What would you do if your boyfriend told you ...
@NikkiLuvsAlex (319)
United States
December 14, 2008 1:27pm CST
I am pretty upset right now because last night my boyfriend and I were having a talk and he said a few things to me that I didn't like. He had drank two quarts of beer and we were talking about some things. First he was going down a list of things that he wanted to do in the near future. He said I want to get a good job, and find a new place to live, I want a new girlfirend. It sounded like it slipped out because he was talking fast but it told me what was on his mind. Then about five minutes later he said "Yeah I may want to hit another piece of @$$ other than my girl's" I just looked at him and was like WHAT?? He spent about an hour or two apologizing after that and he says that he didn't mean to say what he did but was drinking. To tell the truth I really don't want to hear it. I am so mad I don't know what to do. We live together and I really love this guy, but he wants a new girlfriend and wants to sleep with other girls??? Should I run away as fast as I can or am I just handling this poorly. I have been hurt in the past but from what my boyfriend is telling me his words meant nothing. I don't believe that what he said didn't mean anything and I don't want to be a fool and ignore warning signs if this is what they are. Am I just being too sensitive? I do have that problem sometimes, but i'm wondering how seriously that I should take his comments. What would you do?
12 people like this
64 responses
@thedogshrink (1266)
• United States
14 Dec 08
I'm so sorry! I know this hurt you so much!
To decide what to do, I think you have to sit down and seriously, carefully think about how things are between you when he is not drinking.
Also, does he drink often? If he does, you should probably leave, as it is probably the beginning of a serious drinking problem which will get worse.
Assuming he doesn't drink often, then how are things, and be honest and realistic.
Is he normally very attentive to you, loving, sharing his feelings, and showing you respect?
Or is it hard to get him to communicate and share feelings? If you see signs that there may be problems, excluding what happened last night, then that tells you there are real problems. If you see things are really and truly good, excluding last night, then maybe give another chance.
As far as drinking and talking, I think it varies, depending on the person. Some people get drunk and "spill their guts" -- all the true thoughts and feelings come out. But other people get drunk and just spew nonsense and it has little or nothing to do with their true feelings. Some are a little bit both ways. Some get drunk and then just get all "mushy", going around telling everyone how much they really love them, over and over and over and over! If you've seen him drunk several times, really drunk, you can probably have a clue as to which one he is.
@thedogshrink (1266)
• United States
14 Dec 08
I also wanted to say that you really must be honest with yourself, and maybe ask a few close friends/family (without telling them what he said last night) how they see your relationship, but make sure they will be honest with you. Just make sure you don't sugar coat it for yourself, and say the relationship is more or better than it is. But also don't trash it for no reason. Sometimes there are a lot of little signs, one way or the other, and we are afraid to face them, in case they might not show us what we want to believe.
2 people like this
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
15 Dec 08
I don't think I'd just flat out break up over this, but I would take it seriously. When people drink, their inhibitions are set aside and they show their true colors. I would believe he meant it, to an extent. That doesn't mean he's going to do anything, it just may mean that he's not one hundred percent sure he is ready to settle down. He may at some point want to act on those feelings.
What you do next depends on whether you are ok with that. Loving him and wanting it to work are not going to make it happen if it's not also what he wants. If you are comfortable with the fact that he may not be ready to be fully committed in a monogamous relationship, then everything is fine. If not, you need to decide how big a problem it is going to be for you and whether you want to continue to invest in the relationship.
I have been in a similar situation, and I later regretted staying too long. I thought I could change him, but I couldn't. And I later realized I wouldn't have wanted that. I wanted him to be committed to me because it was what made him happy, not because I guilted him into it or he felt some sort of obligation to me. When I realized it wasn't going to work out, we separated and I went through a hard time at first, but realized it was for the best- we were just not meant to be together.
2 people like this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
14 Dec 08
I've heard people say that things you say when drunk are really your concious thoughts when you're sober so I guess what I'm trying to say is I'd run. It seems like he just wants to sleep around and isn't too interested in just having one girlfriend. It just doesn't seem like he's that worth it to me.
2 people like this
@MizzLadyB08 (1174)
• United States
15 Dec 08
I feel that when a person drinks that is when the truth come out. I am hurting for you because that was just wrong what he said and then he trying to say he did not mean it. I do not put anything pass a man who say stuff like that. I have been hurt in the past too and it is not a good feeling and it makes you not want to trust another man. You are right to take him seriously because I know I would. I pray that you work through this situation.
2 people like this
@sudarsan7532 (206)
• India
14 Dec 08
Ur boyfriend is evil. But just give him another chance, if this happens again just leave him and go away, there are more things to do in this big and cruel world.
But u stay good at heart at all times dont let evil enter u. This is the key to happiness.
1 person likes this
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
15 Dec 08
Run and don't look back. I have heard people are their true selves when they are drinking because there are no inhibitions. The drinking takes that all away. If he said it when he was drinking he has probably at least been thinking it. He may not really act on it but he has been thinking about it or he probably wouldn't have said it. I think I would give him just what he wants. Don't make him wait for it, let him have it soon.
1 person likes this
@teka44 (3420)
• Brazil
14 Dec 08
Hi Nikki. I am so sorry that it happened with you precisely in Christmas time. But if I were you I run away as fast as I can because he was so rude and said what he have in his mind. He was drinking and it gives the courage to say what he was thinking. You are right my dear, this is a warning sign. You deserve more than this. Tell him that you are thinking that he is right and YOU too want a new and better boyfriend. So in the new year you will have a new life with someone better that wasn't a waste of time. I think that if you stay with him you will discover very fast that he is cheating on you. And it will be worst. Get out of this relationship my dear because out there are so many good men waiting for a good girl.
Good luck.
1 person likes this
@sudarsan7532 (206)
• India
14 Dec 08
Ur boyfriend is evil. But just give him another chance, if this happens again just leave him and go away, there are more things to do in this big and cruel world.
But u stay good at heart at all times dont let evil enter u. This is the key to happiness.
1 person likes this
@sudarsan7532 (206)
• India
14 Dec 08
Ur boyfriend is evil. But just give him another chance, if this happens again just leave him and go away, there are more things to do in this big and cruel world.
But u stay good at heart at all times dont let evil enter u. This is the key to happiness.
1 person likes this
@sudarsan7532 (206)
• India
14 Dec 08
Ur boyfriend is evil. But just give him another chance, if this happens again just leave him and go away, there are more things to do in this big and cruel world.
But u stay good at heart at all times dont let evil enter u. This is the key to happiness.
@sudarsan7532 (206)
• India
14 Dec 08
Sorry, i posted this response from my mobile phone, and accientally an error occured and the same response got posted 4 times.
SORRY for the error.
1 person likes this
@nchap36 (556)
• United States
14 Dec 08
Hey NikkiLuvsAlex
oooooooooooh thats hard. They say when you drink the truth comes out. First don't consider what I am saying as advice. I'm just telling you what I would do. I wouldn't ignore the signs. But I will not go on and on about it with him either. We as women want that 100% man, and that will never happen. So if he is a good, loving, and hard working man don't fret. No you are not being to sensitive. You been hurt once keep your guard up, but not up so far you'll push him away.
1 person likes this
@TrayBlaylock (630)
• United States
14 Dec 08
Wow, what a dilemma. Most people speak their true feelings when they are drunk. At least I do. So have another sit down discussion with him. What's the worse that could happen if you try to mend things together? If you two decide it's not meant to be, go find your true someone.
1 person likes this
@gtdonna (1738)
•
22 Dec 08
Nikki you have gotten quite a lot of advice here, so I won't repeat much of what is said. However, as a woman who has been with a man who when he flew into a rage said a lot of hurtful things to me, I lived to regret it because at that time I choose to ignore it and 7 years later I am still kicking myself for being so stupid enough to give him another chance back then and didn't leave when I shoudl have, because it nearly cause me my life.
So what I want to say is, sit down, get a pen and paper, list all the pros and cons of the relationship. List what you are looking for in a man or want in a man, and if your present boyfriend don't add up, don't despair, there are always more fishes in the sea. Good luck in making a wise decision.
@cortney09 (1345)
• United States
1 Jan 09
I hate to say this, but I would not put up with that stuff and you shouldn't either. I can't believe how insensitive what he said was, whether that's what he was feeling or not. I would just take what he said and assume he means it and leave him.
@cinderella2007 (2662)
•
23 Dec 08
If you dont believe what he is telling you to then I would leave him especially if he says he wants a new girlfriend.
I know most people when they have had a few drinks are more relaxed and can express their feelings more openly then if they were sober but then it could have also been a drunken chat. I would talk to him when he is sober and find out what he really wants and if he wants to be with you. Try not to be too sensitive even if you have been hurt in the past, you will be more likely to pick on everything he says, expecting him to hurt you.
@playmateshorty (365)
• United States
14 Dec 08
I probably would have slapped him right across the mouth.
If hes stupid enough to say something as immature and rash as that, then he deserves an immature and rash response.
