Vows

Well, let me give it a go to try to answer your question. I am sure you will get other response and you can take them all into consideration. First of all, I think that the traditional vows of marriage are only good if both parties are going to abide by them. If not, it does not really matter what you believe if you are the party that does believe and he does not. I am sorry that you have been sick or have a condition that you have had to go through or are going through. That can make life very rough. In our vows (we were married in Vegas) we did not have a say in what the minister said for the vows. I think it is important for a couple to personally recite vows to which they have mutually agreed upon and are willing to abide by. A lot of the traditional verbiage seems to have been written from a male perspective. This can cause a faulty sense of responsibility or rule of a man over a woman. In our vows the minister said something about touch when they need to be touched. Well, my husband took this to mean a connotation for lovemaking and my take on this is entirely different. I feel it means a sense of comfort when someone is down. Now that I am older and more mature and have gone through one divorce and now am in a marriage of going on 16 years, I would say if I had to do it all over again, I would like for us to write out own vows. Now, back to your situation... my dear, just by the fact that he was in a relationship before you were divorced and was married soon thereafter, do not fool yourself into thinking the break-up was your fault. People who do love each other will stick through everything, no matter what. Your ex just wanted to shift the blame or guilt from himself to you and your health issues. Please, if you are feeling any guilt whatsoever, thinking that you may have caused your ex to stray, put that out of your mind for eternity dear. Your husband was going to stray, come rain or shine. We have to pick ourselves up, hold our heads high and take care of ourselves without relying on someone else to do that for us. People can always let you down. I was devastated after my first marriage failed and blamed myself. As the years have gone by and I have had time to think about it, I have come to the conclusion that my ex was not even marriage material and I had fooled myself into thinking I could have the fairy tale marriage with him. Well, that was not meant to be.. but I no longer blame myself or have any guilty feelings over it. In fact, I am much happier in my life without him but that took quite a while to come to that realization. Your ex did not take those vows to heart. He was a strayer... You are most definitely better off without him, I am sure.

If your husband left because you were ill, then you are better off without him. I'd say let it go and tuck it away in the past. You see I understand the situation because I lived it. My ex and I had been married 20 years when I became ill and could no longer work. He told me at that time that I was "no longer useful" and left to move in with someone else. We divorced shortly after that. I figure its his loss. I know he doesn't have any guilt over it either. I'm disabled now and I'm in a new relationship. We've been together 8 years now and he knew I was disabled when he met me. Obviously being sick wasn't your fault. He just chose not to deal with it. Its their loss, not yours. You deserve better.

Yes, I believe in wedding vows. Your husband has definitely break the marriage vows and the church will never recognize his second marriage. He is living an adulterous life and is sinning. Someone who has stood before the alter of God with you and promised faithfulness, forgets those vows. To break into anger, to interfere, to insist on finding out, accomplishes nothing. All too often it gives the erring one an excuse to run to the new love for consolation. The way to meet this problem is not easy, but the stakes are great. Forgive your husband and continue loving him in spite of his sin. Time wears off the gold in the feet of any idol if its feet be made of clay. To wait is the only thing you will not be sorry after wards. And while be thankful for the love which you do have. The love which you were ready to give and which seemed for a long time not to be wanted, finds that is is needed many times in many places by many people! When you trust in God your love and marriage problems begin to change. Ask no more just have faith in God and you will get the answer to your questions. He might have better plans for you. He will always be guilty for leaving you and his guilt will not make his union with the other woman happy. Just mark my words. He will crawl back to you in four knees soon if you keep your silence. God bless you. Merry christmas and happy New year.

I say you are better off without him. Obviously, if he loved you unconditionally he would have been there to support you threw your condition. I think he does feel guilty and he should. One blessing, he at least gave you a daughter.

If he really and truly loved you, he would not have left you with a sickness, or a condition. Your husband was being totally selfish, because he was thinking more of himself than of you and what you were going through. The vows are clear, "through sickness and health", your condition is your health. Thank God, that he left when he did, because he would have probably only caused you more grief. Yes, he probably feels real small when he is around you, that is why he can not face you. Do not ever think that you pushed him away, and it is not your fault, you could not help getting sick. I think you are better off without him, if he bailed out on you because of your condition, how could you expect him to hang around "through richer or poorer" God bless and good luck

Yes, you need to believe in your wedding vow to make it valid if not, it doesnt have any meaning. Most importantly, to believe in God! We make the vow with God as our withness. When two person come together in marriage, it wasnt meant for a smooth ride!! That why's the wedding vow is in place in the very first place to guard our human heart. If the vow is ever subjected to condition, the only valid condition is God's permission which will not happen. It cannot be for his own ambition or goals in life, it is unacceptable. Well, how will he feels if you are the one leaving him when he is ill? This man will move on in life for his own, let's hope his future wife is healthy. Dont dwell on it, it happens to show you his true colour. No point living in fairy tales world where nothing happens and you thought he is the best man in the world when he is not. We are meant to go through trial in life to grow in faith and strength.

Sounds to me like he wasn't married for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Sounds to me he was married until he didn't want to be married anymore. It's useless wondering if you pushed him away or if your condition was really too much for him. You have to consider the idea that he may have left even if there were no condition.

Your vows also say "for better or worse" but, regardless of whether you have a condition or a sickness, what your husband did was selfish and terrible. I hope that he does feel guilty because he is a very poor excuse for a man and a poor role model for your daughter. I wonder if he would want some man to treat her the way that he's treated you? It's not your fault that you became ill and I doubt that you pushed him out since he stated that he had the *right* to live his life. The two of you may have stayed together if you hadn't become ill but I believe that he would have let you down at some point because he obviously is not a man of good character. I think you're much better off without him.

he is not a consederate man.he knows about your situation but he still going. well its better to have a single life sometimes so that we have peace and free life.yes i guess he is guilty but sad because you have daughter from him. for me since i am free i rather stay that way.i can have a boyfriend but dont marry again.just in case dont work the relationship again its easy to leave and forget even it is hurt!