How do you deal with someone who doesn't remember trying to cheat?
By spalladino
@spalladino (17891)
United States
December 16, 2008 9:47am CST
How would you deal with this?
My friend's daughter and her fiance went out to a club on Friday night...they're in their early 30s and have lived together for a couple of years. He drank too much and got ugly so, when they got home she went to bed.
The next morning when she got up the computer was on, logged into his email and he was passed out on the couch. She saw two emails from an ex-girlfriend so she looked in his sent mail and he had sent her two that simply said "I love you". In her responses she said that she loved him too and, in the second one, she gave him her new phone number. My friend's daughter responded back, pretending to be him and told the ex that he was married, that he was drunk when he contacted her and that he was sorry but he loved his wife. She deleted everything and cleared them from recently deleted, too. She also blocked this email address from contacting him again. Then she shut down the computer.
When he woke up on Saturday he was sorry for getting too drunk and acted pretty normal. He wasn't overly nice, like he felt guilty about anything and so far he hasn't checked his email, which he normally doesn't do a lot anyway, but you would think that he'd check if he was waiting to hear back from his ex or worried that my friend's daughter would see something from her. She does check his email for him from time to time because family and friends email him and he's bad about checking himself. He's an electrician so he's not able to check his mail from work.
So, now she believes that he was so drunk that he doesn't remember what he did. But, she's MAD! 
She asked my friend (her mother) if she should confront him or just let it go. My friend asked me so I thought I would see what you guys thought about it.
She asked my friend (her mother) if she should confront him or just let it go. My friend asked me so I thought I would see what you guys thought about it.15 responses
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
16 Dec 08
Ugh! Men are such idiots. It's really hard to say one way or another but, he probably opened up the door to the ex and she may not go away so easily. My husband's ex contacted him the whole time we were dating and he continued to tell her that he wasn't interested in her but, she wouldn't give up. She started stalking me, she would email him and tell him "I accidently ran into your girlfriend and she was with another man" which the man was my brother who happened to be working for me. She then started emailing him about what my children were doing and that was scarey, I finally got involved because I was afraid for my children and told her that I would go to the police if she continued to stalk me. All of this started because she mother told him that the ex's child was in the hospital and he was concerned and called to see how she was doing. So all of that said 
it depends on how crazy the ex is.
it depends on how crazy the ex is.1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Wow, you DO have a crazy ex! I don't know too much about this girl except that she lives a couple of hours from them and has been out of his life for several years. She doesn't know their phone numbers and didn't know his email address until he emailed her, which is why my friend's daughter blocked it...so she couldn't email him any more. I guess if she does manage to weedle herself back into the picture the cat will definitely be out of the bag...and it'll be all claws!
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Hey spalladino~Wow! That's a tough one! I guess this is a new
thing these days! When I was drinking I didn't have a computer
so I never had this problem! I drunk dialed which was bad
enough and I got into enough trouble! I don't think I would
have been able to type drunk! But, I am hearing about this
drunk typing more and more lately! I really don't know what
to say about this. I think if it was me I wouldn't be able
to hold it in and would have to confront him for sure! I would
be so angry that I know I would have to say something! Whether
he admits doing it or not I would had to confront him! Let
us know what she decides! I feel badly for her. It is never
fun to find something like this out even if it was done in
a drunken state!
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
17 Dec 08
I'll be talking to my friend tomorrow night...our regular Wednesday night chit chat...and I will be relaying everyone's advice to her and getting any updates she has. This is why folks need to settle down and have kids. They keep you too exhausted to be out partying at a club! 
I'll keep you posted.
I'll keep you posted.@spalladino (17891)
• United States
28 Dec 08
This was such a hard one to pick a best response for but your "drunk dialed" comment made me laugh...the images that came to mind were priceless...so you win! BTW, the update is that there is no update. My friend's daughter hasn't brought it up and, as far as I know, the drunken emailer still hasn't checked his email. 
@DCMerkle (1281)
• United States
16 Dec 08
Anyone who drinks is an idiot. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a women. What your daughter should have done is printed off the emails. When he got up he would have seen that he had emailed the ex and deleted it himself. With the copies your daughter could have asked why the pc was on when she got up and asked him what he was doing the night before. Of course he would have said everything but emailing the ex and then your daughter would have had the proof that she knew that he was lying and reminded him who he was emailing.
The only thing that she would have had a hard time getting around was going into his email, but there's always a casualty in love and war...lol
DCMerkle
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Drinking does cause it's share of problems, that's for sure. One of the things I like about being older is that my husband and I have older friends and none of us are into hard partying. It would probably take us three days to recover if we did!
@LuvBr0wn13s (765)
• United States
16 Dec 08
Since I wouldn't be willing to admit that I read his email and went to such lengths to keep the ex from contacting him I would just let go. A lot of people do stupid things when they are mad and drunk. You know they say "Don't drink and dial..." well the same thing could go for email. What would be the purpose of bringing it up now anyway?
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Good point. We used to say "don't drink and chat" back when the AOL chatrooms were all the rage. Sometimes late on a weekend night someone would log on who had obviously had too much to drink and would make an a$$ out of himself. Then he had to *face* everyone he ticked off the next time he wanted to chat.
@Kysweetgal (123)
• United States
16 Dec 08
How I look at it. I had an ex husband who drunk all the time. He would get so plastered and abusive the night that he was drunk, would always cheat on me and everything else. But he always would remember it the next day and try to appologize. I believe even when you are drunk you know what you are doing and can still remember it the next day. If I was her I would confront him about it. Tell him how that made her feel.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Good points. I'll have to have her mom ask her if she's had any previous indications that he's forgotten what he's done while drinking. He could be pretending that he doesn't remember and figures that, as long as she's not yelling at him, the ex didn't email him back.
@firefox0100 (47)
• United States
16 Dec 08
I don't know something's not right. Why does he still have his ex's email address in his contacts? Why would she so easily declare her love for him? Doesn't she know about his fiancee? Why not? Have they both been in contact with each other before? I don't know your best friends daughter may need to keep an eye an her fiance.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
17 Dec 08
That's a lot of great questions that I'm going to share with my friend. He may have remembered the email address but it is strange that she would so easily say that she loves him too after so many years. Good thinking. 
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
17 Dec 08
I guess it is possible. But in my opinion youhave to be pretty darn drunk to foget something like that. Did she tell you the dates the emails were sent because that would be the first think I checked. and if it were me I would confront him on it.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
17 Dec 08
it is very hard and tricky situation. in this case, it is really tough. She should confront the guy if she really wants a general solution. If both want it to be hush hush, then its different, I guess what people do when drunk is something that is truly in heart.
@balacancer22 (1148)
• India
17 Dec 08
Many people behve in their original true form when they are drunk and i think he's done what he had in his brain when he was drunk but when he was clear the next morning he would surely have regretted the decision thinking about the society he lives in and would feel sorry for that and these sort of things should be taken carefully since his ex may mesmerize him some day and thay could actually leave your friends daughter alone..happy mylotting....
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
17 Dec 08
Sorry for laughing, but this is really funny! :) I guess your friend's daughter had better forget about it, because quite obviously, the guy was drunk and did not know what he was doing. :) And after all, men will be men, and if we girls want them in our lives, we have to accept all their shortcomings and foibles.
Cheers and happy mylotting 
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Dec 08
I personally would confront him about it. I've heard they say that people are more honest about their own personality and feelings when they're drunk, so I'd be a bit worried that he's still having thoughts and feelings about his ex. She wouldn't want to be blind sighted about it happening again in the future, and next time perhaps it going further.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Yeah, I was thinking about it today while I was running around and I can see it coming between them if Casey let's it. She has to decide whether she can forgive and forget...and really forget. Thanks sunnflr!
@prinzess1515 (1341)
• United States
17 Dec 08
I am not saying she should just let it go but if this isn't a one time thing, her fiance has to be going crazy (on the inside). Especially if he is still talking to his ex, he is probably wondering who sent the email and if he knows it was her, he is probably wondering when she is going to confront him about it.
Being drunk just allowed him to express his true feelings. He still has feeling for his ex and that is why he contacted her. More than likely he is always talking to his ex for his ex to not be like "what do you want?" or "is this a joke". Normal reaction to "I love you" from an ex out of the blue is not saying you love them too.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I would have confronted him as soon as I saw it and questioned his feelings for his ex. I think I'd even reconsider our relationship. I think when people do these things when they are drunk it's showing their true feelings. I know I'm 10000 times more honest when I've been drinking. I think they need to reevaluate the relationship and he should reconsider drinking any more.
