Unless you're on welfare, you can't be helped!!!!! Urgh!!!
By stejhas
@stejhas (209)
United States
December 22, 2008 9:44am CST
I am so angry right now.... My husband's business of 10+years failed at the beginning of December, so we have been doing nothing all month but looking for jobs, applying and waiting (hoping) to hear back. Needless to say this unemployment thing is REALLY BAD TIMING! We have been very honest with our 7-yr old about how 'small' this Christmas is going to be in terms of gifts... and we are wrapping up some of her old toys to give to our baby (figuring he won't know the difference between new and used).
So, we have been really talking up how fun Christmas will be this year... and how we're going to spend the whole day together and have lots of fun. We want our daughter to still be excited about the holiday, even though my husband and I aren't sure yet what we're going to do. I decided to call the nearest Soup Kitchen to ask if they are serving a meal on Christmas day, and told the lady that I was looking for a way for my family to have a nice meal together for the holiday.... She went into this big long speech about how Christmas isn't a good day for us to come because they can't operate without volunteers and everyone is busy on the holiday so 'maybe we could come another day'. Then she proceeded to transfer me to the volunteer coordinator to see if she thought we would be able to come. WHAT?!?!?!?!?! - Fine, you don't want me, just tell me NO! I already feel crappy about not being able to give my family the holiday they deserve, and now you're going to tell me that I shouldn't come on that day because you can only take so many! Wow!
You know, we have never been on welfare or any other kind of program like that, and since my husband was a business OWNER, we can't get any kind of unemployment payments... we are just an honest family trying to make ends meet.... but apparently we can't be helped.
To make matters worse, we are friends with a couple that was on welfare 5 years ago (but now they money is flowing in better than ever) and they got a call from the welfare office last week saying there were a bunch of gifts there for their kids and they needed to come pick them up. What? Nice... if you WERE on welfare, but aren't anymore, your family is sponsored for holiday gifts and groceries. But if you're not on welfare, and have $0.89 in your bank account, you can't even go to the soup kitchen for Christmas dinner?! URGH!!!
Maybe I'm just too stressed out and emotional right now... but it just doesn't seem right!
3 people like this
16 responses
@GemmaR (8517)
•
22 Dec 08
I don't think it matters about the food or the gifts at Christmas, as long as you and your family can be together.
You should plan lots of Christmas activities for you and your children to enjoy, and you will have a great day!
I hope your husband finds another job soon, times are hard at the moment, but I'm sure everything will pick up again soon enough :)
Try and have a good Christmas, my thoughts are with you and the family xx
@GemmaR (8517)
•
22 Dec 08
Of course it matters if it's that extreme.. I'm sorry I guess I just assumed you meant that you wouldn't be able to have like a proper Christmas Dinner or anything.. but you'd still have food.
I shouldn't jump to conclusions like that.
If you want to chat, add me as a friend. I like to think I can be a friend to people even if I don't know them in person.
@stejhas (209)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Thanks for the support. I agree that spending time with the family is the most important thing about the holiday. I'm so glad that even though we have little else, we still do have each other - and that's the important part.
We have been living off the most rediculous meals... my fridge, freezer and pantry have never been so bare... I'm stretching things as far as I can and fully utilizing the spice cupboard to change up the flavor of our bare pasta and rice. - But it IS food.... I'm just really disappointed in the soup kitchen. I thought for sure I could count on them to give my family a hot, well-balanced meal, in an environment that would be "different", new and exciting for the special holiday.
@conbill (369)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I know how you feel I felt the same way. I don't know where you live but here in my community I have found a lot of places I never thought of. I bit back my pride and found many churches that give food to the needy. I now go to our local food pantry. We also have have freecycle over the internet. If there is someplace like this in your area you could post wanted Chritmas dinner and I am sure someone will help. Also go to WELFARE and request emergency aid. Try to keep your spirits up. You and your husband are honest and hard-working people and this is only a temporary setback. Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday because I know you will pull it off.
@thedogshrink (1266)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Try craigslist. Today I was looking on craigslist and someone was having a complete Christmas dinner on Christmas Day, for up to 200 needy people. They put the invitation in the free section of craigslist. Maybe someone in your area will have something similar. You can also post asking for any suggestions -- and you might end up with someone offering to help, too.
I've seen pretty surprising and heartwarming things on craigslist from time to time.
@stejhas (209)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Those are all good suggestions. I had never thought of posted a WANTED add... I might have to do that.
I heard earlier today that a church in the area has a food pantry one Wednesday a month where we can buy some groceries for 25 cents a pound... the next one isn't until mid-January.... hopefully we are out of this rut by then, but if not, I plan to take advantage of it.
Thank you for your support... if it weren't for mylot friends right now I don't know who I would lean on! ;)
@momiecat (997)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I am just about in the same boat only I don't have two-legged kids but four-legged kids to feed. There just must be somewhere you can get a nice meal on Christmas. Have you tried any local churches? I hope that things get better for you and that your husband will find a job soon. May be you can make some little fun craft things on Christmas with the kids or pop some popcorn and string it. The welfare programs are often abused or taken advantage of by people who are irresponsible and have too many kids (more than two) to support. I am talking about people who don't have the drive and work ethic that you and your husband do. Hang in there. Make the best of things as a family. I lost my father this year and things aren't the same without your loved ones. That is the best part of the season (being with family) for me.
@stejhas (209)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I think this 'abuse' of the system is what frustrates me the most... I have never gotten assistance before, and I'm not asking for much --- I just wish someone could be there for average, hard-working families when they start to crumble.
I'm sorry that your Christmas will be without a loved one this year... I guess it's important for all of us to cherish everything we DO have in this holiday, whether it's memories, traditions, family time, or the whole she-bang! It's hard to think that way sometimes when times are tough.
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I can totally relate to not getting help from the state with my children. I have asked for help with daycare, foodstamps, anything just to help out a little and I always get turned down, now I could understand if I received child support, but I don't, I get nothing, just my little single income that isn't even enough to pay my bills. I see other women I work with who make more money than me, get child support and the welfare gives them food stamps and pays their daycare. WTH???
@thedogshrink (1266)
• United States
23 Dec 08
What reason do they give for telling you no? Especially for food stamps -- that is available, at least a little, for people who are working. And so is the daycare, altho there's often a waiting list.
Find out why you were denied, and do an appeal. If needed, go to a community legal aid to get help in getting thru the system. If you are correct about the women who make more and get child support and still get food stamps, etc, then you should be able to get it, unless you have other assets that they are counting. Or if the women telling you they are getting it aren't getting what they are saying they get. For example, maybe they get WIC, and call it food stamps. WIC is only for pregnant women and children under 5.
@LaurenInLA (2270)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I am so sorry for the difficulty that you are going through right now. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. These are the kinds of things that annoy me as well. Several years ago, I got to know a young couple with a small child very well. The Husband worked in construction and fell on a job and broke his leg. Although he was not going to be able to work for a minimum of 6 weeks, he didn't qualify for welfare because he made too much money through the year. What! This is exactly the kind of person that I want to help. The person who has hit a temporary bump and needs a helping hand. In terms of the Christmas dinner, have you checked with any of your local churches. My church does a Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for people who are alone during the holiday season and there is no charge for the meal. I'm also annoyed that someone would even have to call a soup kitchen to find out if they could join them for a Christmas meal. I was always under the impression that it existed to feed people who were hungry and who could otherwise not eat without the services of a soup kitchen. Where on earth have we as a society gone so horribly wrong?? Best of luck to you and your family.
@thedogshrink (1266)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Have you tried the Salvation Army?
Try calling grocery stores and see if they can tell you of some more organizations that help, because some organizations work directly with grocers to help people in need.
@stejhas (209)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Thanks for the support... I have been searching for somewhere else to turn. So far I have not found anything ON Christmas Day. (A lot of the churches held their free meals yesterday) I'm not trying to be too picky, but I'm determined to find a way to make Christmas DAY special - mostly because my 7yr old daughter will know it's the holiday (she'll be out of school) and I don't want to feel that I've let her down.
I guess I need to stop feeling like this is a PERSONAL failure... I truly feel that I/we have done everything possible... we just have to have faith now that it will all work out.
@Fadolf (545)
• Slovenia
22 Dec 08
That is really sad story and I hope you'll figure something out and the things will get better. Like you've already said the timing was really bad for those things to happen. Regarding welfare, I don't know how can they be so uneven and so unfair... I'm spechless...
Why don't you ask your friends to help you, explain them situation (I believe that the ones that were on welfare will understand you the best). Things will sort out soon!
@stejhas (209)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I'm sure we'll figure it all out. We've never been rich, but we've never had to do without either... all this is new to me and I am clueless about all the programs out there that help struggling families.
I guess I'm going to have to let the secret out of the bag and start telling my situation to local churches and charities, hoping someone can help. That's probably the one biggest difference between us and our friends that were on welfare --- they were never afraid to ask for help. You're probably right in that they can teach us alot about what we can and should do.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
30 Dec 08
I am sorry to hear your story. It seems that your story is a genuine case of a self employed that his buisness went bad and that you are in dire need of support at this time. I really hope that you overcome the bureoucracy and get the help that you really need. Are there other charitable organisations? Do you belong to a particular church perhaps they can help you for the time being?
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
21 Jan 09
I never understood the welfare system. I was on it for a very short time years ago and it took a lot to get on it and truthfully, I could not wait to get off from it. I see some that drive nice cars...eat fine and all....that was not my experience. We really barely got by and by that I mean we did not even have what most would take for granted. I did not have a phone nor cable tv. I could not afford gas for hot water so I heated water on the electric stove for baths and dishes. We had a roof over our head and I put a few dollars worth of kerosene in our tank every other nite for heat. We had food but I had no vehicle to go buy groceries or anything for that matter. I really don't know how we got out of that spot...adrenelin and preserverence maybe? Like I said....it was only for a short time...a couple of months at the most...probably less but felt like more. I understand your frustration. I got a job and raising 4 kids...we were still pretty poor and did not qualify for a dime of any sort of help. I do see others that thrive off the system and I'm not sure why. I just try to avoid being a part of it at all costs. I am sorry you had to go thru that. Hope your holiday turned out well despite.
@marcialoyd (1173)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I know how you feel hun. (((hugs)))) When my dad lost his job a couple years back he had no income once his unemployment ran out and he still hadn't found a job. He tried applying for food stamps. Keep in mind at the time he applied he had absolutely ZERO INCOME! and they said nope sorry you made to much money (on unemployment none the less) the month before to qualify for food stamps. Ok so someone has zero income, no way to buy food, and they basically say oh well. To bad for you. Starve. It is definitely a very screwed up system. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Try contacting some of your local churches and explain your situation. They may be able to help.
@CRSunrise (2981)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I know how you feel. I tried to get foodstamps and stuff when my husband lost his job this summer, no dice. I made enough money at my job that we were border line and couldn't even get that. When I got pregnant back in October, me and the kids were eigible for only medicaid. Of course, I miscarried, had medicaid for only 60, then it was the kids. My husband then had a temperary job, the kids lost their medicaid.
Right now, the only thing we're on is WIC. While I'm glad for that, money is still tight since my husband isn't working again and hasn't gotten his unemployment reactivated yet. It's a real pain in the butt because I bet if I tried for foodstamps, we'd get denied again.
@stejhas (209)
• United States
23 Dec 08
It's a shame how truly unjust the government programs really are.... having never been in a really "needy" situation before, I had NO CLUE I would feel so let down - just as you were.
The only thing I can take from this whole experience is that the government programs need a lot more help than I originally thought!
@thedogshrink (1266)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I'm sorry about your situation.
Have you applied for welfare, food stamps, etc? You should be able to get emergency food stamps which means that it will start fast, instead of the usual wait. I don't understand the soup kitchen stuff at all. No clue. Nor do I understand the couple getting gifts for their kids if they have been off welfare for 5 years! I could see if maybe they just got off welfare, then it would maybe take time for their names to get off all the lists. But 5 years ago? Did they tell them they don't need the gifts, so they could be given to someone else?
You should immediately apply for welfare, food stamps, heating assistance, and whatever else there is to apply for. And emergency food stamps.
Also, try calling some churches, and you might be pleasantly surprised, but hurry, first thing tomorrow, as time is close.
I pray you will get some help fast.
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I know exactly what you are saying. I am not looking for a handout either, I just want a little assistance until things get better. I am the type of person who have always paid their bills as soon as I receive them. Unfortunately, six months ago, I lost my job. It is not easy trying to find a job these days. I looked online to see what I may be eligible for temporary, and there is nothing. I guess you have to be homeless, without anything before the decent people who have worked all of their lives can get anything. I am sounding angry, because I am, we decent working people like your husband, can't get anything. But there are other people who have never worked that gets all of the benefits.
I wish you and your family a lot of luck, and I hope you have a great holiday.
@TrayBlaylock (630)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I see no problems in getting help from the government. They take, take and take from the american people so the least WE could do as the American People is take what's been taken. Don't worry though. I think everything will get better in the next two to four years. Everything that is completely messed up truly takes time to get fixed. Happy Holidays!
@shishi87 (39)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I think it's bull how we're helping bailout the rich CEO's on Wall Street while we have hundreds of thousands of middle-class Americans struggling right now. Where's the bailout for the average Joe? (and no, I'm not talking about the ever-so- famous Joe the Plaumber, I'm talking about people like you and me). It's just disturbing how grossly wealthy some people are, making 500 times more than the middle income wages, yet there are still homeless people as well as middle class people struggling. I believe capitalism in the U.S. has gone way too far. We need to learn more from Western Europe's system of doing things. Though they are far from perfect, most of their citizens have a higher quality of life. Education, healthcare and many other things are paid for by the government. Many Americans pay an arm and a leg to go to college and end up being stuck with a job because they provide healthcare. Once you lose your job, you lose everything. it shouldn't have to be this way at all.
@irisheyes (4370)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I used to be a social worker and two charities that will sometimes help people not on welfare are Catholic Charities (You don't have to be Catholic)and the Salvation Army. They really can do some amazing things like get phone bills and utility paid and provide Christmas gifts and they don't have all of the red tape you get with government agencies. Hang in there and remember you are not alone.
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I've never heard of someone getting stuff after they were off of welfare. It's probably too late now, but if you are in a bad position financially next year try getting your kids put on the Angel Tree. You also might try Angel Food Ministries. They donate whatever doesn't get picked up but the date has passed. I'd still call though. If you tell the church that has the angel food ministry in your area your situation, they might find some way to help you even at this late date.
http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
