't like being in control and that is not a bad thing. I have found therapy helpful (been in it several times throughout my years of fibro); it is great to have someone to talk to and I did learn some things but I honestly don't think it can cure me. I listen to the teachings of Joyce Meyer; I take notes; I think about it often but when push comes to shove I resort to my old self. I have to add that it took me a long time to trust my current husband. For years I had dreams of him cheating on me. He was quite a player as a bachelor. But I know he wouldn't cheat on me and once a psychiatrist told me these dreams were my brain working things out in my sleep instead of in waking time, and that they showed my insecurities, I stopped having the dreams. But I really don't know what it's going to take to get me to stop losing control when I don't have control. Will counselling help you? Probably. In your situation you will learn to trust and then find a man who shows you how much you can trust him. Then you will be able to relax and be happy. But in the end, men and women are very different and always will be. By nature men aren't very verbal and don't share much information. So not telling you something doesn't always mean they are being deceitful. My husband didn't me his aunt and uncle were both diagnosed with cancer at the same time. I just happened to answer the phone when his cousin called (they work and golf together) and he told me. I was like, WTF? My husband said he was waiting to get more information before he told me. Whatever. Men have a different idea of what is important and what isn't. It's the nature of the beast.

Your not alone drknlvly - I too have very little trust in mans ability tell and live up to the truth of any matter. I can blame it on being burned in the past - I trusted as hard as I loved in the past and it got me so hurt in the end I dont know if I am capable of trusting that deep ever again. I cant say that I have totally given up on love or trust when it comes to a relationship between a man an a woman, or a woman and a woman, or whatever yoru preference is for that matter. I can say that I am much more careful now in days and I tend not to open up as quickly as I had in the past. I havent been on a date in a while and thats mostly because im fearful of being hurt. I know, no way to live, but at this time in my life Im content with it. I keep myself pretty busy between my job and my two beautiful doggies ;) So I dont really feel as if I am missing something. Maybe one day women like us will find it in us to trust truly and completly again, maybe not - only time will tell.

Do you have any close male friends. That is a good way to start to understand men adn their points of view. It also takes time. Trust is not something that comes over night. Hopefully you will get over your trust issues soon it will help you go through life a lot easier..Good luck.

I too have been cheated and lied to by other people of both genders many times in the past. From a person who trusted people without question, I sometimes question the motives of other people. I think you can give this method a try. I think those who are sincere will not be offended if the question is not put in an accusatory tone. Our experiences shaped our thinking, attitude and behaviour. Look at each man as and individual. Innocent until proven guilty. Some people shunned me because I appear to be anti social because of the way I behave and because there were times I spoke my mind out. They talked behind my back and never had a real conversation with me. The few who did admitted that they had a negative opinion and suspicious of me but changed their views after having a chat with me. So you could approach each man the same way. all the best, rosdimy

hey dear just chill ..and relax..there are lot of good guys out there...but u need to keep eyes open..also try to evaluete ur own behaviour..r u getting attrected toward bad guys?

Just like everything in life there are good people and there are bad people. There are good men and bad men, good women and bad women, good children and bad children, and good races and bad races. Do you see where I am coming from? Basically there are good and bad people and you can't really judge a whole group of people on just a few. That is what gets people into trouble, assuming things like this. I am not saying you are wrong. I am sure that there are bad men, but there are also good. I am not sure there is much you can do, except learn to trust men. I know a lot of people would say therapy, but I believe therapy is baloney. So I would say just realize that not all men are bad and eventually you will learn to trust men. Just hope I helped you out

If one does not trust the opposite gender, then it is as good as not trusting self. Because the other gender is also a part of yourself. Male is half-male and half-female. Female is half-female and half-male. Masculine and feminine qualities are present in each of us. They are in-built. So, not being able to trust the other gender is rather a sad thing.

u may be saying that out of a personal experience,but u gotta understand that not all men r the same!

drknlvly6781, I could not agree with you more. I have a boyfriend, and I love him dearly, but sometimes, I cannot trust him. It all goes back to my upbringing. My father left my mother, my mother's boyfriend (whom I once called "my father" and "my step-father") is a jerk (I could use harsher words, but I will not do it here), my grandfather and great-grandfathers were all drunks and abusers, one man did unspeakable things to me (most on here know the story already, so I will not repeat it), and my boyfriend's father is a real @$$hole (this man is truly worthy of the word). I know how you feel. It is not wrong to feel the way you do, it is natural. You have been hurt by men, as I have, and your feelings are justified. Honestly, you might never be able to fully trust men, you might trust them to an extent, but you will never fully trust them. It is not your fault, that is how it is. You can still have a relationship, and you can still let a man into your life, but always be on your guard because you never know, also, know what you want in a man. That is always key in a relationship. Remember, relationships are a two-way street. You can love him, and you can want a future with him, but get to really know him before you truly commit to him. I love my boyfriend, and I am still getting to know him, we have not made any real committments yet, but yes, I will still be a little distrusting of him, it is only natural considering all of the Hell that I have been through with men. Also, I was always told to never really trust anyone, not even your own family because you never really know what they are up to. Trust is always difficult. Sadly, people have to earn your trust.

I think that first you should stay away from men for a bit. Fix yourself. You need to love and respect yourself first so that you don't attract the bad men. Yes I said it, there are bad men. But there are also great men. It sounds to me like you attract the bad ones. One of my favorite quotes is by Einstein and I think it fits here, - “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Sorry to hear this and as you pointed out we are all creatures of our circumstances and your association with men leaves much to be desired.You would naturally be sceptical about this.Some right man must enter your life with whom you strike the right chemistry and find to your pleasant surprise that you haev also been lucky in getting to know a man who is worthy of your trust. Hope this happens .I have seen men who are woman haters too and they have been embittered like this on account of their circumstances. They would tend to be defensive and the more and more bitter lessons they learn their defences mount like God knows what. It would take a long time for them to get convinced. Let us hope you are plain lucky and get a patient good man who would be able to appreciate your naturally defensive stance and accept you for what you are. Perhaps then you would rethink the whole issue.

well i can you never had a real man in your life, either a father figure or a father. anyone can be a father but to be a dad is specail. not all men are like this. ok the ones who are like what you said aren't real men. but i understand how and why you feel like this. when i help others i tell the fathers, if they don't show thier daughter the right attentions they will seek it the wrong attention from the wrong guys. but to be a real man, your dad should have been in your life. he was man enough to make you, he should have been man enough to take care of his responably. do what a dad is suppose to do. i might not have been the best father, but i was always there for my kids. i did things with them. i took them where they needed to go. took my daughter to brownies, and my son to all of his stuff as well. one day you will find that real man, he will treat you like a real woman like a queen. my mom always told me, you treat females like you would want your dad to treat to me, or how you would want your sister to be treated. then i saw my dad treated my mom and now my step mom so good. but don't give up on all men. even though 90% are dogs, and 6% are real men. oh the other 4% they gay, they don't count.lol.

This situation maybe true in your case because you've had such an experience but you see there are good and bad people at every place.so if men are good or bad or not trustworthy there are also women who can;t be trusted.Positive thinking will help you change your view.

I empathise but there are some very honorable, trustworthy men out there. My husband, alas, was not in that category but all that aside I have three very lovely sons and brothers and uncles who are very trustworthy. In the main, men are what they are. A sad, sorry bunch. You will, in your life, find and ferret out the ones you can trust. I could give you so many examples your hair would turn grey waiting for the end but I wont. Just believe that there are some good ones. You know there is black and white, up and down. Same goes for men - good and bad. It's a simple matter of finding them or them finding you. Seems to me like you would love to find that man. When he comes you will know him. He may not look like Prince Charming or anything like that but you'll know who he is when you see him. I think you would love your heart to pound. It will happen, believe.