Rant Allert! I am "LOANING" my best friend my last $14....
By Loverbear
@Loverbear (4918)
United States
December 19, 2008 3:24pm CST
I fully realize that this is my fault, and I admit that I am dumber than a case of burnt out bulbs, but there are two things that I won't allow to happen. First is that I won't let a friend go hungry if I can help it, and second I won't let them go without their medications.
Well this best friend has been "needful" for the whole time since she married this hoser. I loaned them the money to buy a car in 2000, then I helped her pay off his probation in 2001. Through the years it has added up to over $2000+. This month started with my loaning her $50 because her husband threw a hissy fit that "his" fifty dollars was gone. She used it to buy food but that didn't matter to the little a$$hole. He has been getting progressively more violent and I am afraid that he is going to get to the point of hitting her. So, I coughed up $50 to bail her butt out. I have been assured that I will get the money back the first of the month, but that isn't the point! That was money that I had set aside for Christmas gifts. Then she didn't have food in the house. Her "husband" would go to his girlfriends house and eat and then come home and eat, cleaning my friend out of what food she was able to afford. So, I cut back on my needs and "loaned" her another $50! Now, less than a week later she needs money to get her husbands medications. One of them is very important and he can't be without it. So, I cleaned out my change jar and am lending her another $12.
I am getting to feel like I should just sign over my disability check over to her! I have been spending money on them like crazy. When her husband had his open heart surgery I was chief chauffeur and would drive the 39 miles into town to pick her up and drive her to the hospital 30 miles away and then bring her home. I would drive them to his doctors appointments and whatever else came up. I figure that the cost of that was over $300.
Don't get me wrong, I love her like a sister, but I just can't crap money!!! It's going to hurt like hell, but I am going to have to tell her that this is it on the loans!!! Apparently she thinks that because I own my own home I don't have the expenses that she has paying rent. She doesn't realize that my expenses are much higher than what hers are and I just don't have the money to loan. As it is from loaning them the money that I have been (it averages to about $75 a month) I lost my car!
Yes, I am putting a stop on the loans. I have cleaned out my cupboards more than once getting food to them when they were out. I have cleaned out my change bank and returned things that I have bought for myself to make sure they had money for food. I hate feeling like I am being selfish, but I am facing open heart surgery myself, and I need to find the money somewhere to buy a vehicle...
My friend is planning to divorce the idiot the first of the year. But she needs to get her disability first. I will be laying down the law that she isn't going to borrow anymore money. As it is she has borrowed the entire Christmas funds that I had.
Thanks for reading my rant, I am going to reorganize my life the first of the year, and part of the "new" life, I won't be loaning money. Right now it just feels so much better to rant a bit. Actually, I feel a whole lot better doing my RANT, thank each and everyone for letting me get this out of my system and putting up with my feeling sorry for myself.
Have a wonderful holiday season!
5 people like this
14 responses
@headofaxes (45)
• Australia
20 Dec 08
Wow, so much anger over this... Thats why you never get money and friends involved as it can ruin a great friendship!
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
20 Dec 08
What a great person you are, don't feel bad you have given and given and given
and you deserve to be able to "rant" all you want in fact I think you'd feel better
if you went and "slugged that man" for yourself and your friend and well for the rest of us..what a jerk he is!!! She is 'STUPID" to still be with him I do hope
she smartens up and gets away from him, hopefully someday she will start to repay
you for all of your kindness but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you;
You say you are also facing open heart surgery, Oh my!! Yes You need to stop
helping them out and take care of yourself dear lady;
My heart goes out to you; please take care and rant here all you want too ok?
@selina0625 (1379)
• Philippines
20 Dec 08
Wow you're a really good friend.I believe that you do love her as a sister.But part of loving her is to teach her how to stand up for herself for once.If you are always there ready to catch her everytime she falls, then she will not have the opportunity to grow and mature and do things for herself.Let her go for once and let her solve her problems.You also have your own problems and from what you have just written, don't feel selfish if for once you are going to think of yourself.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Dec 08
Gosh Lovebear....I'm stuck for words in how to respond to this. Rant all you want...I've been doing my fair share here myself lately...LOL. It sounds like you're a generous kind-hearted soul, but somewhere along the line one has to say enough already.
My mother was a smoocher for money to just about everyone she knew. In her case, she was always "desperate" for money due to the high lifestyle she had lived all her life...she grew up with a spoiled pampered primaDonna princess attitude and had had everything handed to her on a silver platter as she grew up. My mother had a very "charming" personality and easily won people in loaning money to her, and we're not talking "just" $50...we're talking thousands as some financial "disaster" always cropped up with her...mainly her fault as she was living well beyond her means on credit cards.....so basically when she asked her friends to loan her money it was to pay off HER credit card debts. Then she got another "attitude"--like somehow society and people "owed" her. You see her mode of operating was to borrow a large chunk of money...then that first time she borrowed would pay it back. But then she ask again for a large loan....problem being she suddenly get neglectful about paying the person back. This happened to a neighbor of ours. She borrowed a really large sum of money..and yes, paid back. Then the classic scenario would take place where she'd borrow again just about the same amount of money...then neglect to pay back...My mother actually had the gaul though to keep asking to borrow more money..I guess the neighbor gave in as she probably figured, well okay, she (my mother) borrowed money from me before and paid me back, so I'm sure she'll pay me back again. The problem was, eventually the woman realized, no deal, my mother had no intention of paying her back...so the very last time my mother went to visit Pat, OMG.....my mother comes back down and says, "I'm surprised you didn't hear Pat screaming at me." Apparently finally Pat was fed up with loaning money and never being paid back...she yelled at my mother, never to step foot in her apt ever again, don't talk to her, don't look at her..nothing.
There's generosity and concern over a friend, then there's the point when one has to realize that one is being taken advantaged of....crap my mother used to "borrow" from me and never paid me back...especially when I was going to college and she borrowed my college money...I almost didn't graduate at all since my mother had borrowed so much of my allocated money I had none left...for the last five months of my college year I had to make a mad dash and get out a student loan just to cover my college costs.
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
20 Dec 08
Some friends are like that. It is unfortunate that she has married a loser. I had one in my life for five years and had kicked him to the curb. They suck your positive energy and make you stress out. I for one would not look at him if he is not acting like a responsible husband. Just explain to her that you will be in short supply of funds because of the expenses coming to your way. Don't be disappointed because you will stop doing the things you listed but there are times when one has to make a person lean on themselves. Being more independent.
@michiganrawfood (90)
• United States
20 Dec 08
Congratulations on realizing that you need to change, and also for caring about your friend so much! And for realizing it's good to vent sometimes. I know you aren't looking for advice, so for once I'll keep my opinions out of it! :)
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
21 Dec 08
Actually, opinions are accepted and much appreciated! I have found that I learn a lot from people voicing their opinions...That is one reason I enjoy MyLot so much. I do love my friend like a sister, and fortunately she is seeing the point that she does need to change her life too, it's just a matter of timing.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
19 Dec 08
Yes I know how you feel, I am always lending money to friends and I am always being told it is the quickest way to lose friends but i look at it that if you are not there for your friends then what is friendship, I must admit i have been let down by friends in the past in this area but i still have to help when help is needed, to say no is not going to be easy for you as I think you have a very kind heart...I hope things work out for you.
@laila675 (528)
• United Arab Emirates
20 Dec 08
can you be my best friend? LOL !!! your such a good friend indeed and in need. it's really hard to say no to a best friend. but as for me, it's better that i'm the one who lend than asking for someone to lend. i mean your still lucky that you have something to give. in God's will everything will come back to you 100%. but in the other hand, maybe a few words to your friend by telling her she must to move on too. sad to say her husband is not that responsible to his family. good luck, and may you have a fruitfull new year too.... happy holiday
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
19 Dec 08
Wait a minute, she is feeding her husband who goes to his girlfriends to eat?? I think what you are going to do is the right thing to do..Because if she doesn't get help and away from this guy, then unfortunately she will have to learn the hard way that she can't keep running to you. You are a good friend and I don't blame you for ranting like this, I hope your friend knows what kind of friend you are and that she will sooner or later appreciate what you have done for her and not get angry when you stop helping her until she gets help herself..
Praying for you in this, it can get really ugly before it gets better...
@ladybug565 (2216)
• United States
20 Dec 08
You deserve the rant. I have been there. I used to loan money to a friend all the time and then once I loaned her $150. out of my rent money to take her dog to the vet, she was supposed to pay it back the next day, but it took 6 months in 2 payments. to top that off she picked my daughter up for me a week after I loaned her that money and she charged me gas money. It is really hard to say no and I still make loans in small ammounts sometimes because I feel selfish if I dont but I really cant afford it. I couldnt buy anyone anything for christmas this year, and I work 2 jobs. You are a true friend and she is lucky to have you even if you cant loan her money.
@xxaznsugaxx (146)
• United States
19 Dec 08
Wow. First of all, I want to say that you are an awesome friend. There aren't very many people that would go about selling their own things so they could support someone else. So hats off to you! Secondly, I think that your friend isn't being considerate at all. She has to understand that she can't just take and take and take. There has to be a limit. I think that you should just be honest with her and tell her that you have financially supported her all you could and now you have to look after yourself and make your ends meet. I hope all goes well with you and have a happy holiday!
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
19 Dec 08
I used to be the money bag for everyone, I was doing like you, taking money that I had set aside for something and give it away. I say give it away because noone believes in paying you back. Now, I am in a situation where I need help big time, and I have no one to turn to. It is so nice of you to continue to bail your friend out, but enough is enough. Hopefully the new year will be different after you put your foot down.
Have a happy holiday.
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
20 Dec 08
you are so kindness i think. it's lucky to be your friend and receive your help.
but sometimes some friend are not so trustful and worthy to lend money to them.
even once we loaned the money out that means we are going to lose this friend. money is the posion to friendship most of times. so we'd better treat the moneyship careful to escape the lost of friendships. enjoy you days.
@mortalking (84)
• India
20 Dec 08
Yes many a times men do some thing and then realise that they were wrong but helping a friend is not a bad thing . It is good to help yours friends .
