Would you advice for reconciliation or separation?

As far as I read your discussion, I have come to a conclusion that the husband of your elder sister is really an irresponsible person. I am very sorry to tell you about this but I am just true to what I see and observe. They have been living together for 6 years but still the issue has not subsided or resolved. I might have to say to your sister to still give him another chance, but since the husband has been constantly doing this, though not on a regular basis, I think proper action is indeed needed in this situation. Therefore, separation is the best solution in this regard. Please don't wait for the worst thing to happen. This kind of people should not even be tolerated. As a real man, he should love his wife with all his heart. I have this sympathy for your sister as well as her daughters. Please do advice your sister about this. I think it's time for her to end up all her sacrifices and sufferings over the period of 6 years. Enough is enough. I am just hoping for the best for your sister and family. God speed!

Hello! You know what my aunt and your sister has a similar experience except that my aunt got married in the right age. Well my say on that issue is that try to do the reconcialition first because I believe that everyone of us deserves a second chance but as what you have said that in 6 years time, its still the same, her husband still doing the same vices. Now I would recommend for a separation... Why so? well, since her husband have not changed even he was given a chance to change his lifestyle but still the same and no changes at all.So, why not make some actions that would let him realized all the things he has been doing. think about this. If you have to always forgive what his been doing and tolerating all the things he has been doing, then he would think that he should not change. That he would always do the same because he is always forgiven, because he is always gven a chance.So, he would have more confidence to the same. Now, this action I think and I am sure, would make him realized all the things he has been doing. If your sister and their kids would leave him, then he will left nothing and that would really awake him especially on the mistake that he has been doing. Explain to your sister, that she to do this not for selfish desire, but she have to do, for his husband to change. The separation would not last into a lifetime separation, this is just to let his husband taste the life of no one in his side.My point here, is for his husband to realize and have a self-actualization. Based on your disccussion I conclude that your brother in law is so irresponsible. I really feel bad to what he's doing. Instead that he would be the bread winner of the family but look what he is doing?it's been a long years of this kind of life, and I think this is the time your sister should have decision, a decision that would make her free and her husband realized. Again, this is not for selfish desire, but for the purpose of making her husband realized and would have a self-actualization.Her husband, might have an attitude problem, thus he have to experience such like this. I want to share to you about my Aunt, that before I was also against of separation but until such time I was the one who told my Aunt to leave his husband, because of what I saw. My aunt is suffering and his hunband is doing nothing like your sister's husband. Now, its about 2 years and they are still separated. But the good thing of what happened, is that the husband of my Aunt is alread working in Dubai and now he is a renewed person and I think he became responsible because he is now helping to the education of his children eventhough they are separated. this thing might happen to your sister, if she will just be braved enough to do this. Separation is I think the answer to solve the proble, because again if your sister would always allow your brother in law to hurt her, then this would not yield any good outcome but instead this might cause a more dangerous situation. So, tell your sister to decide for herself and the future of her children. Always remember that she have to do this for good and not for a selfish desire. This for her husband to realized all the wrong things that he has been doing.lastly, I will pray for your sister! God bless....!

I have never been one to think seperation is a good thing, however if there is abuse in the relationship and he is also an alcholic. That this has been going on and with kids in the house is not good. Going this long it is obvious he isnt about to change without some drastic measures, like her leaving and moving on with her future with the kids. It isnt healthy for the kids to live like that, let alone your sister! One day it could go further and he could accidently kill her .. something to think about.

your sister chose this person to marry she needs to choose to seperate or stay lifing under these circumstances. Yes its hard to watch a loved one got through this some times you just have to let them alone. I would suggest to leave it for the married couple to decide BUT you can suggest and not push her to make the decision you would make if you were living her life

I think she should leave him (not divorce, but just leave) and tell him that until he stops getting drunk and stops his abusive behavior she and the children will not be back. If he cares about her and the children, he'll make the effort to change and when he does, she can return to him.

Your sister and her husband are married at a pretty young age. I know from experience with one of my friends who married when he was 24. Him and his wife didn't have kids at the time, but they used to get into the dumbest arguments over nothing. They did split up for a few months. And I think they went to marriage counseling. And now they are older and more mature and have 2 kids. The thing about your sisters situation is that her husband drinks alot. If this is a serious problem, he obviously needs some help. They need to work things out for the sake of the kids. If they really love each other, I would think that both he and she would maybe consider counseling if he's hurting her physicaly. I know it's hard out there today with the economy being in bad shape, which makes it hard to find a good paying job. I think the best idea would be to have the whole family sit down and talk about this together. Having both your family and his try to talk very calmly and get this situation smoothed out before it gets too serious. Your sisters husband being unemployed could be the reason he's drinking so much. I would think that everyone on both sides of the family, including your sister should show that her husband has everynes support during these hard times of unemployment. I would imagine it could be very stressfull. I'm pretty sure he loves his family. But it's up to him to take responsibilities for his actions. Maybe he needs someone to reach out to him to get him back on track. Sometimes that's what it takes. Many people don't always correct their mistakes on their own. I hope your sister and her husband work everything out.

I think that if physical harm is already being afflicted on your sister then it is also possible for the kids to get hurt. Maybe she should consider moving out for a while if she is still hoping to reconcile with her husband. That is for her and the kids safety. If in the near future the husband would change and no longer drink maybe then she can consider getting back with him. We all want relationships to work out but if safety is already threatened then it is still better to deal with that threat first

i am a mom of four children for seven years now. i left my husband but tagged my kids along with me. my husband is like the husband of your sister. your dad is right.... they are adults already let them deal with it. marriage is a bed of roses but we also need to remind ourselves that roses has torns as well. i did a lot of things to nake my married life okay but it didnt work out the way it is. i am not a nagger i just keep my mouth shut but still hits me. so when he pushed me to the edge.... i left him. brought our four children with me and hide from him. if your sister will feel that she needs to end that, and realizes that she does not deserves any of this i am sure she will do something to end it. lets just hope it is for the best

That is a really tough situation. I think that reconciliation is best whenever possible. I think that even in the case of cheating and (non-recurring) violence. But I think that if it is likely that violence will be recurring, then it is clear what is best. People should not allow themselves, and much less so their children to be physically hurt by someone in the home. But then again, this is something that the person going through the situation must decide.

honeylore23, I think it would be wise to let your sister decide what she would want to with this issue of physical abuse, her relationship with her husband, family and children. There is just so much you can do in advising, lending her a shoulder and moral support. Ultimately, she will have the final say and decision. Her husband's drinking problem could be due to his frustrations of not being able secure a job and / or contribute to the well being of the family. Men are always being looked up as the bread winner and head of the family in the orient and I need not elaborate how it can add pressure and stress to one when he is unable to fulfill such an expectation. I believe that he will need to undergo some counseling and welfare assistance for his current drinking and jobless problems. You may want to convince them to abandon their conservative and egoism to approach such available services that are instituted within your country to help your people. Just be patient with your sister and be that ever ready cushion and support for her and her family when they fall heavily. Take care and compliments of the season.

Hello honeylore! This is really hard. I don't know the full story but based on what you said, it seems that your sister and your husband didn't match. If there's no children, it would be easy for me to say leave him. But you know what, if he is hurting your sister, why would you let your sister suffer. As what you have said, your they've been together for 6 years and still there's no changes in their relationship. As waht you said, your sister is working but her husband is not. Well for me, better really think about it.

Your sister sounds like a smart girl. Other than the fact that she is with a bum. seperating them isn't going to help. She has to be willing to leave and until she is no matter how many times they seperate she will always go back. I really hope one day she does see the brighter side of things and realizes this man is holding down her family. emotionally and finacially. To me 6 years is a long time to be with someone and maybe she don't feel she has much without him. 18 is young to get married she obviously hasn't explored much and doesn't know there is much better out there. Has she ever asked him to go to rehab for drinking? If he isn't willing to go then there is no him getting better. Im sure she probably knows what her family thinks of him and what you all want her to do, but it's not going to get better until she is ready. Just support her when she needs you, don't critisize. That will only make her lean on him even more.