For SAHM or housewives...

For a long time I fought against my hubby being the one to support me, I was always so independant. I had been a mum at 18 and had been on my own for eight years before I met him and so had always been the main provider. When I became pregnant with our first child he insisted that he go out to work and I stay at home with the kids and from the off he has always let me be the manager of the money and everything. It is hard and there are still times when I feel really guilty for it but I am easier about it now than I was in the beginning.

I have never thought of it as His money. We have different roles in our family and our household, and we both contribute, just in different ways. I take care of our son and the house, I do the shopping, cooking and laundry. He goes out and gets a paycheck. Different, but both valuable. If I wasn't here doing all of these things, he would have do do a whole lot more around here. I don't feel weird because I have never once thought of it as His money. He earns it for our family, not for himself. I do buy him gifts, and I don't at all feel like he is buying his own gift. We are a family unit. If you look at it that way- as his money, do you also feel you need to not eat very much, use much electricity or not buy yourself anything? If it's his money, you are taking it from him by doing for yourself. That is not the way a family works. You don't keep things separate, you work together to achieve a common goal. Different responsibilities, but equally important.

I came of age in the early 1970s and there was a lot of talk and discussion about the dependence of women on men. There was also a lot of concern about the exploitation of women in marriage, where frequently women were taking care of the home, sometimes working outside the home and had basically no control over their own live. And divorce laws were just beginning to change. Divorce usually left women without custody of children and without child support if they did have custody of children and the effort to collect child support if it was ordered was very difficult and had little support from authorities. When I was a child, a divorced woman was close to being a 'street walker' or worse. The idea of getting married was not exactly my idea of a good time and I did not get married until I was almost 40 years old. Even then, I maintained a small separate savings and checking account, although my husband and I combined our paychecks and split our household expenses as well as our household chores, (although like most women I still end up doing the majority of the housework). So I understand about you feeling that you are spending your husbands money. But just think of a few of the things you do for your husband that he would have to do for himself if you were not there, like washing his clothes and preparing his meals (taking care of the children you do for yourself as well) and you can probably count about half of the house work, (maybe all of cleaning the bathroom), put a price on those service and then consider that part of his earnings as yours. On the other hand there a other ways of dealing with children and household funds. My adopted daughter and her husband took turns working and being stay at home parents. So that in their family, there has always been a parent a home and a parent that goes out to work, although it has not always been the same parent. Their children are now 11 and 13 and only a couple of years of their lives have they not had a full time parent at home. Because they have both been a stay at home parent they seem to have no problems spending money on one another, no matter which one is working. The funds that come into the household are considered "family" money and used to pay the mortgage and other bills, buy groceries or buy gifts for other family members (mom, dad, or children). It seems to work for them. Just like it works for my husband and I that I maintain a separate checking and savings account that doesn't have his name attached. While, he could feel justified in believing that I do not trust him. He has always been understanding about this.

I believe that for those families where the wife stays home to take care of the home and family, the money belongs to both partners, not just the husband. It is his job to provide for the family. I don't like it when the husband is stuck on considering it his money and not our money. It is a self-centered attitude. Also, when both partners work, I consider the money to belong to both, not his and her money. They can and should each have some of the money to use for their own wishes, but for the most part, the money belongs to both together as a unit. Marriage traditionally means that the two become one. That includes the finances.

It is a misnomer when wives/SAHM's are viewed as being a little below others because she stays home; therefore she isn't to spend HIS money. Well, I think the money belongs to all considering mothers raise the kids mostly, cook the meals, do the laundry, run the kids back and forth to school/sports/practice/doctor - you name it; she does it! I think, if she got paid for all she did, the wife would make lots more than any man! Most men could never tackle the job a woman does and most are happy to let the wife spend the money, that is, unless she is a bad money manager. I've always been a frugal housewife and my husband has always trusted me with 'our' money. Even though he made me separate my check from the regular checking account, I still consider it 'our' money. He says to spend it like I want to, and I do - on bills, if it's needed, to buy things for us, for the house, etc. It's all OUR money and it doesn't matter where it comes from.

I definitely agree that I think of it as our money. Even when I was working, our money has always been pooled. There was a stretch of time when I was working and he was in school, and I never felt weird about him paying for my gifts with "my" money. I guess I never really thought about using his earnings to buy him things.

Im a SAHM and have been close to 25 years. I have never thought of the money as his and I know he hasnt either. We both work hard and some days one works harder then the other. We both feel that I do all the things that make it possible for him to relax in his job as I handle everything on the homefront basically. No where could we get cheaper and safer childcare then me to begin with. Or to have the time that this household run if we both worked. Nope his money is just as much mine as it is his, as he says, "Without me, he wouldnt have a home".

I've never really thought about it. I guess whether i was working or not I've always thought of it as our money. So it didn't matter where the money came from just that I got to pick him out special stuff for christmas that he would like. I think it is better that way.

i was a stay at home mom for 19 years, until our divorce. i always felt weird about buying his gifts with the money he worked for. yes, i raised the kids, cleaned house, etc. i have been with my s/o now for 3 1/2 years, and work and make my own money. it's nice to be able to go shopping for him and pay for it with my money instead of his. it's not so much how much i spend, just the fact that i bought it. and he is always appreciative of whatever i give him.

My fiance and I have not yet talked fully about what we're going to do financially when we have children. We would both like to stay at home, but as it is, I'm not sure if we would be able to with the way the economy is going, and the fact that it takes a lot of money to raise children. I think that if we were to become pregnant now, I would be better to go and get a job as he does not have as much experience in working as I do. Now as for the money and gifts.. It's OUR money, so I and he alike would view it our money....

When you're married, the money belongs to both parties, not just to one. We don't spend much on gifts for each other, though. I would rather any money we could spend on ourselves go to his daughter and my son.

I think if it is "his money" then he has a huge bill to pay with all the child care, house cleaning, prepared meals and doing his laundry going on. Have him pay for everything you do and then go buy him a gift. LOL If a guy ever tries to refer to it as his money then I would probably let him know I am broke then so no gift.

yeah u r right ,i ve been married just few months back ,and i still feel in that way ,i.e its my husbands money so .. but i guess this feeling is getting weaker day by day ..:) i'm also interested in knowing from where u r earning online and how if u like to share plz

This is a question which was bothering me for such a long time.as i got married 7 months back and since than we never had his birthday as it was in our wedding month and also the anniversary both.i was just worried how i am going to gift him through his own money.will he be as happy as he used to be when we were not married cause he may feel that she has done nothing as its my own money.